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Need advice on living with BiPolar Wife?

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Posted 5/7/2005 3:22 AM (GMT 0)
confused  I've been married to my wife for almost five years.  We've known each other for six.  We met late in life.  It was well worth the wait.  I love my wife dearly.  During the early years of our marriage I did not know she suffered from depression and anxiety.  Once she told me I began to understand some of her mood swings and odd behavior (excuse my spelling, I'm a terrible speller).

She was married once before.  She found out the hard way that her ex-husband was homosexual.  She went off the deep end.  She began down a destructive path.  Any way.  She was diagnosed with Bipolar and Depression about 2.5 years ago.  The Doctor put her on medication and things seemed to be going great.  Then she changed Doctors and he took her off the medication that was used to stabilize her mood.  She was just taking medication for depression.  That sent her into a tail spin.  It wasn't until last summer that I was referred to another doctor for her.  She is now on the right medication.

The issues I'm having now is trying to understand the mood swings that still happen and how to deal with them.  Currently what happens she will go off when I get home from work.  She usually goes for about 2 - 3 hours.  One of her compulsive behaviours that comes with her Bipolar is shopping and spending money.  Currently my Wife works part-time and stay's home with our son.  So, I can understand wanting to get out when I get home for a break.  However, recently she's been very unmotivated and lethargic.  If we didn't our son I don't think my wife would get out of bed.  She has trouble remembering things.  Sometimes she seems like she's in another world.  It's hard because I feel we aren't as connected as we used to be.  Right now I do alot of the work around the house.  I usually try and get it done after I put our son to bed for the night.

Sometime I just feel like I'm in this by myself.  That I keep giving and never receiving anything in return.  I miss my wife terribly.  When she's not depressed or in a mood swing is the most fun loving person.  When she's in one of her cycles or is depressed she is a shell of herself.  I've read allot of books about Bipolar and living with a bipolar spouse.  I know that she loves me but sometimes it feels like it just isn't there.  I'm not a person to give up.  I plan on living the rest of my life with my Wife and Son.  I just need some advice on how to cope with the many faces of Bipolar.

Thanks.

 

Posted 5/8/2005 1:53 AM (GMT 0)
First, speaking as a Bi-polar wife, I applaud you're quest to understand her behavior patterns.  Many husbands don't do that.  I guess the key is patience.  And maybe give her her own account to limit the spending sprees.  I also can get out of hand with spending. Good luck and take care. Ellie

Posted 5/9/2005 10:12 PM (GMT 0)

I am so glad to hear you are so commited to your wife. I am a BP wife and my husband has been to hell and back with me.  It took me 10 years of our marriage to finally take my meds, he just reached the end of his rope.  He is an incredibly loving, supportive, patient and understanding man.  I got stable just last year after trying every stabilizer, antidepressants, Klonopin, etc.  Nothing worked and if it did, I couldn't tolerate it.  You are getting a jump on things by reading about it, the best thing you can do.

But, she is NOT stable.  It sometimes takes a long time and many medications and "cocktails" of meds to stabilize.  She needs to see a GOOD psychiatrist, not a GP or family doc.  Psychiatrists are trained MDs in the field of mental illnesss.  Regular MDs do not get that triaining in med school.  They know nothing of the disease, except it's high and low.  They are DANGEROUS.  They don't use mood stabilizers, if they do it's usually not the right dose, or combination, wrong type antidepressants, etc.  She will need CONSTANT communication/visits with her pdoc (psychiatrist) and you will need to watch her closely for signs of danger, I am sure you are aware of those by now.  I know tons about this illness, and I can't even spot the symptoms all the time.  Don't let them go, they will not just resolve themselves and each time there is an episode, it is harder and harder to get her back to stable.

Don't wait, get her to a psychiatrist as soon as possible, and it takes a while for the meds to work.  Just make sure she is taking them BPs almost always quit their meds numerous times before they stay on.  They will lie about it too. 

I agree with Ellie, give her a certain amount of money and that's all.  Take her credit cards away!  I racked up about 50K in credit cards in a 3 month period before I took meds and now we're bankrupt.  Perfect credit down the drain in 3 months.  Don't let it happen to you.  And don't let her justify why she needs them.  BPs are master manipulators, in case you haven't already noticed that!

I am glad you found us; if you have any questions, there are a lot of great people on this board to help and support you.  Maybe your wife would like to join, too.

