Tortoise's Stupid Experiment Thread

Morning tortoise :)

I slept in today....   I think I made the right decision in taking this week off.

So firstly, it's not a stupid experiment. A couple of questions: Have you ever done this before? Are you on anything else other than Lamictal? And does pdoc know or are you decreasing your dose on your own?

I ask these questions with experience. I went off meds a few years ago and stayed off for almost a whole year. I (now here is where you can use the word "stupid") did not make any plans whatsoever to manage my illness with other tools, such as vitamins, exercise etc. My counsellor really went on and on about Vitamin B Complex, I don't know anything about any of the others....I am really interested in how this is going to play out for you. My Mom has suggested a more natural method of coping to me for a long time and I just shrug it off comparing it to my last experience without meds. I know the area where I would have a problem is the diet. No caffeine or sugars. Sugar I could probably do?? Anyway, I'm rambling.

I want to know what I can do for when the time comes that bf and finally decide to get pregnant. So I think that this plan of yours is great. I really encourage you to be strong through it, and to really document each day. My meds really seem to be working right now, so I'm wondering about doing something different.

I wish you the best through this. There is no rule that says all bps have to be on meds. In my opinion, it is one's choice and I have read that it can be done! I recall when I went off meds and came on here to tell everyone what I was doing, I got a lot of from ppl. But we have a different crew here now and I think ppl will be supportive. And we are all entitled to our opinion.

Keep us posted, count me in as cheering you on

Mogs.

PS-Major congrats on the weight loss!!!

Good luck...I wish you all the best.

 

  Good luck tortoise, going off you meds is a big step. Try to keep a journal of things that set you off. That way you can know what can trigger an attack and possibly take steps to avoid it. Plus dont be upset if it doesnt work out well the first time, sometimes it takes more than once to learn how to live your life.

   As allways you know that we are all here for you to talk to. 

   Lots of luck .  Bill

I was sick and miserable the first trimester - a good day would be getting out of bed and laying on the couch the rest of the day.  I was an emotional mess b/c DS is a child of marital rape - that was really hard for me for a long time - it's OK now.

In the middle of the 2nd trimester, I started having preterm labor and was put on bedrest.  A few weeks later, they started me on antidepressants as a preventative.  I was totally fine when I started and stayed fine throughout.

I COMPLETELY FELL APART after he was born.  Normal new-mommy stuff for a couple months, but then started cycling terribly bad.  Worst of my life.  Ultraradian, very severe depressions, big crashes.  Like on top of the world and then crashing to depression over 5 - 10 minutes.  Those are physically hard.  I was on depakote, tried xanax (disaster).

Referred to a pdoc, who told me there was no possible way I could be BP (even though my family doctor/son's pediatrician was treating me for a "bipolar-like" condition with mood stabilizers) and she sent me off on my way in about 5 minutes. 

2-1/2 YEARS later, I finally get the help I need.

I'm not worried at all about the actual pregnancy.  It will be physically miserable.    I'm worried about the time while trying to conceive and for a year + afterwards while breastfeeding.  SO is super worried about during the pregnancy.

I got an idea from a fitness site that I was browsing - a personal contract. I copied a blank one and changed it to fit my self-care responsibilities. I worked on it for about an hour and I have a concrete list of things I need to do this month, over the next 6 months. I don't have anything in the longterm part. I can't plan that far in advance - I have no idea what could happen!

If I meet my goal from now to July 1, I will treat myself to new glasses, prescription sunglasses, and contacts. And I won't feel guilty about it!!

I'm already on the new insurance.  I have to pick my HMO next week.  Then go to a GP to get a referral to a pdoc.    I'm getting copies of ALL of my records this week and next week - from EIGHT different Dr's/clinics (!) so that the new pdoc (only one in the area!) has a good record of what has been going on.

Today is the big day! 

I took just 75 mgs - 37.5% of my prescribed dose.  I am spending the day with a friend that knows me inside and out for a decade.  We've been roommates a few times - she has seen it ALL!  I told her what is going on ans asked her to let me know if my mood seems off, if I get irritable/impatient or too chipper.  We are going to walk for a couple of hours in a shopping mall, so I'll get in some exercise too!

I am hoping for a definitive result - either no change or catastrophic failure.  The grey area in the middle would be hard for me to deal with.

I also have to keep in mind that my friend has a way of making me hypomanic - even when I'm stable on meds.  So if I am just a little hypomanic, I need to try one more day and see if it is from the lower dose or if it was from being around my friend.

I'll be gone all day, but you know I will check in as soon as I get home!  :)

Today was just fine!  I had some strong anxiety about noon wondering what would happen and over analyzing everything I was thinking and doing.  I sat down with a glass of water and meditated.

