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Internalizing Shame from Child abuse; sexual abuse(NEW to board)

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Posted 5/13/2007 4:34 PM (GMT 0)
Hello, I came to this board at first because I live with daily pain due to whiplash. I found this section. I am also a survivor of chid abuse(sexual) from my own father. I am now 44 and have worked hard in my life in beginning to NOT INTERNALIZE what happened to me. Once I stated to seperate myself FROM the abuse, I began to see my worth.

Anyone who would like to discuss this, please feel free to talk.

 

I aquired anxiety and emotional problems from this..that resonate to this day.

 

I have problems with intimacy: wanting to be too close or too distant..with a 'pulling and pushing' back and forth all my life.

 

Faith

 

 

Posted 5/14/2007 12:49 PM (GMT 0)
I appreciate the honesty that you expressed. I'm wondering if my bipolar husband has issues from childhood that are making his condition worse. He was not molested, but he was physcially abused and had to work long hours in the family business bginning as a little boy. He was the oldest of 4 boys and to had to do way more than the others, etc.

He says that he has forgiven his parents, but the rage and anger just flows out of him. That's how his mania is expressed, through rage at inappropriate things and people, namely me! He says he cannot stop the "fits" once they begin and that he knows that he is wrong to behave that way. He is definitely bipolar and there are now 6 generations in his family to be so. They are all/werel hot-tempered with the exception of his father who has been on medicine for 30 years or so.

I believe that he has to have something else wrong with him. Otherwise, wouldn't he be stable after 18 months of medicine? We're getting a little desperate. W live out in the country and there are no counseling facilities around here. Comments? APG
Posted 5/15/2007 9:01 AM (GMT 0)

Charity Faith said...
Hello, I came to this board at first because I live with daily pain due to whiplash. I found this section. I am also a survivor of chid abuse(sexual) from my own father. I am now 44 and have worked hard in my life in beginning to NOT INTERNALIZE what happened to me. Once I stated to seperate myself FROM the abuse, I began to see my worth.

Anyone who would like to discuss this, please feel free to talk.

 

I aquired anxiety and emotional problems from this..that resonate to this day.

 

I have problems with intimacy: wanting to be too close or too distant..with a 'pulling and pushing' back and forth all my life.

 

Faith

 

I too am a child abuse survivor (sexual from my own father), from the ages 3 to 11. I am 24 and to this day it haunts me. I believe my current health problems is the way the abuse has manifested in me. I have been married for 3 years now, and before we add on to our family, I feel the need to heal my wounded soul. I have just realized begun to realize that I was a child and he the adult and he knew better, it wasn't my job to say no, to stop him. I still feel so ashamed and dirty, even though I know its not my fault. I fianaly spoke up about the age of 11, and my closest friends and family know. Just recently, my brother and I, who have the same father, have descussed the abuse. I feel validated now, he believes me, but he still has a relationship with him, I haven't spoken to him since I came out. My brother and other family member think it would be a good idea to confront him in person, I just want him to admit to me that he took away my inicense and childhood, and I want to know if he is even sorry. What do you think? I want so much to heal my broken heart.
Posted 5/16/2007 2:26 AM (GMT 0)

i am 61 years old and still feel the shame, hurt, and anger.  even now, with my father dead for over 20 yrs and my mother dead over 5 years., i still hurt.  i've been in and out of therapy almost all my life - i don't really know if it helps.  sometimes i will do almost anything for some peace - i seldom get it.

yes, i am a male.  sexual abuse doesn't know or care abiout sexual orientation.

warren

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