Good luck, it's totally worth the wait when we get well. :-)

Posted 5/10/2005 7:32 PM (GMT 0)
:-)  Thanks for the great feedback Ellie and Psychnurse.

I did forget to tell you in my last post that last year she did go to a psychiatrist.  It will be a year this July.  The medication seems to be working very well now.  The DR did tell us it will take awhile for the meds to take hold.

I guess the hardest part for me to deal with is the sleepiness and troubles with sleeping.  I feel so bad for her because she can't sleep at night and then she's really tired during the day.  Not having a good sleep pattern also aggravates her depression.

I've read all kinds of books and articles on Bipolar and I've learned allot.  I know there is so much more for me to learn.

I hope this next question isn't too personel, but I was wondering if either of you had a reduced sex drive once you started on your medications.  I know I've read about some of the medications can cause a low libido.  My wife and I have always had a very fun and active sex life.  Now it's really non-existent.  I hope I don't sound insensitive.  I feel really bad asking this question.  But, sometimes when I make advances she just isn't ready.  I start to feel bad because I think she doesn't find me desireable anymore.  I know I shouldn't feel like that.  I hope you guys don't think I'm goofy for asking this question.

Again thanks for the feedback.  I will talk with all of you later.

 

Posted 5/10/2005 8:17 PM (GMT 0)

RW, if she's having that much trouble sleeping and still having severe mood swings, i.e. mania (shopping compulsively, gong "off" for that long, etc. and depression, and anything more than mild mood swings, her meds are NOT working well.  Does she take an antipsychotic at night to sleep?  Like Seroquel, abilify, Risperdal, etc.  I definitely would NOT recommend Zyprexa, it causes MASSIVE weight gain andvery quickly.  There are tons of things your doc can do to make these things better, but he can't if he doesn't know how much trouble she's having.  Sleep deprivation is the worst thing - like you said it makes depression much worse, and if it goes long enough, can trigger psychosis, hallucinations, voices.

Don't worry about looking foolish, don't be shy about asking anything - sex is vital to a happy, healthy marriage and the mental/physical health of both people. As you probably know by now one of the best features of mania is a huge sex drive!!  That will lessen some with medication, but shouldn't disappear.  If she is having depression problems, that will slow it to a crawl.  It sounds like she may be.  Also, antidepressants in the SSRI family are not only not recommended for bipolar (still used in some, tho), but it can drastically reduce sex drive and/or cause inability to orgasm.  There are other kinds of meds for depression in BPs.

She definitely sounds unmanaged to me.  She may be better than she was, but she could be soooo much better than that.  It doesn't take that long for most meds to work; a couple weeks for most antidepressants, antipsychotics immediately, mood stabilizers fairly quickly as well.  Why don't you go with her to see the doc, because we don't usually know what our symptoms are, unless very depressed.  You need to tell the doc what YOU have noticed.  Make a list every day of what you observe.  I still have my husband watch for me the signs of hypomania starting, because I just think I am feeling good.  I really can't tell, since it's not full blown.  You are an integral part of her success.

Once she is on a better mix of meds, she will be much more herself and her libido will more than likely level out.  You say you met late in life; is she experiencing perimenopause?  That's what happens before menopause and wreaks havoc with BPs because of the intense mood swings and can diminish libido because the hormones are decreasing.  Have her get checked for a testosterone level; that's the hormone that causes libido.  If she is low, she won't have any desire.  She can get replacement therapy and things will return to normal - or better!  I am speaking from experience.

Whatever you do, get her to the pdoc quickly.  If he doesn't seem to listen well, change.

Posted 5/10/2005 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
yeah  Thanks for the feedback psychnurse.

I usually go to the Doctor with her.  However, she usually goes during the day while I'm working.  I know she doesn't tell the Doctor everything.  She has a terrible time remembering things from one day to the next.  I will talk with her Doctor and let her know about the sleeping issues.  I'm also trying to get her to go to a psychologist. 

My wife was adopted as a child.  All of her life she's been trying her best to impress her adoptive parents.  She was always afraid that if she did something wrong that they would return her.  That is the farthest from the truth.  However, her Mom is very negative about life and things in general.  Some of the cause of my wife's depression is from my mother-in-law.  Growing up my wife lived in a family that used to argue allot.  My mother-in-law used to throw things at my father-in-law.  My father-in-law is a recovering alcoholic.  They lost their business because of his drinking.  I know my wife witnessed allot of the mental damaged my mother-in-law inflicted upon my father-in-law.  Today I can say that my father-in-law is a broken man.  He can't do anything without my mother-in-law being right beside him.

