Living with a bipolar husband for 8 years

Hello, I have been married to my husband for 7 years but we were together a year before. He was diagnosed with bipolar about 3 years ago. He took zyprexa for about 6 months and abruptly stopped because he gained a lot of weight. It has been a living hell even before the meds started. He started verbally abusing me exactly one month after we married. I used to think I was the one with the problem by the way he talked and treated me. I won't go into all the details I'm sure a lot of you dealing with someone already know what I'm talking about. But the reason for signing up on this website is to try and maintain my sanity which I think I am slowly losing. My husband and I don't live together because he walked out on me in jan but we managed to stay somewhat friends. I would stay at his place at times and things seemed to be ok, but after time the episodes just got worse. He would be sitting on the couch and just jump up cussing and talking to himself, it was scary. I always felt like I was walking on egg shells around him. He would start arguments just because. He went out of town for 2 wks and went off on me because I was 5 mins late picking him up. Today he told me he was tired and it's obvious I have someone else so he wants to find somebody else to make miserable. Although I am somewhat relieved, deep down my heart is broke and I don't know why. This man broke me down to my very core and I feel as though I have died. Am I that crazy to still want to be with this man?????????