Please Help I am at the end of my rope.

First of all I am so happy to have found this forum. Reading the posts was a revelation for me. It was as though someone had read my mind. Having said that I don't know what to do with my wife. We have been married for 14 years and we have 3 beautiful children together. I was previously married my first wife is deceased my son with my first wife was 2 when we married. My wife told me early in our relationship that she had been sexually abused by her brothers I had fallen in love with her and wanted to help her. From the beginning of our marriage she had an obsession with having babies and being pregnant. I wanted children but she wanted to have more than 5. From the beginning she had terrible mood swings. She would be giddy and happy and loud talking and then would fly into a rage. At the time I did not know what that meant now I do. We had 3 children over the next several years. about 8 years ago she started having internet affairs which progressed into real affairs. In 2006 she told me she wanted to kill herself. I got her help in the form of inpatient treatment and then found out about more affairs. She has spent every penny we have and has ruined my credit. I work two jobs so we can get by and she refuses to work. She does not take care of the house or the kids. I have to do it when I get home from work. I now have separate banking from her which she greatly resents but I had no choice. She is horrible to me. I have been exiled from our room and am treated like a low rent servant. She yells at the kids constantly and she treated my son with my first wife so badly she had 2 child abuse investigations on her several years ago. I have had the police remove her from the home twice for attacking me. Everything is my fault according to her and she seems to hate me now. I still love her and would like to help her but she seems beyond redemption. Part of me still wants to help her the other part wants to get a lawyer and take myself and the kids out of the destructive path of her life. I could go on and on but I think you get the picture. How do I penetrate the barriers she puts up and help her? Or should I just give up and cut her out of my life. I appreciate any advice you can give I am truly at the end of my rope.

Is she on meds??  Much of her activity seems very manic, including the rages.  Unfortunately, I don't have a magic answer for you.  Unless, she decides to help herself, there is not much you can do to help her.  You are right to do anything you can to protect yourself financially, etc.  Having a mood disorder, does not give one the right to emotionally,verbally abuse the family.  Can you put her inpatient again to hopefully stabilize her on meds?  I suggest you find a good counselor to talk to and come up with a future plan.  My husband should be writing this....he would definitely know where you are coming from  Hang in there and try to ease up on "fixing" her and concentrate on you and the kids.  Believe me, I know...this kind of stuff takes a huge toll on the kids.

Dear frustrated husband,

I am so sorry for what you are going through. This disorder affects more than just the one who is ill. I worry for your children. It does sound like she is struggling with mostly mania...and as my other HW family members have already stated: she really does have to be the one to help herself. It is your decision on what you want and need to do for yourself and your children. Professionals need to be involved.

My heart bleeds for you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Mogs.

Hey Frustrated Husband

I am usually on the depression forum, but I was just surfing through a couple of other sites and came across your story. I am so sorry for you and those beautiful children. You are such a great dad. My advice is get out now with the kids. You said you have already had the police to the house on different occasions, so surely this would help you gaining custody of the kids in your state. Can your lawyer help?

Your wife is a danger to both you and your children and if she is venting all her hatred towards you, I would be fearful for my life and my kids' lives. Can you speak to someone who can perhaps advise you on where you could go to get custody of the kids and move out. I am not in the US so I cannot really advise you there but there must surely be an agency that would help you, what about Child Protection Services?

You did the right thing with the bank account, no one would blame you for that and if she doesn't like it, remember she is a really sick woman. Please look after your kids as she might hurt them to hurt you.

I will certainly be thinking of you and I will include you in my prayers tonight.

God Bless You.