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Posted 7/12/2008 1:10 PM (GMT 0)
My BP's fiance job search (stressors) really sunk him into a depression (he's on lithium, risperdal and wellbutrin-the wellbutrin no loner works like a charm) and we have an appt with our psych on Tuesday. I hate seeing him like this. I have a high-pressure job, so it's enough to get lost in, but when I get home, I just collapse like a dead fish and it's all i can do to just hold him and cry with him. We're getting married in 3 weeks and he wants so badly to feel outwardly excited...and of course he has guilt that he's not and I keep trying to be both our cheerleaders and i'm depleted. He has a job, so that's a good thing, but trying to adjust to it *it is low stress...we try to make his life has stress-less as possible* while depressed is not a winning situation.

I don't know how we do it sometimes, but we do. I'm not trying to say it's harder being a spouse of someone suffering from bp, but some days it certainly feels like it.

Anyway, hopefully the words will be kind in response. I have all the compassion in the world for people suffering from this literally physical and mental illness, and I know that I suffer differently, but I could use a little compassion for me right now.

thanks
Posted 7/12/2008 3:03 PM (GMT 0)
Definitely you need compassion. It IS harder being a spouse of someone suffering from BP. I know I would say so (and my husband I think would agree.) We need a lot of love and patience (great heaping bushelsfull of patience). And planning a wedding is stressful. And having a stressful job is stressful (teehee). And so is a job search. You have a ton of stuff on your plate right now. Add in a needy fiance and suddenly you need a girls night out with many margaritas. Regardless of whether you actually drink margaritas (mmmmm) you do need to remember to take care of yourself. Help your fiance, but remember also that he's not as fragile as he seems. Ask him for some alone time if you need it, tell him why, he'll probably be more than happy to give you a little break.

(((((hugs)))))
serafena
Posted 7/12/2008 5:23 PM (GMT 0)
I think it's great that your fiance has you. Coming to this forum shows and says a lot about you. Lots of people don't take the time to try to understand they just get mad or run for the hills!

I was planning a wedding for a while, we postponed due to heath and money troubles, and I know first hand how stressful it can be on both parties and their relationship. I'm a forum type person so I found a wedding forum and found out I wasn't alone in how stressed I was...I know this doesn't help right this second, but maybe things will start to look up after the wedding. That sounds bad because weddings are supposed to be such happy events, and they are, but boy does the planning cause stress!

Like serafina said, you need to take care of you too. Don't feel guilty about needing support or if you need time alone or time with friends. You have so much going on right now with the job situation, the wedding, and now your fiance's bipolar acting up. Hopefully the psych will make changes if needed and soon your fiance will start feeling better. I don't think anyone here is going to give you trouble for how you're feeling. *hugs*

Posted 7/13/2008 1:25 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks for your responses. We have a great therapist and psych, so I'm hopeful that this med adjustment will work (he sees his doc on Tuesday- I can't go to the appt b/c i desperately need to see my own therapist the same evening-we made a list of symptoms last night and how long they've persisted so he doesn't forget to mention anything :) I am seriously in the midst of my own pity party, though. I want the man I fell in love with back so we can celebrate getting married in three weeks...then there's the side of me that rarely entertains the dark thoughts of "what am i getting myself into"? I have to be honest though, they're quickly overcome by my love, compassion and respect for him, but i'm only human.
Posted 7/13/2008 1:26 PM (GMT 0)
oh, and I do have a wknd planned w/ girlfriends next weekend...i'm just hoping he's feeling a little better. we're a team, when one member is down, neither are 100%....
Posted 7/13/2008 8:47 PM (GMT 0)
You sound like you're really trying to make this work and that's so good. I think your fiance is lucky to have you! You are a team and it's good that you think of it that way. Don't feel bad about the "pity party"...I think we all throw ourselves one from time to time. Have fun with your friends next weekend and keep posting here if you need support or just people to talk to...we're here for you!
Posted 7/13/2008 9:00 PM (GMT 0)
We're both committed...if it were one-sided (me telling him he has to deal w/ his own problems or him not committing to treatment) it wouldn't work...

i have to say it has been one of the hardest roads to travel and seeing him like this guts me. I just have to keep remembering that the man I fell in love with is just beneath the surface and we'll get through this...but hell if it's not the most painful thing.

Thanks for your thoughts.
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