Life is really getting me down- afraid of slipping too far

I have a lot of pain from Rheumatoid arthritis that goes up and down in cycles.  This makes my bipolar difficult to handle because some of the medications "don't play well together."

Today I have joint pain that just won't quit, but I am also really down emotionaly.  I am weepy, my head hurts, I want to go to sleep, everything seems like too much of a struggle.  Worse than my pain is an ache in my chest that has nothing to do with my physical pain.  It is an emotional ache that just doesn't go away.  All I want is to make it stop. 

I read the last paragraph and I think I will call my phyc and see if I can ajust my meds for the night.  I am home alone for the night (my kids are camping for the night with my parents and my husband will go to work soon overnight) and I really don't trust myself to not wallow in my self pity tonight. 

I may be back for the company later.

I'm back.  I just missed my psy doc when I called- so I can't ask her about ajusting the antidepressants till am.  By then I will already be over the night.  At 9 am I have an appt with a new rheumy doc in the town next to mine.  My old one didn't take my BP seriously enough (I think) and so I am going to a new one.

I want to sleep, but it just isn't coming.  I don't want to leave the TV in my livingroom because it is a distraction in a too quiet house.

I am feeing a bit better. My extended family all lwent camping and really wanted me to go- but I felt too down to make the effort. My husband actually got a bit snippy with me and said that he thinks I should just go, spend the evening at the campfire and return the next day. It really helped going out (even it it was under duress) and I felt I could keep myself presentable all day.
I got home later in the night than I planned last night, and at church this am I was weary, weepy and sore but I am glad that I went. It has made a diffrence.
I went to the new rheumy doc on friday am and I described how connected the BP and the arthritis is in my treatment. I explained how sometimes I have little to no tolerance for pain, and other times I might not notice it at all. I explained how I I have trouble controling the BP when the treatment for the RA keeps changing and isn't effective yet. My last rheumy did not respond to this information- this one acknoledged it and ajusted treatment to a more agressive approach. The more under control the arthritis is, the more under control the BP will be. (I hope)
One good peice of info is that I passed through one more hoop in getting social security disability for the BP/RA conditions. Not sure how many left there is to go, but still. I assume the longer they hold on to it to decide the better my chances of getting approved.
The rheumy doc put me on prednisone to control some joint pain that I have right now, which is a steriod, so it puts me in an artificial mini "high". I only seem to have problems with regular manic phases when I am on it. This time it is a really low dose and only for 4 weeks. I hope it wll kick me out of this "low" mood as a "side" effect. The only problem with that is that I had an artificial/prolonged "low" mood when I got off prednisone last time. I hoe it will be diffrent this time because last time I was on a much higher dose and on it for almost a year.
I'm rambling a bit today because I took vicodin today while I was at church for RA joint pain. I like having it availible when I need it- nut I don't like the was it makes me loopy for hours.
I hope you all are all right. I'm glad to connect with uu all again.