I've had a fairly serene day.  Lots of meditation, introspection.  I'm OK!

I did not get my exercise in today, but I did manage to stick to my diet while eating at a restaurant.  :)

Wow!  a good day.  calm, fun, a few moments of minor irritation with my son, but nothing outside of normal-human-being-ness.

I was creative - did sidewalk chalk art - without being hypomanic or having serious issues.

Got chores done.  Went grocery shopping and restrained from buying all sorts of sweet treats.  Did get some beer for myself.  Never done that before.  (I've never been drunk -- I'm 25.     LOL )  But I tried some of SO's at a restaurant and I liked it (relatively... for an alcoholic beverage).  I don't think I could drink 1/2 of a bottle.  We'll see.  Lamictal + alchohol can increase drowsiness and dizziness.  I'm not too worried about that considering I am at 75 mgs now and I don't get either of those side effects normally.

I am feeling very encouraged for tomorrow.

I did some thinking today and one memory that popped up was my reaction to having prednisone.  I went nuts.  Literally completely effing crazy.  I just googled "prednisone mania" and sure, enough - got a lot of results.  It's really interesting to learn how much of my confusing past is simply this disorder.

Note to self - NEVER take prednisone.

I forgot to mention in yesterday's message that I did get the same withdrawal effects as before from lowering my dose.  It wasn't nearly so bad and I don't think anyone noticed.  I felt a little more of that or possibly just side effect today - the dizziness/lightheadedness again.  Just a couple minutes while I was shopping.

Time for bed.  Will check in tomorrow.  :)

Yeah...that is a very good note to yourself...no predisone. Predisone has always done a number on me and has almost always sent me into mania with less than desirable results.  I just got off 10 days of predisone for a super asthma attack, but luckily it was a short enough time that it just lifted my mood a bit.  Much more and I would have been off the wall.   I am glad you remebered this little fact!! 

I think you are doing a super job in analyzing your behavior and watching for warning signs.  I am hoping you make it to your goal, Tortoise  and keep hanging in there. I am following you closely. 

Today has ended up OK. I did go back to sleep. We all had a little late morning here. I spent longer than usual doing learning activities with my son. :) During his nap, I caught up on the last of the TV show I was watching last night.

My SO is out fishing with his dog, my son is helping me tidy up the living room while I am working on decluttering my mind with the help of google, pencil and paper. I think I would be even less irritable if I had less crap in my mind competing for attention with the really important people and things.

I'm encouraged that I survived a mood swing, as minor as it was. I also learned that unlike like depression which comes on suddenly, hypomania can creap up on me, even when I think I am most aware. I learned that I need to reflect on how I respond to hypomania. My toolbox basically says "enjoy it!" but doesn't actually have any coping tools in it. I have to change this. My depressions are always preceded by hypomania, the more extreme the hypomania, the more extreme the depression will be. Curbing hypomania should be a strong defense against depression.

So far, so good.  I'm noticing a little bit of irritability creeping up with my son.  I'm not raising my voice or doing anything "bad," I'm just runnong out of patience nagging him to get him to do things.  So I'm using more consequences ("Go in your room until you are ready to...") and sticking with it.

I'm a little bit more jumpy.  He has been mauling me with hugs lately and it is REALLY getting on my nerves.  So the time-outs are working well to give me a little space.

He usually does pretty well and asks if I want a hug.  (so sweet!)  But yesterday and today, he is just hanging off of me - usually my right arm when I am trying to write or type. 

The irritability is gone right away after he gets out of my space or asks if I want a hug, so it's not like the mood swing irritability that builds and builds and gets just awful.

Today I am noting things that bother me and I'm FIXING them!  Like the doors that squeak.  DS was playing with a door and it was driving me nuts this morning because the door was squeaking.  I don't care that he was playing with the door!  So as soon as I fix the door squeak, that won't be an issue.

Sitting down with DS and telling him exactly what I expect him to do and not do should clear up the hanging off of me stuff.  I need to do it when he hasn't just irritated me so that he doesn't think I am just reacting to him.

I had a puppy here that I never bothered to find a home for.  She was pretty high-maintenance and not earning her keep.  I found a great home for her.  That is one less thing - trying to remember when the last time she peed was.  It's quiet, I don't have to hover to make sure my son doesn't play too roughly with her.  None of us miss her, so I think it was a good decision.

I can feel my heart rate creeping up and starting to feel tense/queasy, so I'm going to go meditate, drink some water, cross something off my to-do list and go play with the little man.  :)

I'm starting to feel like I CAN do this!