Hi LFW,
Thank you so much for asking about me. I miss you and think of you often in warm, sunny SoCAL!
It has been quite awhile, but I check in now and then, to try and keep up with everyone else. There are quite a few new people so I feel a little out of the loop....but I identify with their hurt and pain so much I wish I could hug every single one of them.
It has been almost 6 weeks since I have talked to Michael. On Jan. 4th I told him that there is no room in my life for an unhealthy person such as himself. He made no effort to contact me for one month. As of last week, ALL of his belongings, down to the last dish in the cupboard was packed, placed in the garage and picked up! I simply sent a text message asking him to pick up his things and not to call me, email me, text me and not to respond to my text under any circumstances. Ofcourse he did, with a "Real nice of you". I did not respond. I feel free and cleansed.
I attribute my strength to the best therapist this side of the Mississippi! I have seen David twice a week since the beginning of January and, although it has been one of the most painful experiences, I am moving forward and learning more about myself and who I am and what I want from life. I have read two of the greatest books about the family dynamic and schematherapy and "why I do the things I do." (Am I allowed to say what books they are or is that considered advertising?) Without my therapist, I wouldn't be able to set the limits with Michael that I have and feel as good as I do today. I know I have along way to go...but it is a start.
Michael called and texted on Tuesday, I did not respond. It helped me to feel even more invested at a time when I was waivering and questing my commitment to myself. He is still not healthy, his downward spiral has is rapidly progressing and there is nothing his dad nor I can do. I have accepted this and I am focusing all of my energy on myself, with out guilt or remorse.
My advice to every one considering a life with someone with bipolar disorder who refuses to seek treatment or take responsibility for their illness is to set limits and hold strong and true to those limits. For yourself and for the person you love. The decisions you make regarding this illness have NOTHING to do with love. You can love someone with all of your heart and soul, but if they are not committed to their own treatment program, and if you do not set limits for what you will accept in your life, and are not prepared to act if those limits are breached, no amount of love in this world will save your relationship with someone with bipolar disorder.
But I also know.....everyone needs to learn on their own, the hard way. The advice here on HW is invaluable, and if only the experiences of others could truly touch the minds and hearts of everyone so they could "JUST DO WHAT WE SAY", it would save so much heartache. But I think the journey is half of the "healing well", no matter how much it hurts.
How are you, your H and S? How are you feeling lately? How is the business?