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Posted 10/30/2007 6:17 PM (GMT 0)
I have never posted on this board - I just found it today.  I have struggled with depression for 20 years.  I was diagnosed with bipolar when I was in my early twenties - took meds for a while - and then decided on my own to stop taking all meds for good.  I was up and down for years until about a year ago I was so depressed I knew I had to do something.  I finally went to my family doctor and told him I was dealing with anxiety & depression so he put me on lexapro.  BUT now I feel the bipolar symptoms coming on strong again - I have these major highs & then crash to such lows & fatigue + drinking (heavy drinking)  I know it's wrong to drink while on meds (also taking sleep meds) and I know I have got to stop this all.  I am discouraged, so disappointed in myself & just don't know where to go from here.  I am only in my early 30's and have such a fantastic life it would make you guys sick.  So why do I feel this way?  It really bothers me.   I am thinking I should change my medication but I am not sure.  Maybe the drinking  & mixing with meds have caused the change?  I just don't know.   I have also noticed since I have increased my drinking (which has been going on daily for 5 years) I get very angry, totally unlike myself, experiance fits of rage, feelings of wanting to die over the smallest dissapointments in myself etc...

Need some advice & support.  I have no-one to talk to but hubby and he doesn't have ANY "issues" so I feel bad about myself talking to him.  He is great and so supportive, but I just feel guilty admiting this stuff to him. 

thanks for listening. 

 

Posted 10/30/2007 6:27 PM (GMT 0)
wycmlife,

Welcome to the HW family and the Bipolar forum, you will see that you will find a lot of support here.

I know how hard it is not to take my BP meds, but I force myself to, or my life spins out of control. If you say that you have been diagnosed with BP at a younger age, Lexapro is probably not doing much to control you high moods. It might be helping with the low moods. The addage of alcohol is not helping the situation at all.

I would make an appointment with a psychiatrist ASAP and explain your situation, you should not have to go through highs and lows. There are a lot of new medication that do not have that much if any side effects at all.

Best Wishes!
Posted 10/30/2007 9:39 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for the welcome - I am really glad to have found this place :0) I look forward to all the help & support offered here
Posted 10/30/2007 11:44 PM (GMT 0)

wtcmlife32,

Welcome to HW.  I have a lot of ideas that could help you tremendously.

I was dx'd with depression in 2000.  Then, two years ago, that dx changed to BipolarII.  Until a year ago, I always let the depression/bipolar have power over my entire life.  Then my pdoc referred me to a support group at the hospital.  I didn't really like the idea of talking to strangers, meeting them face to face every week, with my personal problems.  But, it was amazing.  The first few sessions were a little awkward, but after that, we all really talked about our bp and the group leaders helped us help each other through it.  Or at least, how to get ourselves through the worst times, or just through the day.  Whatever the case...I left there with something so much more powerful than medication.  I know how to cope now.

And I think that is what you could really benefit from.  Learning how to cope.  It sounds to me like you have a problem with drinking.  Don't beat yourself up about that.  It sounds to me like you want to change that.  That's a good place to start.  I think if you could start seeing a psychiatrist, that would be the best thing.  Then maybe the pdoc could refer you into programs to help you deal with your issues, and help you get better.  It's all about getting solid professional support, and then using that support to get more support.  (if that made any sense...)

It's great that you found HW.  We can listen and provide feedback for you, and that will help.

I just know that while depression/anxiety and bp can all be so debilitating, we can take care of ourselves and help ourselves to feel a little better along the way.  But in order to do that, we do need to do some work. :-) And you can do it, believe me.

Posted 10/30/2007 11:58 PM (GMT 0)
wtcmlife32

Hello :-)

I agree with everyone else. You should see a psychiatrist and get your meds adjusted properly so your moods are not up and down. That is the bi-polar that needs to get under control and the drinking is just making everything worse.

You have been drinking daily for the last five years and recently have increased the amount.  You should really consider getting into AA and deal with that. Obviously it doesn't bring out the best in you as you have stated anyway. Plus you are never going to feel any improvement if you don't get the drinking under control.

This will probably be very hard for you. Would you consider getting some talk therapy to help support you along the way?

Be honest with your doctor if you really want to be pro active in getting your life under control. You should ask your psychiatrist about support programs available to you to help in these areas.

You made the first step by posting here for some support and direction. Good for you. Continue to follow-up with your concerns. You don't have to feel so miserable and guilty.

