trigger

got so very depressed past few days. but thanks to a friend's statement, i found my trigger. unfortunately, it's church. was becoming more active in my episcopal church... altar guild, chalice bearer, reader, lay eucharistic visitor. now i cry just going there. break apart at the smallest thing. so what do i do now? just totally cut off from it all? afraid to go there at all. cry and cycle down every time. calls up all these memories of all i had done and how little i can do. also how i'm nothing and can't do anything right. can't seem to read prayer book. lose my place, read words wrong. have "retired" from reading and altar guild, etc. but is totally cutting myself off good for me?

laura:

blasted cycling! whole thing went away friday night like a bubble popped. felt good yesterday... went for a walk, cooked, paid attention to my pets. problem is i'm scared of the dark side. figuring the bubble popped because i went to see my spiritual advisor. felt better after talking with her. but i'm afraid the other shoe will drop and i'll be back in the darkness. yes, have been limping thru the book. can't go near it when i'm down... brings out really strong feelings of denial.