Got my DX .. finally

Mood disorder NOS and PTSD....  going for meds on 9/22

im in another rough spot with BF today.... I really dont think this one is my fault... but I would love to hear opinions...

Last night I had a horrible day at work... I am a waitress and we got slammed with 47 tables in 25 minutes ... so much that we had to close the place down for an hour... it was hell ... literally ....   BF and I were talking over text during this and he was aware of the stress I was under...   So I get off at 10 usually .. but last night there was so much work I didnt get out until 10:30... home about 11 pm .....   While I was still at work ( on my knees sweeping under booths) I was thinking I have to get out of here , BF is going to be so mad at me for being late and ill get yelled at when I get home ... so I kept my paper slip from when I clocked out to show him the time I left .....

SO I get home and he looks VERY angry .. of course.... I said how are you?  he said not well ... WHERE have you been???  I said At work... of course...  "you are supposed to leave at 10 , its 11 , WHY are you late??   blah blah blah ...  I explained and he starts telling me that his iphone is broken , the screen is white, hes very mad about that   " just one day I would love to come home and not have something broken!"  I said ok " take the battery out "  he sd I dont know how can you help me  etc etc ... well I couldnt do it and that didnt go over well either....  

SO I sat down and started scarfing down my sandwich bc I was starving.... he laid on the couch in silence... then he began to tell me about how the kids wouldnt go to sleep ... all the troubles he had with the kids .... etc etc....   I didnt say much at all ....

so 15 or so min go by....  then he says " you know you better start taking taxes out of your tips "   I said yeah  Iknow i will ... but im to tired to think about it right now .... then we got into an argument about the correct percentage for taxes , and he jumps up off the couch and yells " you are flat wrong! I took federal tax in law school"  I said OK   and I raised my voice and said I have had ENOUGH tonight , no need to argue about this NOW ....

so he got up and went to bed..... 

This morning He is stomping around the house ,not speaking to me ... so I said finally " good morning" he responded and sd morning... with a harsh tone.... I sd whats wrong?   He sd " I dont like the way you talked to me last night!  Got up and left for work without another word.

Im so mad right now I dont know what to do

hi tortise.... I believe its the latter..... I suppose its that he watches my kids at night while I work, and they were still up when I got home bc he couldnt get them to stay in bed.... and that on top of the phone thing.... I jsut dont know... But I just wrote him the following email :

I have been very reluctant to discuss what I am about to write.... with good reason , but it has to be done ... I want you to know that I am not attacking you , in any way . There are things that need to be said and although I feel that you will deny and most likely get even more pissed at me ... I have a feeling that a part of you will understand and realize that there is more of an issue than you are willing to admit.

I know I have issues... I start by saying that because you seem to throw that up to me everytime I try to point something out that you do , like one cancels out the other.. and that's not true. I have my own issues and I am doing all I can to correct them . I believe I have done a good job so far. I am trying very hard.

I hate to just throw this out there without sugarcoating it some , but I guess there is no way to really do that. you have issues... I believe that you are somewhat aware of them... however I do not think that you are fully aware of how they affect you , your behavior, reactions, moods, and how it affects us in general. I have known for a long time that you are at times on edge, and many times over the years you have snapped , for reasons that seem , for lack of better words " silly" to me .... I sd well... we just have different personalities .. I am very laid back , and dont let small things bother me , and the small things seem to bother you more than major issues do .... I feel like you are two different people at times.... your behavior at times is very strange to me ... your reactions to stress are a lot of times inappropriate ... the way you talk to me and treat me are also a lot of the times very wrong... and sometimes just plain cruel . last night for instance.... I was on my knees sweeping under tables and I realized it was 10:15... my first thought was OMG I have to leave hes gonna yell at me for being late... so I sent a text , and tried to call ... no answer.. So I kept my time slip from when I clocked out to show you what time I left ( I should NOT NOT NOT be made to feel this way) And jsut as I expected , when I walk in the door , I get a bad attitude and WHERE have you been????? that was no surprise .... IT is things like this that baffle me .... that you can do and say things to ME.... and I say nothing ... yet " I dont like the way YOU talked to ME" I was very upset at the way you treated me last night... but I knew you were upset about your phone ... and for other reasons ... so I chose not to say anything , and i just took it ... as usual .

And again .... I just got home from the Dr. , and my next appt is sept 22nd... and the whole time I was sitting there as ter I found out the appt in sept... All I could think of was what your reaction is going to be to that.. bc I couldn't get one sooner.... Again , this should NOT be my first thought. This is not something new.... it has been for years.. you taking things out on me , and basically just acting like a jerk when you have a stressful situation , even if its not my fault. I know you are under a lot of stress at the moment... I also know that you have an inability to deal with certain situations in a constructive manner. But you should know that I am not your emotional punching bag. the bottom line is there is a problem... I believe you are aware of it . I need you to see someone .. whether it be a therapist ... or a pdoc for anxiety/stress/nerves... I need you to see someone . and I need you to do it quick.

LOL. I'm having one of those days when tact escapes me because I can't focus. Given that I can't focus, I missed that what you wrote was an email to him. And I thought you were b*tching me out! I am fairly tactless today and I apologize!

Being BP isn't an excuse for bad behavior! And neither is aspergers! It's great for you to accept that your relationship with him will be different because he has aspergers. (Kudos!) But at the same time, he needs to respect you and take control of his issues in the same way that he expects you to take care of yours.

My ex-husband claims to have asperger's but I don't believe it. He fits the diagnostic criteria of bipolar, IMO, and he's been known to lie about getting professional help and invent various diagnosis. But then again, asperger's has mood swings too! And if you google it, you'll see that people are getting dual diagnosis as both aspergers and bipolar. Definitely some fine lines that only a professional can deal with.

Belle,

The way you described coming home to his mood, and the discussion that ensued as well as the following morning, struck me like it was right from a movie scene. Almost surreal. The communication seemed all wrong. I don't know you at all, nor your situation... but I feel for you and wish you well. Protect you and yours.

Take care.