Anxiety and depression overload.

Ugh.

I go back to work tomorrow after being off a week plus today. I am feeling it. And I'm not back on my full dose of Lamtical. And my Mom starts her chemo in two days and she's upset with me and my sister.

Yup, not the way to return to work. And not a great end to my week off. Actually, things turned for the worse on Saturday. I've been deeply depressed since then. So it's been a long 3 days in the house. I guess that is one plus of going to work tomorrow; to get out of the house. I just hope the amount of work doesn't overwhelm me, although I know all I can do is get through one thing at a time.

I am broke and almost out of my clonazepam. I get paid on Thursday and have one left til then. I just took one now as well.

Bf and I have been tense the last few days. Last night and tonight especially. We had such a great two day trip together last week and now we are exactly where we usually are. Tense.

Sigh. Sorry to be so down, although I know this is the place I can do this in.

Hope you are all well today.
Mogs

  You got a lot on your plate right now, sick mom, money worries, its bound to cause you some issues. We are allways here to listen to you vent.

   Hopefully work will go well for you.

   Bill

Thank you all so much.

Yesterday was okay at work. Today however, my depression is 11 out of 10. On the brink of being in crisis.

One positive note, and it's wonderful--My sister delievered a healthy baby boy last night despite being a month early. She had been having contractions for awhile now brought on by all the stress of Mom's cancer...We were so worried last night, but it all worked out; he is healthy and she is doing fine! I am very glad about this.

But as you all know, depression can take over, and no matter how hard I am fighting, I am losing the battle right now. I went for a walk last night; talked with a girlfriend on the phone...totally vented...yet here I am today. I am worried about work. I have zero motivation right now. Honestly, I have so much to do and I don't know how to get through any of it. I just want to go home and sleep...but I have too many sick days in my opinion so I don't feel comfortable leaving.

Ugh. Of course, the Seroquel does not seem to be helping. And I can't increase the dose because it will make me too zombie-ish. about Seroquel, has anyone gained weight on it?

Anyway, its genetic, thank you for the laugh. I will try your suggestion.

Keep the hugs and posts coming guys; I will admit I really need them right now.

Hugs,

Mogs

Me loves you too. That was a lift, thank you.