My mother-in-law has no friends.  The only friend is my wife.  So, my mother-in-law dumps on my wife constantly.  My mother-in-law can mean at times.  Earlier this year we had a huge fight over how she was treating my wife.  Things seem to be a little better.  I think there is more to my wife's problems than just the bipolar.  I think she's had some issues since she was a child.  I don't know the whole story because my wife is embarassed to tell me things she used to do before we met.  Before she was diagnosed with bipolar she would have manic episodes that entailed being very unresponsible sexually.  She just wanted someone to love her but she never found it until now.

I really don't care what happened in the past.  I just want to help her get better.

She doesn't take anything for sleep except Zanac (I think I spelled it correctly).  The Zanac relaxes her and she falls asleep.

I'm glad I found this site.  I've had so many questions and I didn't where to go for support.  Thanks for all of your feedback.

Posted 5/11/2005 2:02 PM (GMT 0)
There are some studies that suggest not only is BP inherited, it can be triggered by traumatic incidents in childhood.  I believe in many cases that is true.  I wasn't an easy child to raise by any stretch.  My parents (esp. father) just beat me every time I did something wrong.  If I got paddled at school, then I got the belt (until welted for several days) by dad at home that night.  He was/is bipolar too, but will not get help.  He is extremely mean, controlling and both my parents are drunks. He is now a retired business owner and is now very rich - worked his whole life away, no vacations, no spending of money except on his hobbies, everything his way or a huge price to pay.  Now, he is sicker and sicker.  I left at 17 quit high school and got married I wanted out so badly.  Of course, that didn't work!

Anyway this isn't about me!  I am sure she's doing the classic BP thing of not telling the pdoc anything is wrong, becuase she doesn't want to be controlled.  It's scary, there is a huge "crash" (debilitating depression) that can last weeks to a month or more where we get so weak it's hard to go to the bathroom and God forbid accomplish a shower.  BP depression is very different from any other kind.  It's an extreme physical and mental slowing that makes us quit our meds.  That's why so many of us won't take them.  Why trade lots of energy and feeling great for that?  VERY DIFFICULT!  This doesn't happen to all BPs quite that severely, usually the type I gets it the worst.  I also went through it; it took about 2 months in bed, and another 4-5 months to agonizingly slowly get to normal. I am sorry to tell you this, but I dont' want you to be surprised if this happens.  (Worst case scenario, of course). What is she taking besides Xanax? (Her sleeping med).  Please tell me; it would be helpful.

Posted 5/12/2005 11:06 PM (GMT 0)
yeah  Thanks for the reply psychnurse.

My wife is also taking lamictil and one other drug that escapes my mind right now.  I'm going to call her doctor tomorrow to make sure she knows about the sleeping problems.  I will give you an update tomorrow after I talk with her Doctor.

Thanks again.

Posted 4/10/2006 2:05 AM (GMT 0)
I feel your pain!

How do you keep from burning out yourself or takeing what the bipolar spose does or says personal?  My wife was just diagnosed with bipolar and I am so burnt out and stressed that I am not eating much or sleeping.  I want to be supportive and save our marriage but the things she says or does REALLY hurts me.

Posted 4/10/2006 2:41 AM (GMT 0)
Hello GSAVA1,
Many times once a person becomes stable, those hurtful actions begin to diminish. I know I was a real witch when manic. Took my anxiety out on the world. When depressed I was hopeless and just didn't care about myself much less anyone else.
I don't know if your wife is on meds, I'm assuming that since she was just dx that you're probably still looking for the right combo of drugs that works for your wife. Theres alot of trial and error involved and it's difficult for her to try to adjust to the meds as well. She may very well be taking her frustration out on you.
Hang in there, once she's stable, it should get much much better.
Take Care and welcome to Healingwell
Ellie
Posted 4/10/2006 12:43 PM (GMT 0)

Hi GSAVA1,  I can completely understand where your coming from as I am in a relationship with someone who is bipolar.  It is difficult not to get your feelings hurt and still be supportive to them at the same time.  My boyfriend is stable on meds now, but when he wasn't and was actively manic I often would seek my own space to calm myself and level my feelings and head instead of elevating the situation.  Somethings said or done are damaging and can be long lasting to a relationship but you and I have to keep in mind that during these times they are not themselves.  They don't choose to be this way to have bipolar, to hear voices or see things if this is one of their symptoms.  All we can do is be as supportive as possible and try to make sure that they get the treatment that they need.

