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Posted 4/27/2009 11:03 PM (GMT 0)
Well, my story is long so I will try to keep it short. I was raised in an verbally abusive family were my "step dad " was the abuser. His favorite nickname for us was ******. When he eventually died I was 14; that left my mentally retarded mom to care for us totally living off food stamps and the government. Because she was retarded she couldn't work and now gets disability. She up and left when I was 17 but only after her new boyfriend and his son had had there way with me. They went to florida and we didn't hear from her for several years. Luckily I had an aunt who was willing to deal with a moody abused teen. I met my husband when I was 16. We are still married today (10years now). I found out 2 years ago that I have bipolar disorder type 2. After years of ruined relationships and hypomanic episodes I am finally doing some better. Today was not one of my better days. I look for something or someone to be unhappy about. Not that the things are not valid, but I always seem to overreact about them and can't get them off my mind. This makes me depressed and very sad. I just want to be alone. My problem today is with my husband. He has gained 50 pounds since we got married. He won't exercise. Overeats. I feel like it is not fair to me for him to be so fat. I have mantained my weight even after 3 children. I have tried to encourage him like my therapist says but nothing works. I know I need to just accept the fact that he is always going to be fat and I might as well let it go. I am not at that place yet. In the past I have used cutting to sooth me. He doesn't know this or hasn't said anything about it. I know he has noticed the cuts on my arm. Has any one else been there? I go to a support group for people with bipolar, that helps some. But I have social anxiety disorder so it is very difficult to engage. My doc has me on 2 anti anxiety meds just so I can be calm enough to do things like attend these bipolar meetings. Well, I just wanted to share my story. Thanks for reading...

[I edited your post to keep it in line with Forum Rule #1. No discussion of any illegal activity or threats of violence. (ie. illicit drug use, including medical marijuana use, threats of suicide or self-injury, or threatened or intended physical harm). Discussions of suicide or self-harm that are deemed negative and therefore potentially injurious to others are also not permitted.--serafena]

Post Edited By Moderator (serafena) : 4/28/2009 6:22:56 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 4/29/2009 12:28 AM (GMT 0)
Learning2Deal,

Thank you for sharing your story with us. I am sorry I had to cut so much about your cutting. But we can't have anything here which may be triggering for others. I was a cutter too and I can TOTALLY relate to what you wrote. I don't know why your husband hasn't noticed. Maybe he has and he's afraid to ask you. How is the communication between you two? Can it be improved?

I'm glad you're in therapy. With a history like yours, that's crucial. I suffer from major anxiety issues too (not social anxiety -- more generalized) so I can relate. I hope you're sleeping okay. With 3 kids, that's probably a matter of luck. :-)

serafena
Posted 4/29/2009 1:22 AM (GMT 0)
Welcome to the board. You have such a history, that besides the group you go to ... a one on one therapist would be a good idea. I could not tell if you go to one. I think groups are a good thing, it helps you realize that you are not alone. But sometimes your own troubles are getting lost in the shuffle. A good therapist will help you see that you need to concentrate on your own wellness. You know, as one with bipolar, that no one can make you see the "wrongs". You have to be willing to see them...this goes for your husband and the weight. You can nag him all you want...but until he wants to see that he is becoming unhealthy, you won't get very far with your prodding.
Concentrate on yourself. I too have 3 kids and I know it is easy to put yourself on the back burner...but you are worth it.
Posted 4/29/2009 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
Well, today is a better day. My husband did his work out last night. I didnt say a word to him to get him to work out either. Thank God. I am sleeping better and the nightmares are at bay. I go to my bipolar support group meeting tomorrow. I am looking forward to going. It is interesting to hear other people's stories and to know I am not alone. I felt alone for so long especially since my mom left. But I have met someone else who has become better than a mother to me. We are bestfriends even though she is 60 and I am 31. We talk everyday on the phone and walk together. She has been my encourager and I have had the privilage of being there for her in her time of need to. So it doesn't seem onesided. All I did or even could do is listen. (I don't take my own advice so why give it to someone else.) Thank you all for listening to me. This is such a helpful forum. Does any one there see bipolar disorder as part of there identity?
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