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Could BF be BP?

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 3/30/2008 6:33 PM (GMT 0)

Hi Everyone,

I've never done anything like this before, so forgive me if I'm not following protocol correctly...

I have been dating a man off and on for a year now.  We broke up five months ago because he refused to go into counseling for his jealousy/insecurity issues.  We just reunited a couple weeks ago (since broke up again), whereupon he told me he had started getting medication and counseling on his own.  This made me extremely happy to say the least, as I really am in love with this person.  However, the behavior is still happening and I just don't think I can take it anymore.  He said the Dr. said it might be BP disorder.  After reading some of the posts, I am seeing a lot of similarities.  I thought I was going crazy (he has an ability to make me think it's really my fault).  I just wanted some feedback on whether or not the following behaviors were typical of someone with BP disorder?

perceived or imagined flirtation by people such as waiters, friends' spouses, strangers on the street

disinterest in meeting my friends

extremely romantic, deep

mood switches on a dime (trigger usually other men)

instantly withdraws from me, don't hear from him for weeks and when I do he is hateful, emotionally abusive

comes back apologetic, swears it won't happen again, but it does (I count 15 times now)

appears to have a total personality switch and I never know when it's going to happen, what will trigger it, or how long he will be in this alternate personality which is very distant, cold, mean, and indifferent

when we are up, we are very up and very much in love

when we are down, it's like pure hell

happy times only seem to last a few days

I appreciate any input anyone might have.  Frankly, I don't think I can carry on this relationship any longer.  It has taken a serious toll on my health and well-being.  I don't think he is as committed to therapy as he should be and that is what it would take for this to work.  I'm only hoping that some information might help me to understand "what happened" with us.

Thank you!

Posted 3/30/2008 7:18 PM (GMT 0)
Hi In Love,

Welcome to Healing Well,

It's impossible to diagnose anyone online, as I am sure you guessed. Plus we're not doctors. That said, some of his behaviors definitely fit the bill, like mood swings. But if he has BP he cycles fast. But what they made me think more of was borderline personality disorder. Have you heard of that? You see, bp usually isn't so centered around a relationship and the up times and down times affect more than relationships -- they effect spending, ability to hold down a job, things like that. Instead, take a look at BPD. Here's a link to NIMH's explanation: www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/borderline-personality-disorder.shtml
Here's the Mayo Clinic's: www.mayoclinic.com/health/borderline-personality-disorder/DS00442/DSECTION=2

I may be totally off base, but it's just a thought.
Good luck.
serafena
Posted 3/30/2008 7:38 PM (GMT 0)
Emotional abuse is hard to bear ,you have decided something but you need to stick with it.
Good luck !
Posted 3/30/2008 8:26 PM (GMT 0)
In Love, here is the truth in a nutshell if your BF is (or even to some degree if he isn't - given he has issues) - from the perspective of a spouse. While some of us spouses have learned how to manage and carry on successful relationships with our BP spouses. I will tell you that truth....regardless of the level and type of BP symptoms someone has....IT IS NEVER EASY. It will ALWAYS take a toll on you. At the early stages of the relationship that you are at, it is time to SERIOUSLY examine if this is the life YOU want for yourself. ONLY YOU can decide that. You may be able to go through phases that are easier than others together...where meds are working and the person is stable. But understand, stable does not mean BP issue free...AND it will NEVER stay that way...EVER. You will swing into good phases, and then bad phases. It is NOT an easy life. BP does not permit it to be. So now is the time to look at how it REALLY is RIGHT NOW, and recognize that to some level....this is what life really would look like for you. Ask yourself do you want that? If not....it is time to let it go and move on.

The key to success in a relationship with a BP is dominantly in the hands of the BP themselves. How committed are they to their own wellness? How aware are they about how their condition affects others around them? How much ownership do they take to their condition? And lastly, how aware are they of their own behavior - especially when it is off or beyond the "normal" range for things? Are they willing to SEE when things are off in their tone, reactions, impulses, behavior...etc...and then manually override what they are "feeling" at that time, for what they know is right or more balanced...even if it doesn't match how they are "feeling" in that moment. It takes a special person who has BP to do all this. And even then....it's not easy for them, or their spouse.

The choice of your life is yours. Tell the truth to yourself about what you want for you and your future, and make an informed choice. There is no right or wrong here...but only you will know what is right for you. And remember, you count too. Best of luck. LFW

Post Edited (loving frustrated wife) : 3/30/2008 4:20:41 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/19/2008 6:07 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks everyone for your feedback! It really helped me get through a couple rough weeks just knowing that others had experienced similar things with their significant others and that I wasn't going crazy. The relationship is over...and I'm moving on. Thanks Again!
Posted 4/19/2008 6:19 PM (GMT 0)
CONGRATS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!sounds unfamiliar but you saved your life from another many years from pure guess work,walking on eggshells and scared for your own and relationship's future.

we need a break up party gal,sounds crude but i wish coould make you my role model..as i am depressed a lot due to my bf's mood swings and personality switch.

keep posting and keep in touch!!

luv ya
yana
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