You may want to talk to your own doctor about your not eating and sleeping at night.  Perhaps you have some situational depression going on and could benefit from a low dose antidepressant which would be short term until things at home are stable again.  Just a thought.....

But in the meantime Healing Well is a great place to come for support and advice so please feel free to utilize it....we are always here.....Take care

Posted 8/29/2007 5:18 AM (GMT 0)
rwsjr, I hope you are still an active member here. I just joined a minute ago after reading the full thread of your and all the others' postings on needing advice on living with a BiPolar Wife and I'm here to tell ya friend, I could've written all the exact same words myself of my wife's and my situation. We just got married this past June 19th, and prior to that we had a few tough and trying times no doubt. She informed me of everything she could ever think of regarding this disease and its realities. She many times over stressed to me to seriously consider marrying into such a scenario for life.

I did not turn a blind eye or deaf ear to anything about the disease or anything relating to it with regards to this absolutely wonderful, loving, and very beautiful woman of my life. My wife. To say I love her dearly scratches the surface of the depth my loving emotions run for her and for our union together. Now that we're married, not much has changed from before we vowed to each other in the eyes of the Lord Jesus Christ, whom serves as a very strong bond for us as a couple.

My poor honey wants so badly to just scrape all those stinkin' meds into the trash, but her devotion to getting better by finding the right balance is what drives her day in and day out. She is the strongest and most amazing woman I never could've imagined. She's more. I may get the opportunity to list all her current meds here, but I'll wait until after this Thursday's meeting to see if anything changes. She just started on Depakote, which I've taken years ago after my malignant brain tumor was removed to avoid seizures. I only had to take it for about a year. That stuff is just awful. wow. Talk about wearin' ya down to nothin'. My wife works with her hands very actively all day as her profession, so to have such an incapacitating drug in your system like that is pretty darn rough. And that's just one of the many that her pdoc has her on right now. Some time ago, her current pdoc also had her on Lithium, which was beyond miserable for her. Nausea CONSTANTLY 24/7. Gracious. This is more than any one human should ever have to endure in their life here on earth. For heaven's sake, we're not here long enough to spend it in such misery as bein' so sick. It makes me sad that anyone has to suffer in such a way.

She's been through the ringer for a very long time - most of her 41 years, and was only diagnosed PROPERLY about ten years ago. A couple of years ago or more recent than that perhaps, she was perfectly balanced and, as the term I read here, stable. She said tonight that for about the past year she's been way off center for finding the right meds. For a very long time, many years that is, she was taking Trileptol, which really worked great for her from what I gather. But her current pdoc took her off of that, thinking its effectiveness was waning. Don't get me wrong, most of the time you'd never have a clue she is having any difficulty, she's that strong with managing herself. But she warns me in the most realistic way, that if the right combination of meds isn't found soon, she's possibly going to slip into the deep dark depths of the real bad side of BP. One of our sayings to each other through our mutual profession of our love is the phrase: "no matter what." I have vowed to always stand true to that and to her through it all, thick and thin, sickness and health, no matter what. I will doubtless eternally look for ways to comfort her evermore than she is whenever she is ill. It's tough to not overdo emotions at those times too.

Interesting predicament we supporters are put in at times like this. Tonight, and most certainly not the first time I've heard this over the last three years we've known each other, but she simply wants to be left COMPLETELY ALONE. TO JUST GO AWAY FOR HOWEVER LONG - who knows.

I am very sorry to admit that I never have proposed the idea of my accompanying her to her pdocs, but just tonight she requested that I join her this Thursday afternoon to visit her pdoc with her, if for no other reason than just for someone else to really lay out the facts of BP to me as a husband to someone who has it. My doubtless and unconditional admiration for her goes without question to me, but as I read many times just in this thread alone, it is mighty tough sometimes. Something I read at the tail end here was written by our Forum Moderator, els, if I may quote: "...I often would seek my own space to calm myself and level my feelings and head instead of elevating the situation." The importance of this particular point, in my amateur opinion, is truly immeasurable.