I hope you take some of our suggestions. Keep posting. We want to be supportive and see you on your way to wellness.

 

Posted 10/31/2007 12:06 AM (GMT 0)
wow, thank you so much for the wonderful repsonse. It makes me feel so much better to have some support & a place to post where I am not judged. I do have to agree with finding a psychiatrist and I am sure that will benefit me - should I ask my pdoc to recommend someone? I don't have insurance and I am afraid of what all this is going to cost!

I have never seen any type of therapist and it kind of makes me nervous. I am a pretty shy person and thinking of joining a group setting / aa scares me to death!

I guess I need to get past all that if I can but that is another problem of mine - *another thing to add to the list!* ugh
Posted 10/31/2007 12:18 AM (GMT 0)
wtcmlife32

Hello again! tongue

I would definately start with asking your current doctor about a referral to see a psychiatrist to manage your bi-polar. Inform him about your concerns with having no health insurance and if he could help direct you in this matter.

I can understand about everything becoming over whelming for you with the suggestion of committing to an AA group or therapy. Take one thing at a time with getting in to see a psychiatrist.

Do you think you can handle the drinking issue on your own? If not, maybe you can take a friend with you. You can just listen, you don't have to talk about anything that you don't want to. But just being there and listening I am sure you will find so much support.

Does your husband drink as well? If not maybe confiding in him and asking him to come along as support to you would be helpful.

Posted 11/1/2007 2:33 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Wtcmlife32,

Welcome to the board. I hope we can offer you a place to find some support.

Drinking and bipolar together are very common and you shouldn't feel bad. I would definitely make a psychiatrist my first stop, though. Getting the bipolar undercontrol can help a lot.

Look forward to getting to know you,
Posted 11/1/2007 11:03 PM (GMT 0)
Can I ask a dumb question - is a psychiatrist the same as a therapist?
Posted 11/1/2007 11:14 PM (GMT 0)
The is no such a thing as a dumb question.

There are some psychiatrist that do therapy as well, but they are usually separate.  A psychiatrist in one who prescribes and follows up on meds.  While a therapist does talk therapy and works with what is going on now as well as the past.  And works with you to get over them and move into the future.

Posted 11/1/2007 11:45 PM (GMT 0)
thanks for clearing that up - so one *more* question - does anyone know if a therapist can SUGGEST medication for your pdoc to prescribe? Or do they have the knowledge to do that. The reason I'm asking is I made an appt. to see a therapist here locally but would like to see someone who could also prescribe meds too and make sure I'm on the right thing etc... I'd love to see a christian psychiatrist but haven't had luck yet when doing a search.

Thanks for the help.
Posted 11/2/2007 1:50 PM (GMT 0)
wtcmlife32 Hi, Some therapists probably aren't comfortable suggesting what meds might work, but they do have some knowledge about how some of the work.  But they certainly don't have as much knowledge about the meds as a psychiatrist does.  Your therapist would probably recommend some psychiatrists for you to check out - make sure to ask whohe/she would recommend for you. As others have already said, the drinking is not helping you in any way.  I know how hard it is to stop - I am an recovering alcoholic and haven't had a drink in almost 16 years.  You need support to overcome this problem and coming here is the first step to doing that.  If you can find a local AA meeting (they are free), as someone else has already suggested, you can go there to just listen to others speaking about their problems/life.  Whenyou feel comfortable maybe will also be able to speak about your drinking problem.  It's not an easy thing, but you really do need the support and DO NOT beat yourself up about this - please remember that it's an illness just like the BP.  I am very happy for you that you found this site, the Healing Well family is the best there is - very supportive, loving, caring, thoughtful and respectful.  You don't get judged here, just supprt and help.  Keep posting and let us know how you are doing. Take care, Wen
Posted 11/2/2007 8:46 PM (GMT 0)

Wen,

Thanks so much for the kind post.  I know I need to check into AA & now that I've read I don't HAVE to talk right away I am going to check into it. LOL that may seem like a goofy reason for not going to some people, but it's hard for me to open up to others.  Especially strangers! However, I know I need as much support as possible and need to make myself do it.  You guys have all been SO great! 

Thanks for taking the time to post a message to me. 

