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Are BP people better off alone?

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Posted 12/15/2009 2:58 PM (GMT 0)
 

  Not trying to start things but this has been bouncing around my mind for a while. When i was away in the military for 5 months i was able to lead a very normal life, just a bit hyper and endlessly happy. LOL LOL  But when i came home and the weight of being a dad, husband, etc came back i  found it harder and harder to control my moods. It felt like the stress from family could and would directly influence the severity of my mania/depression cycles. 

   Now i undersstand that all relationships are different, and perhaps if i was with a different person than maybe this question wouldn't come up at all. It just seems that the stess brought on by family can just be to much for us to handle and make our condition worse.

   Just wanted to ask my fellow BP's if this rings true or am i full of manure. smilewinkgrin   LOL LOL LOL

  

    Thanks for listening.

    Bill

Posted 12/15/2009 5:34 PM (GMT 0)
Glad to lend an ear, Bill.

Here's a thought.

My biggest problem with bi-polar (before I finally found the right meds, yay!) was that I would lose perspective of the importance of issues. Little things got big, big things got bigger or became smaller. I just didn't know up from down, figuratively. It was like losing my best friend, only that friend is me.

What was important was for me to develop a support network to keep my bearings. It takes the right people to understand.

In your case in the Military, maybe they didn't understand, but they gave your life structure, and you had bearings. Everything is regimented. And order is an order. Your duty is your duty.

At home that does not exist, and when you lose perspective it may be difficult to make good judgements.

Maybe you should ask the Missus to attend some counseling so the both of you can work out ways to deal with your bi-polar condition and create a more comfotable home life for everyone?

Just a thought.

OBB
Posted 12/15/2009 5:44 PM (GMT 0)
     My husband and I are both BP.  I thought that this was an interesting question and read it to him before I started my post.  He says that "Everybody is diffrent and that some might do better alone and others need that relationship to hold on to.  He thinks it would be equally as hard alone as with someone."  Alone, his depression is a driving factor. 

     I think that I tend to the same response.  Becaue of his work and school sechedule my husband is away sometimes for days at a time.  Those tend to be the days that I fall apart.  He is a calming influence for me.  I think if I was left on my own I would become more and more excentric and spiral worse and worse.

     My husband and I were married before either of us were Dx.  I think it is an interesting thought that we gravitated toward someone who understood what was going on without realizing it.  The pressure of my children does sometimes push me over the edge- but when I am in the depths of depression they are what I hold on to the hardest.  Caring for one of my children has saved my life multiple times in the worst depressions.

     So I think our answer is NO we are not better off alone as long as the person you are with is the one you need.

Posted 12/15/2009 6:01 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Bill,

I agree that everyone's different. But I know I would be worse off without my family. Frankly, I think I would probably be dead. My husband and child give me something to live for, something beautiful that I wouldn't have on my own. True, life was a lot less complicated when it was just me, or even before I had my daughter, but on the other hand I was lonely, I made bad decisions about relationships, and my depression really got the better of me.

Are you seeing a counselor right now? There are ways to help work through the stress and minimize its impact. I think one thing's clear -- everyone here knows exactly what you're talking about!

serafena
Posted 12/15/2009 6:20 PM (GMT 0)
 

  Thanks everyone for replying and listening. I for one also believe that being in a relationship, while it makes life a lot harder, also is hugely rewarding. This has been an very hard year for me and maybe i am a bit tired both mentally, physically, and spirtually.  The desire to run to a "simpler" time also has some of the hallmarks of depression in my opinion. Thankfully i have some areas of pure joy in my life that i never lose or get tired of, my cats and dog. They are allways there for me, nice to have that in your life.

   Well let me fall back on the saying i try to live my life by. Lord give me the strenght to change what i cannot accept, accept what i cannot change, and the WISDOM to know the difference. 

   Ok, i am on half my usual dose of  respirdone, and i have some more energy and creativity. Not a lot yet but definetly a little bit more than i had before.  I'm on  a anti depressant which takes the edge off the depressions. So this is life, accept or change it, a little divine guidance right now sure would help out. turn

   

  Bill

Posted 12/15/2009 7:35 PM (GMT 0)
I am blissfully happy being alone.  Actually, on another board I set up a poll on this very subject.  Being bipolar (assuming your meds are stable) do you prefer being alone or with people?  A huge majority preferred being alone, which made me feel less like an unsociable snob.  lol
Posted 12/15/2009 9:18 PM (GMT 0)
Stormienite,

Welcome to HealingWell and the bipolar board. Thanks for joining us.

It would be great if you would take a minute, start a new thread, and tell us a bit about yourself. It's great to have new voices.

serafena
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