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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 6/30/2009 3:25 PM (GMT 0)
Having a VERY manic day, can't stop, thoughts are racing and I can't so anything to stop it...I hATE this so much....things calm down, then go buck wild all of a sudden....My husband is away to sea and there is no one to watch the kids, they are driving me INSANE today! I'm shaking and I want a drink so bad to calm this down. I haven't drank since June 13th...I can't mess up again...I'm so worried about this court date...I don't want to leave my kids and husband, I don't want to go to jail. It's all my fault for being the way I am, not being able to control myself, drinking, pushing those officers, fighting. I'm so tired of fighting, fighting myself, fighting other people...I just want this to stop...this just needs to stop...I just want this to stop...You guys ever get tired of fighting?

Lindz
Posted 6/30/2009 3:57 PM (GMT 0)
Lindz,
I have felt the way you do alot. I have not been in trouble with the law in 11 years but I have been there. Do you have anyone to watch your kids? Do you have any friends that you could go visit with your kids if not? Try to find something that you all can do if you can not get away from them but will help you forget your poblems for a little while and get them out of you hair to. You may also need to call your p dr or your t too see if they can give you ideas. Even if you do find something for you and your kids to do it may not take all the anxity away but it may slow it down. Oh yeah and if someone takes your kids dont drink while they are gone.

SLZ
Posted 6/30/2009 4:32 PM (GMT 0)
Lindz,
Do NOT take a drink. You'll only be creating a problem if you do. Take some DEEP breaths. Put in a really long DVD that the kids like to watch and do something productive. Bake cookies, make homeade lemonade, clean the bathroom, meditate. Call your doctor or a local support group.

It sounds like you want help and to get better. That's a step in the right direction. I know money is tight for you as well as time but have you seen a doctor yet?

Keep posting because we are here for you!

(((HUGS)))

BPWife
Posted 6/30/2009 6:27 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Lindz,

Hang in there. I like the suggestions the others have presented too. Call a friend to come over and help. Put in a video for the kids and chill! But do not take a drink. You can do this. When's your next dr appt ?

serafena
Posted 6/30/2009 7:05 PM (GMT 0)
My next appt is supposed to be tonight at 7 in Va Beach with my counselor, I had my p doc appt last night....which was useless, 'cause he just left my meds where they were, but I also have to check in with the pre-trial lady and go to an AA meeting tonight. All this I have to do without the kids and I found a girl who can babysit the kids and her mother helps her out, which is great!....I just have to make an hour trip to and from now to go to my doc because we moved and I haven't found a new doc over here yet, which takes a lot of gas and money just to do that, then the bbay sitting costs more.....Ahhhh! I went for a drive with the kids and I'm still all psycho feeling! My daughter went with some friends to the pol, now I just have my son. I just can't calm down, maybe I'll go clean something...never mind, baby is crying, again! =-O
Posted 7/1/2009 11:58 AM (GMT 0)

Hi Lindz,

So did meeting with your counselor last night help?  How are you feeling today?

Posted 7/1/2009 12:10 PM (GMT 0)
I'm doing a little better today, still pretty anxious though and having an extremely OCD day...Cleaning and re-cleaning, and it's only 8AM! I actually had an anxiety attack in her office and broke down a bit, which is very odd, because I've learned how to keep those things hidden very well, while around people in public. She thinks I'm under an enormous amount of stress, not getting enough sleep, or eating right, which is all right, but I'm not sure how to change any of that right now. That's just how my life goes....You either clinch your jaw and smile, or cry like a baby...which just isn't possible with a 7 year old and 2 month old attached to your hip 24/7. lol Thank you for asking though. How are you doing today Sukay?
Posted 7/1/2009 12:34 PM (GMT 0)

Lindz,

I agree with your counselor and you know it too... you ARE under an enormous amount of stress.  Don't hide your feelings.  You have to be honest with her if your want to receive full treatment. 

Did she have any suggestions on how to manage yourself right now?  Does she know that your pdoc did not recommend a med change?  What was your pdoc reasoning for not giving you a med change?  I'm just curious because to me it sounds like you could really use one in my opinion.

I'm doing okay. Getting little sleep (which I know is important to us) but I'm doing okay.  lol

Posted 7/1/2009 4:59 PM (GMT 0)
He said that he wasn't going to change my meds until I got some lab tests done, then set an appt in one month. I'm not sure if she's aware that he didn't change the meds, but after yesterday, she could make some kind of suggestion...if she can do that. That was the first time I REALLY opened up to her about things...and boy did I open up! She kind of had this look on her face like, what the @@@@?! I couldn't help it though....I tried stopping it a couple of times, but it did not work. She tried having me focus on 5 things in the room, then 4, then 3, and so on. She also gave me some print out on emotions and how to release them in a positive way. It's 1 pm now and now I'm spent...I didn't sleep last night at all and having having all that happen yesterday....I just want to sleep the day away, but now I have 4 little girls over here playing and my baby to take care of....It never ends...I'm sorry you're not getting much sleep. Can you just not sleep because of recing thoughts or what? I do notice that when I get more sleep I'm in a better mood, but still......Is sleep really that important to us?
Posted 7/2/2009 4:22 PM (GMT 0)
Lindz,
I think it's great that you broke down with your therapist. You obviously needed to get it out of you!

From everything I have read and heard, sleep is a huge factor - almost as big as stress. I can totally see the difference in my husband (who has been compliant with his meds for two months now - YEAH!) when he gets 8 hours of sleep versus 5-6 hours.

Take things one day at a time and you'll be OK. Keep up with the therapy and posting here. You are doing great!
Posted 7/5/2009 12:49 AM (GMT 0)
Lindz,

You said you have a 2 month old. Do you think it is possible that you are struggling some because of post partum issues like depression, which is often accompanied by anxiety

It might be worth asking your doctor about this. Maybe put a call in to the nurse or something

Stay Strong,

Learning2deal

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