We've all heard ideas in our lives of how to handle a heated moment, such as take a short walk, count to (whatever number at or over ten), etc. I find myself immediately responding with sarcasm and criticizing her, not extremely or aggressively mind you, I'm not like that, but nonetheless, definitely handling the situation completely incorrectly. We've recently established, with out intention of course, a state of rather constant lack of communication now for a few weeks. You want to talk about tough, (no pun intended), try to live loving every opportunity to show your limitless love to your wife, who simply lets it fall away and leaves you empty, and I mean empty. I have been a very emotional fella my whole life, having been emotionally very close to my mom all my years on this earth, and supporter of many in my days for many folks who've had their tough times too, I know how bad things can get.

Anyway, I found this forum just by typing in "living with a bi-polar wife" (without quotes) and am more happy that I did then I can really tell ya here. It was the first site I clicked on, and feel I sure have found an incredibly valuable resource for my life with my VERY VERY loving wife. Just like I read here also, when she's balanced, my goodness, does she ever radiate joy and happiness to the world around her. :-)

A simple thank you here really does seem inadequate, but for lack of any better expressions, thank you for being here for those of us who really do completely care about our loved ones with this rotten draw of the cards called Bi-Polar.

My best wishes and blessings to all who suffer from this, both those with the disease themselves, and their respective, ever loving caretakers. I believe in you. Have faith in yourself and in yours truly, as you are with them for a reason. It is perhaps why we are here if ever you need a reason.
- C
Posted 8/29/2007 7:57 PM (GMT 0)
seenee,

I just wanted to let you know that this is an old thread, and it has not been active for over a year.

I also wanted to welcome you to the HW family, I am glad you found us. I am sure you will find the support you are looking for here.
Posted 8/29/2007 10:43 PM (GMT 0)
Yea Olivia, I knew the most recent posting was from April of last year, but addressed my post to the originator, rmjsr because, with some differences now that I re-read his posting, our situations are quite similar. That was likely the problem with reading and typing all in one sitting late at night. When writing a research paper for instance, I spend time revising and proofreading for accuracy in response to something or to initiate thought on something. But that is not the case for online forums. Just type and send.

Anyway, I hope other folks will join in on this particular topic. It's a big deal, and I am really happy to get started on the process of thoroughly understanding as much about her being affected by it as I ever can.

Thank you all again,
- C
Posted 8/30/2007 1:26 PM (GMT 0)
Hey C,

Lots of people here are working on understanding their bp spouses, and many more recently. Why not start your own thread? Do you have any particular questions?

serafena
Posted 9/3/2007 2:10 PM (GMT 0)
 

Hello All,

Only recently found this forum.

Thank you for all your postings!

You really have been a big help for sorting out the emotional BP-dating puzzle I had to solve lately. Thank you all so much for your honest sharing and letting me know all this! The pain becomes somewhat more bearable now.

I edted this post dues to Forum Rules #4

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Post Edited By Moderator (olivia of course) : 9/3/2007 4:53:28 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/25/2007 12:19 PM (GMT 0)
rwsjr,
Just ran across your post and your situation sounds exactly like mine. I I mean if I didn't know better I'd say it was mine. I could really use someone to bounce all this stuff off of that was in the same situation I was. Everyone keeps saying, including my wife that she needs someone to talk too and yesterday my Dad said " who do you have to talk to" well noboby really although my two year old is a great listener - doesn't say much but he listens great. Anyway if you'd like to take me up on my offer my user name on here is Needs Advice. Hope everything is going ok.
Posted 10/25/2007 12:21 PM (GMT 0)
rwsjr,
Oh by the way my wife had the same sleep problems and after spending 8 days in the hospital they added remeron to her combo of meds and she sleeps great at this point - only been about a week though - keeping our fingers crossed.
Posted 10/28/2007 7:44 PM (GMT 0)
As stated above I could have written this post....

HELP,

Where do I go Who do I talk to , How do I get my wife some help..

We have been together for just over 2 years, We now have a 1 month old son. My wife's problems go back a long way Back to when she was a child. Without going in to great details Here goes.

