let me introduce myself

Well it says I should start a thread to introduce myself so, here goes. Please try not to think badly of me as you read this. I have been married for 27years, my wife’s mother was Bipolar and psychotic, her father paranoid Skitsophrenic , he ended up living on the streets (I never met him) two of her sisters are bipolar psychotic so badly that they dropped out of society and her third sister has had ECT and lives a normal life on medication.   My wife has always had a very quick very nasty temper and been able to accomplish superhuman feats, ie hold down a full time job an volunteer 8 hours a day plus keep our house so clean that you could eat off any surface you looked at. Spring cleaning once per month. 6 years ago my wife had a psychotic episode and was taken to a mental health unit for 4 weeks, she was diagnosed with Bi Polar, and put on Geadon (sic). Life was ok after that, she was now just a mortal like the rest of us. The house was still immaculate but the volunteerism was down to 8 hours a week and the nasty temper was gone! And she had stopped working to look after our 4 year old son 3 years before this. Then they put her on a new medication, Rispidol (sic) I think it was, The voices came back, sometimes she could be in a room by herself and I could walk in and not get a word in edgewise. I would be reprimanded for butting into an existing conversation. I reached out for help and got the usual “there is nothing we can do as she is not a danger to herself or others” speech and I was still green with this mental health thing. Not long after she was Dancing with the shadows and reality was gone. After another month in a “facility” she was back out and on increased Rispadol (sic) She would never sleep and would pace constantly. They gave her sleeping medicine (Alestra (the one with the butterfly) I believe) and it would give her 2 hours of sleep. They kept doubling the dose and in the end even I couldn’t keep straight how many she was supposed to take. She was getting about 2 hours sleep per day and constantly dancing or moving. Back to the facility. She had Akathesia really badly, they kept her for 6 weeks and could not get rid of the agitation. She had to go for ECT to get rid of the suicidal thoughts she was having and this Akathesia. We were now on Lithium. She started to develop the lithium shake, so the doctors put her on seraquil or one of the other new ones plus Welbutrin (sic) and some others and Remron she hospitalized herself on my request this time, unfortunately they changed her medication every shift change and insisted on forcing Rispadol back on her, the Akathesia came back and so did a blotchy red rash, they kept changing the medications and eventually gave up and transferred her to another facility for another round of ECT. That was 3 years ago. She refuses to take any anti psychotic medication and just takes Lithium. My son is now 11, we have had 4 more commitments (non with her blessing) she has been psychotic since may 09 and was even released with the doctors admitting they had changed nothing last November. They say she is not a danger to herself or others and they cant make her take the anti psychotics. She believes she can read peoples minds, this makes arguing very difficult because no matter what you say her response is “you are lying I know you are thinking X” if a car pulls out infront of her she believes they are trying to slow her down and rob the house so she will run them off the road. We have had childrens protective services around many times. I used to make excuses for her behavior but have now given up. She destroyed the clutch on her car 3 weeks ago as she heard that someone was going to steal that component and she wanted to stop them (I learned this from my son and the nasty smell of burned clutch). Last week she finally killed the clutch, the dealer wants $4,000 to fix it and says this is driver error and looks malicious. Her response is “See I told you people were driving my car!” She decided she had pain in 3 teeth and the dentist recommended 2 fillings. She went for 3 crowns, in gold $3,800! I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I tried playing along, (Do not do this it is a mistake that will haunt you) when she acts crazy I tell her. She no longer mentions anything. We have not had a real conversation in 5 years. Every person I have ever met or worked with is a plant to spy on her or steal her powers. She sleeps 16 hours a day, the house is dirty and uncared for, when I am on the road she may microwave a burrito for our son for supper. I told her she must take some sort of anti psychotic or I will leave her, she laughs and starts a tirade on how she wants me and my son out of the house so she can start to live. (this usually makes my son cry) She has had imaginary food poisoning 5 times this year and 5 times we have sat at the hospital all night only to be told all the tests came back negative. She doesn't care how she looks, she bathes and dresses but eats 3 or 5 cakes a week and has gained 50LBS so far this year. We are all scared to talk around her in case it sets her off, and when she is awake she watches childrens programs that are too young even for my son, and she laughs hysterically at them. She can spend hours in a single chair having a silent conversation with an imaginary friend, she seems happy. The last time she was taken to the “facility” was when the police were called for a domestic disturbance and she was attacking me, she has told me that the next time I call the hospital she will kill me. I think I believe her, we are coming up on thanksgiving and she has not spent one of those at home in the last 5 years, do I let her run off and live in a tent like she wanted to last year? I am going to talk to a family lawyer this week, I see no other alternative, this is not good for my son. Maybe the act of bringing divorce papers into the house will make her see I am not bluffing and she will start to take medication again. If I could have any wish it would be that she was back to something more normal, I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love, I am just scared that she will be the one to end it, around thanksgiving. Am I a bad person? Does anyone else live with someone that exists in an alternate reality? She writes letters to TV stars and fictitious people (I know as the letters come back return to sender) were she calls them her husband and tells them the sexual things she wants to do to them, things she wont do with me. These people are not even within 3,000 miles of our house, I wonder what they must think? There is obviously more to this story but my dissertation is already too long.

