Altho I have not been DX yet with this diease, can I please post here?

Hi my name is Ann,

I am 36 yrs old and a mother to 4 boys ages 18,14,12,4 and a new mom to a 7 week old puppy(Girl)   I had my first depression when I was 15 yrs old. I thought I was losing my mind. I did not take anything to help me, I thought I could do it on my own to get better. anyways, I'm pretty sure I have bipolar this is ther reason.

I have really bad mood swings, happy, then sad, angry, irratated(sp) and pretty much hate the world. I can be fine 1 day and not the other day, or I could be normal part of the day and then BAM either feeling angry or just sad. I had a very rough childhood, everything from beatings from my mother to sexual abuse from my brother and my cousin. I just need to know what to do, I really don't have alot of money to seek help. I am trying to be a good mom for my kids but sometimes that can be very hard. friends and family see a difference in me, I am to ashamed to let them kno what's wrong with me. I'm glsd I found this place and hope that I really can get some encouragement and support here.

Ann 

Hi Ann, I was dx as bp I when I was 36 - my first trip to the hospital.  I know how expensive depression and bp can be, however try to find a local clinic on maybe some group therapy sessions.  It's too hard to deal with either alone.  I am not sure if or what type of insurance you have but most do have a separate mental health part of the insurance, you will have to call to find out and possibly get authorization to use a dr. or a therapist that they will pay for.  I would not be able to get by without my therapists.  It might take some digging around but the help is out there.  You might even think about contacting the mental health agency in your state for recommendations. 

I know all about trying to keep things from the kids, but at the ages of your kids they will just know something is wrong and it's best if they hear it from you.  I was supprised and hopefully you will too at just how supportive your kids can be, which help you in the long run if you do decide to tell them.  Good luck in what ever route you take and welcome to the boards.

Phyllis