my first real manic episode

Oh my goodness I can not believe my last month, it has been out of control.  I was diagnossed with Bipolar I in 1999 and have mostly had hypomanic and severe depression episodes to the point of many suicide attempts.  But this was my first episode like this and I could not control myself and I do not know what to think about it.  I started going to this bar and drinking a lot.  Then I slept with a person that I have know for many years, but he is also a friend of my husbands.  The problem with that was I did not even feel any guilt at the time.  Then I started to get very creative and decorated my house (I have never had the talent to do it before).  I was just out of control and that had never happened to me before, and I do not know what to do.  I am now starting to come down and am feeling the guilt bad.  I am not in a severe depression yet, but I think it is on its way because I can feel it.  My insurance is so bad that I do not even have a Psychologist only a nurse practioner who manages my meds.  Is this Bipolar II and has anyone ever experienced this change after so many years of the Bipolar II.  Please help me because I do not know what to do.  I live away from my family and have no real friends here.  I feel such guilt now that I do not know what to do.

Hi Maggiern,

It certainly sounds like mania to me as well, and not hypomania like with bipolar II, real mania like with bipolar I. Bipolar is known to worsen over time. And yes, the depression is probably coming -- it nearly always comes after mania. Definitely give a call to your medical professional, whoever that is, and let them know what is up. You're going to need some meds to regulate your moods more effectively. As to the guilt, that I cannot help you with. You need to decide if your marriage can handle the strain of some honesty. I always think that's the best policy myself. If your husband knows you're bipolar, if he knows you've been in a manic stage, he may understand more easily, but it's certainly going to be hard, no matter how the conversation goes. I don't know if your insurance would cover a therapist, but check into it, because you might to better if you had a therapist to talk to who could prep you for how to proceed and help you process the guilt.

Good luck. I'm glad you're coming out of mania -- they can be nightmarish.

serafena

I tend to get angry at that advice that I also get from people. "Everyone has mood swings, everyone has anxiety". It is the degree to which we experience them where the difference lies.

While your friend probably meant well, they always do, it isn't helpful to think your problem isn't real. Labeling aside, the treatment is needed no matter what you call it.