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Posted 5/7/2009 5:02 PM (GMT 0)
HI my wife is bipolar and is seeking medical help to get her on the right medication.  There seems to be some extreme ups and downs with this process. I am trying my best to be patient with this process but at times it seems hard.  Right now she is going through a hight phase and can olny think about sex all the time and not just with me but with other women.  I don't belive she has ever crossed that line of cheating but has been chating on sex sites. Not sure what to make of it feel a little betrayed at times and don't want to loss her for my sake and our kids sake.  Just looking for any advice on how to get the thoughts of loosing her out of my head  that preoccupies me 24/7.  Buy the way  our sex life is good right now and she has be honest about the sex chats and I have even joined her for a few.
Posted 5/8/2009 12:55 AM (GMT 0)
Hi sad65,

Welcome to HealingWell and the bipolar board.

I'm glad to hear your wife is seeking medical attention, because that's exactly what she needs during a manic phase. The heightened sex drive of someone who's manic can be fun, but can also go too far. You're in the right to be a little nervous. Right now you're trying to go along for the ride, which is great, but it gives her the message that you're totally cool with what she's doing. If you're not totally cool with it, you need to be straight with her right away. Try an honest sit-down talk with her.

Hope this is helpful,
serafena
Posted 5/8/2009 1:17 PM (GMT 0)
Your right I am not total cool with it.  I have my moments when I fell my world is falling apart.  I have been going along for the ride to speak, been sexuall fustrated for 12 years before she sought help.  I will talk to her tonight about my concerns.  Just not sure if this is who she really is and we didn't no because she was depressed he entire life?  I can't lie and say it doesn't excite me to chat online with her but I need to set some guideline for my own piece of mind.  I really don't want her chatting alone and If she is going to do it I would rather be there instead of not knowing what is going on.  I guess what bothers me the most is that we been married for 12 years and it feels like I don't even know her anymore.

 

Posted 5/8/2009 5:51 PM (GMT 0)
Dear sad65,
First, I am sorry that you and your family are suffering from this disease.

I suggest that you make the bedroom more exciting so that she gets her rush from her time with you. That might, and I do say might, cause her to lose interest in the chatting. Talk to her about how it makes you feel for her to chat, and talk about ways to make your time together exciting. Involve her imagination and your imagination, and see what fun you can have. Suprise her, be bold and try things you never would have before. I am reticent about being explicit here on the forum, but I expect if you use your imagination, you can capture her interest. Give her reason to be thinking of the time she had with you, and the next time. Stir her imagination so that the chat becomes less appealing.

Again, these are suggestions taken from my own life. Hopefully, your wife will not balk at the meds when she stops having the mania highs. Because correct dosing will control both the highs and the lows. Sometimes I think I miss the highs. But I remember the bad side of them and am glad to be controlled.
Most of all, hang in there. Keep on loving her, because she needs that more than she can possibly express to you. My husband has shared how hard it is to be the normal one trying to deal with someone you love suffering like this. But he and a lot of others have survived, and have strong marriages.
Keep coming here and sharing and asking questions. This is a great group, full of information, and advise.
Posted 5/9/2009 11:57 AM (GMT 0)
Thank for the information.  We did talk last night about how the chatting is hurting me inside.  She acutualy came out and said that we may have gone to far.  We agreed no chatting for now will try my best to support her and give her strength and learn new skill of how best to help her when she is in one of the phases.   I think the most important thing I have learned is no matter how hard I try I will never make her happy and I can't go on felling guilty for that.  But it is hard when that person is love of your life.

Posted 5/9/2009 4:57 PM (GMT 0)
Good for you for finding the strength to have a hard talk with her. You are right, you can't go on feeling guilty all the time. Just do the best you can, be honest with her and true to yourself and you will do alright.

serafena
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