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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 5/5/2009 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
I have been on HW for a long time, usually on Fibro, A/P, and Depression... but I have a step sister who has BP and is convinced I have it as well.

I am newer to BP. But I think Im quite educated on it...but what I am wondering is if I really do have it. I would bet almost anything that I do and like I said, my sister is convinced I do as well because she and I go through alot of the same feelings.

For those who dont know me, here's a short background. Im 17. I have been dx'ed with Fibro, anxiety/panic, and depression. I do go to a therapist. My parents arent very involved in any of my medical stuff. My mom doesnt even know why I see a therapist and my dad knows a little because of an email he saw that I had written. We dont get along. I stay to myself. I have a past history of depression, anxiety attacks, panic attacks, self harm, over-doses just for the sake of making pain go away(not to cause harm to myself even though thats what it slowly does)... Im trying not to go into alot of detail cause we'd be here all week reading this!

If you have any questions about other stuff, just ask.

But what I really want to know is what I should do about it. Im thinking of talking to my therapist about it Friday when I go... But, what could she do for me? How do I tell other people if I am? I stay to myself alot and hide my feelings so Im not sure anyone would understand that the thoughts and the way I feel day to day is classical bi-polar. How would I talk about it to friends, family, etc? And could I ever be 'normal' and happy with life again?

I suppose these are average questions but I figure you all are the pros. Im just looking for some support from those who understand what I go through and everything, unlike most people.

I appreciate it in advance! Thanks :-)

Posted 5/6/2009 3:01 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Tennisd0C09,

Welcome to the Bipolar board. It's good to have you along.

Well if you have any question about it, and you have access to a doctor at some point, I'd definitely ask a doctor. A lot of us are diagnosed depressed first and then re-diagnosed bipolar later when our symptoms are evaluated by an experienced psychiatrist, or someone more competent. Anxiety is very, very common for bipolars, as is self-harm, so those symptoms would fit right in too. But only a doc could actually diagnose you, of course.

Talking to your therapist is a great idea. Talking to others is a little trickier. Bipolar is different than depression in that it has a stigma that depression doesn't have. If you tell someone you're depressed, they think "Aw, too bad." If you tell someone you have "Bipolar Disorder", chances are good they're going to think "crazy," or "Britney Spears". It's not fair, but it's true. So most of us are a little choosy about who we tell. I'm pretty open with my friends, and my bosses know - but they're also friends. I try to be straight-forward when I'm telling people and give them a chance to ask questions. Most of the people close to me have been cool about it. But there are definitely people in my life who have not been able to handle it. My mother is still freaked out about it. She won't read about it or learn much about it, and she talks about it as if it's the worst diagnosis ever.

Can you be normal? Yes. With medication, a good support network (a doctor, therapist, good friends) and you taking responsibility for your health, you can feel almost normal again. It can take a long time (months sometimes) to find a medicine that works right, but once you do, it's like coming out of the rain. And as long as you're committed to getting better, you can do it.

I hope this is helpful. Ask all the questions you want. There's some great links under the "Bipolar Resources" sticky thread if you want to explore.

serafena
Posted 5/6/2009 7:15 PM (GMT 0)
Thank you! It was helpful. Cause a lot of times I wonder if I will ever feel better, or "normal". Most of the time I will feel okay...and then I can click into "well, it would be easy to take some pills and feel a little better". ( i have an OD problem) I used to resort to cutting or burning myself, but its like I have taken it a step further and I just get a bunch of OTC meds out of the medicine cabinet and take those instead. I dont ever take enough to kill me in one sitting, but they can make me drowsy and such. However, they are slowly killing me and I consider it to be the same thing. I worry about myself because anytime I feel down or have a problem my line of thinking jumps directly to harming myself. And its scary for me to think that I cant find another way to handle myself, ya know.

Last night for example, I promised my sister I would text her even if I had pills in my hand and I was thinking about it and really wanted to...but I talked to her and I didnt do it... But the point is that I have a certain drive to do so. I have an AP Test tomorrow and I dont want to do it, but I have too....my line of thinking jumps to well if I made myself sick or somehow "accidently" got injured I wouldnt have to go.. I think thats a horrible way to think. But, its how I feel.

I can "act" happy and laugh at times when I want to, but always in the back of my head I know I am just putting on a show. Even if I really am having fun at the time, I refuse to believe it was true. Its so weird because I know how I "should" be thinking, I just......dont. Or....cant.

Im just having a hard time with it because I feel like I am. But, I dont think anyone will believe me because most people dont know how I really feel and that I hide all of my emotions. I dont SEEM bi-polar to anyone. But, no one actuallys knows so... Im afraid they will think I was mis-diagnosed or something and wont take it seriously.

But, here's another thing. What do I do when I become careless of my health? Like, I want to feel better. I want to be "normal"... but at the same time I dont really care about my health. Thats not how I used to be at all...but I am that way now. I continue to harm myself in different ways, or think about and I just dont care very much. But I KNOW that that isnt the "correct" way to view anything...

It just bothers me that I know how I "should" think...but I just dont think that way. I just... I dont know. Its just complicated.

Anyways, thanks for the help! Take Care
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