Its Genetic, Thank you for your understanding post, you bought tears to my eyes, I was expecting to be berated for giving up so easily or taking the quick way out. I am still desperately hoping that this will shock her back to reality and I get the love of my life, my best friend back. I am pretty sure there is no permanent hospitalization in the US anymore, I feel guilty and ashamed of what may happen to her if we do separate, who will take her to the hospital when she OD’s next time? Who will stand between her and the police when she decides they are satan’s troops next time? It kills me that she may not just walk away in handcuffs next time. But I realize that my poor little boy should not have to witness any of the above again. Not if he is going to have any chance at a normal life. I just hope she comprehends that the decision is entirely hers. I suppose if I am honest I came here looking for answers, I am angry with her Pdoc’s and with the regulations that let her cut me out of her treatment plan, I am angry that her current pdoc says she wont force my wife to take anti psychotics, I am angry that Child services comes around and threatens me but will never help with any of my problems, their solution is always separate the child from the situation. I am upset that the insurance companies make the mental health facilities discharge her once they see she wont take medication. I am furious that she was discharged last time as sick as she went in, and that after being taken in there in handcuffs! I am upset with the neigbours who when they found out she had cancer 7 years ago cooked meals and bought them over, and offered to look after my son while I visited her, now on finding out she has a mental illness wont let their kid come over and play. The wont say hello to my wife at school even when she is having a good day. There just seems so much broken I don’t know where to start to try to fix it, I tried the NAMI support groups but all they tell me is that I should leave her. Have we become so much of a throwaway society that we extend this to humans, loved ones also? sorry for the rant but this is my first time posting anything anywhere, and it is nice to talk to a group that actualy understands and dosnt judge. Post Edited (Doing my best) : 9/15/2010 7:47:18 PM (GMT-6)

Bump.

Are there any DBSA meetings for 'Loved ones of Depressed/Bipolar people.'?
You can google DBSA. I live in Vegas and they have family support and crisis
management here at the local state facility...I have gone to the meetings there
and it really helped not only with the support aspect but on finding solutions.

I would say to detach from her with love and try to get support for you and your
son. You have a right to be happy. Maybe by you letting go she'll get the help she needs.
Funny how it works that way but it does. It doesn't mean you don't love and care about
her...it's just the opposite.

Try to focus on your needs and the needs of your son rather than her. Do something to
take care of yourself. Pray.

Keep posting here and let us know how things are going. Do you have a spiritual mentor?
Any kind of support for you and your son as well as a safe place to live would be paramount
at this point. It sounds like she could hurt you or your son physically...not meaning to of course.
She's just very ill...but sometimes we can get just as ill from caretaking. So please...put yourself
and your son first and know that you did the best you could...no blame no guilt...but this is bigger
than any one person can deal with.

Hugs!!!

 

  Yes, right now im sure everthing looks broken. I have been in this place and let me tell you what helped me.

   1, work on things you directly control, YOURSELF. You have been fantastic source of strengh, make sure yoyu get the rest you need, eat right, excersise, meditate, calm your inner being so you can be a calm person making decisions.

   2. Don;t blame her docs. Its not like we can take a bllod test and it will tell us to take 5 mg of med A, 2 mg of med B, and get lots of rest and we are cured. This desease is the worst because it takes away our ability to fight and reason with it. Remember she is as lost as a person can be, and ther eis no way of knowing if she will ever find her way back.

   3. Protect you and your family. If she gets violent, get out. THis is a no go, she doesnt have control and you have to take care of yourself and your child ( i think it is one, right)?

  Good luck, take a rest when adn where you can. 

   Bill