Manic for months

Hi all! I am fairly new here -- I read a lot but have only posted a comment here or there. My husband has BPD. I have a few questions for those of you who know this disorder better than I do -- I am especially looking for perspective from those who have BPD.

After years of denial and not being medicated, my husband finally started seeing an old family friend who is a General Practitioner. I credit this doctor for saving his life because he was so depressed he was suicidal. It was very scary!

Anyway, the GP put him on Effexor to get him out of his depression and functioning wholly again. That did the trick, but he kept increasing the dosage which, in turn, created an extremely manic man. Some very bizarre, odd, scary and cruel behaviors started to surface. For 2 months I sent e-mails and called the doctor to let him know what my husband was like at home. The doctor had no idea b/c my husband would go to his appointments and claim he was fine.

Come to find out, this doctor purposely kept him manic for 2 months to be sure that the medication was hitting the proper receptors. He never told me or my husband that was the plan. It all came on like an out-of-control freight train with no warning..........It has pretty much ruined our marriage.

Question #1: Does that sound right? After understanding BP a bit better and reading the symptoms of a manic episode, it scares the daylights out of me what could have happened while he was in this state. What went down was bad enough, but he did not do some of the severely destructive things that can be symptomatic of a manic episode.

Finally, his doctor put him on Depakote as a mood stabilizer....but now his episodes are mixed.

With the help of his family, we have convinced him to see a psychiatrist. He starts on Tuesday.

Question #2: Without the benefit of me telling the psych. what my husband has been acting like, will he be able to see through him and realize that he needs his medication adjusted?

We have separated until I get some therapy (starts Tuesday) and he stabilizes. I cannot put my kids in that environment any longer.

Question #3: Would it be a better idea to get him back to the house so that I can participate in his treatment?

Question #4: How long could this episode continue without any change in medication? I was hoping that time apart may be the best thing......perhaps the manic state would pass and we could rebuild under the care of a psych. Will it subside without a change in meds? Or is the dosage of Effexor (even with the Depakote) going to keep him pretty much manic?


Thanks in advance for any answers, advice, support you can provide! God Bless You All!

Hi falling apart,

With the knowledge that everyone is different and I'm no doctor or counselor, let me try and address your questions:

1. Anti-depressants can bring about mania in bipolars, so yes, that definitely sounds right. Putting him on the mood stabilizer should have helped, but either he isn't on one that's effective for him, or he needs the dosages of his meds adjusted.

2. It's impossible to know what the doc will see. Most docs know that bipolars will lie about their condition, but that doesn't mean that the doc will act on it. Technically the doc can only discuss your husband's condition with you if he allows it, so ask your husband if you can go along. That's something a lot of people have arranged.

3. I totally cannot answer this one. You probably want to wait and see what happens. Are you more invested in getting him healthy/staying in the marriage, or keeping the kids out of the toxic environment? Because I have to be blunt, bipolar does not go away and you shouldn't think it does. It gets better, but there will always be episodes. Will he be as bad? I have no idea. But there will be a period of adjustment while he works on getting his meds right, and you have to decide if you want to be around for that. And you have to know you will probably have to do this again in the future.

4. Mania tends to get worse, not to go away. Untreated mania can land you in the hospital. He needs the mood stabilizer to break the cycle.

I'm sorry if my answers aren't the ones you want to hear, I just believe you'd rather know the truth. I wish you the best of luck. Please continue to ask questions and let us know if there's anything we can do for you.

serafena

   Just remember, he has to "want" it also. I had to hit rock bottom to realize i had issues. LOL and i really "want" to be better. However i ask if i am doing better, and take critisim lightly when i fall short. However my wife is learning that i wont "get over this" and that all i can do is my best and hope for the best.

   It will take two to face this, and if he isnt on board, than there is little or no hope for your marriage. The ball is in his court, he has to want it, and in the absence of that than you have to protect yourself and kids first. 

 Hope this helps. Good luck.  Bill  

Darn crystal ball!!!! I wish I could have been better prepared for this..........

Call it woman's intuition, but i took a drive to our river camp this morning after I dropped the kids off at school. My husband has been staying there since we separated. I found him there.....with his assistant. She had spent the night.

I am sick to my stomach thinking about it all.

He blames me for abandoning him (I told him that until we got the tools to live together without damaging our kids, he should stay at the river house. I have an appointment tomorrow, his he postponed until Thursday). He has every excuse in the book to justify his behavior.

I hate to say it, but i give up. I cannot continue with this any longer. I cannot save him from himself........ It is way too painful.

My last question is this: If by some miracle his new pdoc sees through his "I'm fine" routine and changes his meds and gets him stabilized, will he have any remorse for his behavior? Will he want to repair our relationship? Will he want to come back to me (wife of 13 years) and his 3 children (ages 8, 10, 11)? Or will he always resent me and blame me for everything?

I know everyone is different, but is that common in BPD? Once a person is on the right medication and stabilized, are they able to look back and want to make amends? I just don't know what to expect anymore.......everything is spiraling out of control. I never in a million years I thought I would be in this situation........I am so heartbroken and sick

Hey Falling,

I am so sorry for this new turn your relationship has taken. I really don't know what to say. With my wife and I we have always held fast & agreed that there are 2 dealbreakers in our relationship. Cheating & substance abuse. With him being in the state he is in, & what you are saying, he is using the fact that you guys are seperated to justify his behavior. I haven't been in this particular situation, but close. Last year my wife had it in her head that I was cheating on her. She had it so much in her head that she had an online "affair" with an old friend. Nothing really major, just some pretty raw talking back and forth, & sending him some pictures (from the neck down) of her in tight T-shirts. That is all that really materialized from it, but if he wasn't 60 miles away, who knows what would have happened. She didn't really cross the line, but she sure was on it. She knows she was wrong & has very little contact with him now, as he knows she got caught & she knows I don't approve of their frindship. I'm not going to tell her who her friends can be, but at the same time, she has realized how she would have felt if things were reversed. Anyway, my point was, for the longest time she justified this by saying that she thought I was cheating on her(I wasn't). You know what your situation is better than anyone else, but If he gets by with this, then it will happen again. I wish nothing but the best for you and your kids in dealing with all this & you have some really tough choices ahead of you. Just remember that we are always here.

Rocket

Falling Apart,

I'm so sorry to hear of this. I'm so glad you're seeing a counselor. Don't let him fool you into believing this was your fault because it was not. His behavior is his and his alone. Let him have the responsibility for it -- bp or not. Don't make excuses for him.

Wishing you well,
serafena