Posted 11/3/2007 1:21 AM (GMT 0)
Wtcmlife32:

My father has been working very hard the past 2 years to recover from alcoholism. He almost died, quite literally, twice in the past three years from drinking. But since he's stopped drinking he's another person. He's himself again. That's not to say he's perfect and his life is 100% back together, it's not. But he's much healthier and on the road to taking care of himself. That's what's important. You are also on the road to taking care of yourself. It's a long haul. I hope your husband will be positive and help you along too.

I noticed on the 6-month thread you said you wondered what people do in the evenings besides drink. So everyone -- let's tell wtcmlife what we do.

I watch tv with my husband or surf the web, and drink coffee or tea. Sometimes I read.
Posted 11/3/2007 5:56 PM (GMT 0)
You are very welcome for the post and it doesn't sound silly to have that as a reason for not going, because it would also be a reason for me.  So just it at your own pace and I know that once you have kicked the drinking out of your life, you will feel like a new person and I bet everyone around you will notice the difference too and will like the new you. I watch TV, read, work in my phobia workbook, surf the web, work on MoodGym, then sleep - LOL Wen
Posted 11/7/2007 10:03 PM (GMT 0)
Well, I have an appointment tomorrow to speak w/ a therapist - Hoping it will help. It's been hard changing my nightly habit of wine drinking & tv watching :0) I have only slipped ( 1 drink) in 9 days - Hey, that is GOOD for me. *lol*

Will post more after my appointment. :)
Posted 11/8/2007 3:51 AM (GMT 0)
wtcmlife32,

Hi! :-)   It's nice to hear from you again. I'm so glad to hear that you have an appt. tomorrow with a therapist. I hope everything works out well for you. You're doing a great job on the drinking as well...9 days and 1 slip....You should be very proud of yourself. I am of you!!! Keep us posted.

Sincerely,

Posted 11/9/2007 12:14 PM (GMT 0)
wtmclife32,

Hello, how have you been doing? I wanted to check in with you. How did your appt. go with the therapist the other day?

Sincerely,

Posted 11/9/2007 3:06 PM (GMT 0)
Good Morning everyone :0)

My appointment went well - My therapist suggested I do see a psychiatrist to help with meds. She feels I am probably not on the correct medication right now - plus I am on a very low dosage. It was nice talking to someone - even if I did have to pay her $95 to listen! *lol* She suggests I see her 1 time a week and is going to refer me to a psychiatrist. It really wore me out mentally talking about all the "crap" I've gone through growing up etc... So when my appointmet was over I talked myself in to buying a bottle of wine (hey, I deserved it after the long day & all the junk I just "relived" at therapy) But, the good news is I only had 2 very small glasses and couldn't even finish the 2nd and it just didn't do it for me - I didn't enjoy it like before. I am actually so excited about this. :0) I got up this morning & poured the bottle down the drain and actually felt a weight being lifted. Anyway... I just wanted to share. I know I have a long road ahead, but just seeing the smallest improvements is always a great thing.

Thank you all for being so great! It's a blessing to have others who show care & concern.
Posted 11/9/2007 6:59 PM (GMT 0)
Congratulations to a wonderful appointment and very productive evening! It takes a lot of strength and courage to do what you did! Not only seeing the therapist, but pouring out the bottle of wine....a HUGE step on your journey to wellness......

Stay Strong!
Posted 11/10/2007 9:33 PM (GMT 0)
I am glad your appointment went so well. Also you should feel proud for poring the wine down the drain. As Casem said, you are on your way to wellness, and do not give up. Hang in there, you are on the right path.
Posted 11/10/2007 10:27 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you very much :0)
Posted 11/11/2007 12:32 PM (GMT 0)
wtcmlife32

Hi, thanks for keeping us posted. I too am glad that you found a therapist. 

Be honest with your therapist and let her know how your last session affected you:...you said, " It really wore me out mentally talking about all the "crap" I've gone through growing up etc... So when my appointmet was over I talked myself in to buying a bottle of wine (hey, I deserved it after the long day & all the junk I just "relived" at therapy)." She can help you with this. Therapy works really well if you're totally honest!

I wish you much luck with getting into seeing a psychiatrist soon so that they can adjust your meds properly. This will have a huge affect on your moods too.

Congratulations on working so hard on the drinking issue. yeah You should be very proud of yourself. It is a lot of discipline and you are showing much strenghth.  I am very proud of you!

I'm so glad that you found us here and got some of the support and direction that you needed. It is so good for you that you are taking a pro-active stance on your health.  Keep up the good work. And continue to keep us posted!

YOU GO GIRL!!! yeah

 

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