Very upset and angry

I am very upset. I'm not sure where to even start.

First, I'm not taking my meds, just focalin. I didn't hav the money to get all my refills.

Which leads me to my excessive spending. I constantly spend money. I live on eBay. I havnt been able to sleep. I stay up most of the night trying to sleep and go to bed if at all in the early morning. Then I either sleep very little or I over-sleep. Which leads to missing my appt wit my pdoc on Tuesday. Seen my therapist yesterday and the soonest the pdoc can see me is July 30th. My meds weren't helping when I took them, that's y I havnt been in a hurry to get them. I also can't see the nurse because the state requires I c the pdoc every 6 months...so I'm out of refills for all my meds until I can c him, there is nothing I can do.

I'm having anxiety and panic attacks frequently and sleep problems, excessive spending..basically my life sucks. I'm doing bad in school. I made a D in a class and now I hav to re-take it. My anxiety kept me from going and so I failed it.

Work is very difficult for me. I get moved around a lot and I'm not good with that. I like staying in one place with a schedule and list of things to do. I can function better that way.

My doc said I had either dysthymic disorder or borderline personality. At first I agreed dysthymic. I disagree now. BPD fits everything about me now.

I'm having problems with people. Like, I get angry real easy and jus want to be Aline and do my own thing, which isn't working with my gf. My parents are separated but my mom stays over do much, it doesn't make sense to me and makes me angry. I can't make eye contact, I find myself avoiding looking at people or whatever. I talk to myself. It's like a constant conversation going on in my head. I don't pay any attention, you hav to get my direct attention before I hear anything you say. My dad says he repeats things to me, but I never heard him or seen him or anything. I can't remember anything. I forget what I'm doing or get distracted.

I just to sit and cry constantly. I feel like I need to cry all the time. Now I'm stuck with just
y therapist all summer, no meds. Everything is onlybgetting worse and I feel everything will continue on that path. That makes me afraid that things will get bad and I could end up in the hospital. I have been lucky I have nit yet, and that's on medication.....what am I supposed to do now? I feel like they just left me out in the wilderness to fend for myself.

What am I supposed to do?? Help.

   Have you considered asking your doctor if they have some free samples that they can give you to help you out? It sucks, we should all get our meds for free since they help keep us sane and good members of society.

  Excersise has helped me greatly, and i mean really hard, work out till i am panting excersise. If you dont have money you can just find a small hill and sprint up it over and over again till you are wipped out.

  Also there are those here who have good advice on diet that has seemed to help them a whole lot. Hopefully they will comment.

    Aside from that rest, stay away from caffenee, and try to keep out of stress full situations that can set you off.

   Good luck and i hope you get the help that you need.

   Bill

 

Hi Christi,

How are you doing today? It has been a while since I last talked to you. I am sorry that you are going through such rough times.

I know what you mean, meds can be very expensive, especially new ones. Like others were saying you should see if you can get samples of medicines from your pdoc to help you alleviate some of the feelings you have been experiencing. There are also some drug companies out there that offer free meds to those who do not make enough. You should look into that and try get some assistance with your meds.

But don't forget talk therapy, that helps a lot too. When talking doesn't always help, I try to find an outlet to express all the feelings that I cannot put in word. My outlet is Art or sometimes I do free writing till I cannot write anymore.

Please let us know how you are doing when you get a chance.

(((hugs)))

Olivia

Hi there....I'm new the the BP world, at least being diagnosed for it. However I have been going to school for some time and I've found you can get a letter from your DR whichever one has diagnosed you and have them explain you have a condition that requires (whatever assistance you may need) mine says I may miss class on ocassion, or need to walk out unexpectedly, need extended time for tests and or assignments. You can even request someone to help take notes for you or to be able to use a voice recorder in class. Everyone is different. You then take that letter to the disability office at school and they will in turn give you letters for your teachers to sign agreeing to the terms.
This protects you in the event of an episode. I've had to take (I) incompletes and had to finish the next semester when I've gotten to stressed to function. You just have to communicate your needs. I've found most professors are understanding. I've only had 1 that was bad.
You may talk to your disability office at your school first and talk with a counselor to find out exactly what they need from you, they are there to help and make sure you have the assistance you need to succeed.
I hope this helps, at least with school. I've had to use it for several semesters and would have bombed them otherwise. Good luck....feel free to ask me if you have any questions.

I already have accomodations through my school. I have all of those listed. May I ask about the service dog? I receive services for school though.

I already do some of those things, they don't work. Or at least they never have before. I appreciate it though.

My school this summer is all online, so I don't hav to worry about campus until fall. I'm just worrying about work mostly.