New codependent member

Hello all.

 

My name is Helen Pearson and I live in Louisville, KY.

 

For the past 3 weeks I have been attending an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP), and spent a short time inpatient last weekend. My mental health had been deteriorating over the last 6 months or so, largely triggered by the break up of a relationship which I am now able to recognize as unhealthy. It left me feeling anger and manipulated, and worthless. With hindsight I can see that these thoughts and feelings did not happen overnight. I have spent much of the last 18 months engaging in unhealthy (bordering on addictive) behaviors around eating, spending and sex which is a huge red flag to me that my thinking and mood is becoming disordered.

 

Three weeks ago I finally admitted I needed help. The IOP has been so helpful and Mary Breams, who runs it, is a powerhouse. I have learned a great deal about my core issues of grief and abandonment experienced from my early childhood, and how that feeds into my disordered belief that I have no self-worth. I have also learned that I do not need to keep victimizing myself and live with those shame based "tapes" playing in my head. I have recognized grief and loss long since buried, and am beginning to let the grief process unfold. I also recognize that I have a co-dependency addiction, which brings me to the 12 steps.

 

I have been blessed in recent months with a friendship with a man who is a recovering alcoholic. His commitment to the life long 12 step program, and the obvious joy and contentment he experienced as he applied those principles day to day, is very attractive. I am beginning on the same path and am filled with hope that, if I work at it one day at a time, I will find inner peace and self-love to sustain me even during difficult times. I am already feeling the benefits, and am working hard on surrendering my life and will to God and putting together an honest inventory of my life.

 

I am having trouble finding a sponsor, but am trying not to be discouraged by that. I have two people in mind to make the 5th step with, and lots of work to do on my inventory in the meantime.

 

I am glad to have found this website and the opportunity to connect with others who understand where I am coming from.

 

All good wishes,

 

Helen

Hi Helen,

Welcome to HealingWell and to the bipolar board. I hope you find it as supportive and friendly as your IOP. We're a pretty friendly group.

Let me caution you on two points, though. 1. Don't post so much personally identifiable information on the internet. It's not safe. There's nothing here that could get you into trouble, but just hold back a little more in the future. Most of us don't put our real names onto the board. 2. Please don't cross post. That means post the exact same post on two boards at the same time.

It's wonderful that you've found an IOP that really helps you. Are you on any meds which are working for you?

serafena