At a very young age my wife was molested by her father as were her and her sisters. She has been told this by her eldest sister, She (My wife) firmly denies this fact. then she met a guy at the age of 15 who she wasn't allowed to see until she was of age. At the age of 16 he said to her it's him or me get in the car, And away she went. Knowing this man for the past few years I will say he is very controlling and used her as a door mat, As do her 3 son's they learned that her or any other woman are nothing more then house keepers. She left him several times in the past 18 years and for the last time when she met me. Well her problem is still him we can be having a great week month day or evening then she will call him or her youngest son (9) will flip out and she begins to take it out on me. I mean Jeckle and Hyde night and day. in the matter of minutes. She told my mother lastnight after I packed up the baby and left our home that she was afraid of me... Yet its me who bears the brunt of her anger (My mother being an abused spouse) told her that was B.S she finally admitted that it wasn't me it was he ex husband. She will admit that she needs help then say 10 minutes later it's not me its everyone else. SHe has told me that she is lost and I believe her 100%. Last night she left my Mothers place to go home and get some rest (something we haven't had a lot of) having a pre term baby. Last week she finally asked her GP for a referral to a psychiatrist only because I told her that if she didnt get some help she was going to lose her family.

Lastnight she left here in a very good mood telling me she loved me telling me she wanted her family back, She even called me at 5 am saying she was sorry for doing this for causing this, for chasing me away. Then by 9 am it was totally different she was blaming me yelling and cursing name calling and insulting my son. Telling me she only had a baby because I wanted it. Never mind that this was her second pregnancy with me. She terminated the first, Due to the fact she cheated on me and didnt really know who's it was But that was a huge lie on her part. In December when she asked me what I wanted I said that I wanted her back. Back to before August and I wanted back what we had before October when she did what she did. She said Feb-March well she got pregnant in January. Her mother ignores her and talks crap about her. I went to bring her a coffee at 11 and she was fine. hugging and holding me crying telling me she loved me and she was sorry again.

She shows signs of Bipolar and I need her to get some help we are to be moving in together in 3 days and there is no way I can do it not knowing when she is going to flip again. I am going to call her son's physiologist tomorrow morning she told her last summer she needed help (thank god a professional saw that) Is there somewhere I can take her someone I can take her too and get her the help she needs. I want my family back I want to find the woman I fell in love with I want my sons mother... Im so alone tight now it stings.



Sorry for thread jacking just have no clue...
Posted 10/29/2007 1:35 AM (GMT 0)
LH, 

I have been dealing with the same issues with my husband for the last year.... the Jekyl and Hide, he loves me he hates me rollercoaster....    The crying and I want you back one minute... I hate you get out of my life the next are all things I have faced this year....

First I live in Canada and things may work diffrently in the states but I can tell you I have done EVERYTHING I can think of and talked to anyone who will listen and have gotton the same anwser from every professional.... "Yes, It sounds like BP... Need to rule out any thing Physical... but you need to talk him into coming to see me" ....  I have tried and I can't....  He has promised to go and Hasn't shown up.... Says he's not the problem everyone else is....

I went and seen an MD on my own as we need a referral here before you can go to a Psyh and made a deal that if I talked him in on a good day the doc would interupt his clinic hours and see him right then and there.... you may want to see if you can do this as in my case his mood always changes before we can get an appointment....

Tough Love is the other thing I have learned from the people on here.... I am trying hard to stick to my guns ... He dosn't care cause he's in "Happy" Manic at the moment... then if history repeats itself... he will fall into "Angry" Manic... Then depressed... then calm.... Calm is when he loves me, crys that he's sorry, and agrees he has a problem......    This is when I will Try and stay firm.... DR or Divorce......

I encourage you to stay tough too.... especially for the sake of that baby (which I hope you have at the moment)   Good luck!!!

 

Posted 10/29/2007 5:07 AM (GMT 0)
Scared_Wife

I am also in Canada. and have basically been told the same thing. Hopefuly she holds to her word and me and the baby ( that is with me) are important enough to her and that will make her get the help she needs.

thank you for your encouragement and support.
Posted 10/30/2007 5:54 AM (GMT 0)
Hi LivingH3ll,

Welcome to the Forum, glad to have you. I hope you find the support you're looking for here.

It sounds like you're in quite a fraught situation with your wife. The basic advice I (and many others) have given to others (like Scared_wife) in your situation is to do what you can to help your wife, but to take care of yourself and your son first, because she's so resistant to treatment. She's got a pretty hard strain of the disorder. I'm no doctor, but she sounds like she's in the extreme stages of mania (if indeed she has mania and not something more pernicious). She has lived a tough, abused life, and she sounds like she's paranoid and unpredictable right now, so... be cautious about leaving her with the children, urge her to get help, learn about and use your resources to help both her and you, and take care of yourself. I know you love your wife, but your own needs and mental health count too.

