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Posted 10/9/2010 6:38 AM (GMT 0)

I need help im having a rough time with my feelings for my boyfriend..I have this issue with being easily annoyed and if i hangout to much i get annoyed with the person. Or if im constantly talking to the same person i get annoyed..but isnt it supposed to be different with a boyfriend? The fact that my boyfriend has no friends or at least true friends except me I feel so bad if i ever let him go because im the thing that makes him happy..but im constantly thinking about him and i loveee thinking about the future i could have with him but right now the present makes me not want to be with him because its almost like im sick of him..but hes perfect in everyway..I just dont understand how something so perfect can change within a few days..i dont know whether i should stay with him or not because i dont see any negative things hes not gunna fix hes perfect..but my heart is all confused but we have only been dating for almost 3 months..what do i do? its making me feel so uncomfortable and making me feel like im in an unrealistic world and my anxiety/depression have been kicking in making things worse..

Posted 10/9/2010 12:26 PM (GMT 0)
Yours feelings sound perfectly reasonable to me. And BTW: you are not being unrealistic, but society - especially all the Disney movies, books, Happily-ever-after stories - teaches us LIES about what dating and relationships and marriage is like. No wonder we are disappointed and/or confused.

Anyway - it's a heavy load to bear when your partner has no other friends besides you. He doesn't have to really DO anything "WRONG" for you to not want to be there for him 24/7. Most of us when thinking about meeting someone special don't think, "Hey. I want someone really needy and dependent on me, kinda like a baby, that I can have the responsibility of making happy and ask nothing in return. GOOD TIMES!" It doesn't make you a bad person (or HIM a bad person) to want to have some of your needs/wants attended to. And some people - like really PERFECT people - won't be able to do that for us. Because we are all unique and different people are perfect for some and not for others.

You've only been dating for three months. You are getting to know one another. You are not contractually obligated to one another. That's what marriage is -- which is something that should not be considered until you know someone a long time and in many different contexts. So don't guilt trip yourself and keep your eyes and options open. If you haven't already, you may want to just date around for some time. Get to see what's out there and learn about yourself and what you want in the process. Don't give the first person that comes down the pike all your best energy until you know that you are compatible (which means that HE'S not so dependent on you but has a life of his own and something to offer YOU as well).

Good luck.

Allexxan
Posted 10/9/2010 1:34 PM (GMT 0)
Distance makes the heart grow fonder. Really, you both NEED to have your own interests in order to have a healthy relationship.

I was too dependent on my fiance for human interaction, so I started going to bellydance classes and a Wild Wdible Plants class.

I think you are right to question the relationship - it could become codependent.

I think you should talk to him gently but totally honestly. Tell him that you can't be there for him 24/, that you have days that you can't be there for him at all because of your own problems, and that you would appreciate if he would find a hobby, class, friends, sports, etc., to reduce stress on you. Make a bad news sandwich and tell him why you love him and reinforce that this is a temporary problem on the way to your future together.
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