Page back through the old threads. Read the threads started by Scared_Wife, Casem and Lleaky. They're similar, but with their husbands/bfs.

Again, welcome. We're more than happy to talk about any aspect of this we can.

serafena
Posted 10/30/2007 3:18 PM (GMT 0)
LivingH3ll,

Welcome to the HW Family! If you need love and support....you found it! I hope you have the time to read through some of the previous posts that serafena suggested. I know what you are thinking..."that is someone else's life...how can I learn from that, how can their situation help me?". Suspend disbelief for a moment, and trust me. Just read the posts, and you will see similarities in our stories. You will feel your pain in our words and you will know instantly that you are not alone.

I will reiterate what Scared Wife said....you need to be strong for you, your wife, and the baby. Read all that you can on this forum, and read all that you can regarding BP. When your wife is in a calm state, talk to her about your concerns and encourage her to get help for her sake and the sake of your family.

One of the biggest lessons I have learned from this forum is that she needs to want to seek help herself, and until she takes the lead in seeking help, she will continue to drag you through the chaos....IF you let her. First things first, your wife needs to see a pyschiatrist (pdoc) to be formally diagnosed.

BP is cunning and terrifying and manipulative when it isn't managed. But it can be managed and there are so many people on this forum that live wonderful, inspirational lives with BP. They struggle like everyone else, but they overcome their obstacles despite their BP.

Stay Strong!

 

Posted 10/30/2007 9:50 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Everyone...


Well things are not getting any better, We now have Children's Aid Society involved. Well awaiting involvement, due to the questions my wife answered to the public health nurse who thinks my wife is in an abusive relationship. It seems that the offices set to help are not there to help but there to interfere with progress. Yesterday I had a lengthy conversation with the PHN and this morning my wife came to see the baby and called the nurse... some of things that happened were not right at all. First my wife lied about being here, said she was at a friends, Secondly if she was afraid of me would I be at her house for 8 am to take her 9 year old son to school? the Nurse didnt understand that. So after my wife got off the phone with her I called right back (from the same number) and spoke to the nurse... said listen heres the deal she is here and called from here (check the numbers) this brings up a trust issue even the nurse is now questioning the things she is saying. Like when she asked what she felt Saturday when I removed the baby from the home her reply to me was "I Didn't Give a ****" to the nurse she said I don't know. Another thing is the fact she says I'm nursing the baby (Yes I agree) Once or twice a day for 5 or 10 minutes... and only when encouraged by myself. I spoke with her son's Psychologist this morning who basically said there is nothing I can do let things run there course let others see the way she is...

Now on the other hand how can a person who has seen us once make these kinds of judgments......


My wife has admitted that she doesnt like to be questioned she feels cornered and threatened and gives the answer she feels you want her to hear. that is what is causing most of her problems right now.

or to the has he put his hands on you "Yes or No" she says "I don't know"

Now she has like i said asked her GP for a referral but thats doesn't prove anything.

{I edited out the strong language} -- serafena

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 10/31/2007 8:27:07 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/31/2007 3:23 AM (GMT 0)
I received a phone call shortly after posting this from the Children's Aid Society. Basically they wanted to know where the baby was I guess the Nurse did call but wasn't sure on the location of the baby?? anyways they were relieved when I said he was with me and has been since Saturday, and when I asked about getting my wife the help she needed I was told to either take her to the General Hospital where there is a Mental Health crisis team there that would see her.... Problem, I can't really drag her out of the car can I point made.. the CAS worker did say that someone on the case would be contacting me tomorrow and likely paying mom a visit and if she is that out of it she would be given the choice get the help you need or the baby will only visit you and we might also look at removing your 9 year old as well..

It looks like I am finally going to get my wife back... hopefully, Another thing the worker wasn't to pleased about was the way the nurse was prying for information and not being 100% honest with me as to the things she was asking my wife about.. Another thing is there was a worker already to see us 3 weeks ago when we brought our son home she came and went with no concerns had she a trained professional had concerns regarding our relationship they would have been back, They know there is no spousal abuse happening how can a nurse who has seen us together once and talked on the phone make that determination..

I also understand that I can not fix my wife.. But I can darn sure make sure the doors that need be opened are opened for her.
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