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Posted 10/9/2010 11:04 PM (GMT 0)
I would respond to others' posts, but I don't feel like I have anything useful to contribute. 

We are going to foreclose on our house.  So that probably gives us about 2 months to find somewhere decent to live, and pack up a big house where many years of things, plus parents' passed down things, have accumulated.  I don't feel like we are ever going to get out of the debt. I have a huge student loan that is in forbearance right now because we can't pay on it.  The forbearance ends in April.  We won't be able to pay on it then... it will never go away.  I feel chained to it. I am terrified and I can't stop my mind from ruminating.  I am so full of regrets about choices made, like the educational program that I got the student loan for.  And I can't see a future.  It is all clouded with debt, debt, debt.  I look back now and filter everything through the lens of "was this because of my bipolar disorder?"  I cry off and on all day and my mind NEVER stops thinking negative thoughts about the past and future.  I pray and read and feel no lasting comfort or help with how to cope.  I feel beyond the help of my therapist, my husband and friends.  My husband tries to reassure and comfort me, but I can't seem to take anything in and hold onto it.  I have never felt more lost and without hope than I do now.  This is a living nightmare that I feel trapped in.  My self-esteem is not even on the chart.  I had really good jobs, and now I am struggling to survive with the income of the one I am in.  I feel like all my children ever see is a glum mom.  Every day is such a struggle to make through.  I don't feel like I will ever know peace, security, and joy again.  It is all dark.  I would appreciate any words that you could offer me. 

Posted 10/9/2010 11:17 PM (GMT 0)
Hi sun. :) Debt does go away. And if a student loan is in economic forbearance long enough, it is erased. But that's like 30 years or something. :)

Drop the burden you are carrying. You will lose your house, but you will lose the mortgage too. (Woot!) sort of. Purging posessions, IME, is so freeing! Sell what you can, donate what you can. I know how stressful debt is. Let it go. Stress will not give you income, nor reduce your debt. It s what t s. You have what you have. You are making changes to work towards removing this burden from your life.

This is a HUGE OPPORTUNITY to downsize. A smaller apartment. Fewer things. Cut your life, your commitments, your bills, your posessions in half. Enjoy the satisfaction of watching the debt melt away as you have more money to pay it down. Can you imagine how GOOD it is going to feel when it is all paid off?!

You can do this. Your kids are your teammates, not your burden. Make them a challenge - give away 1/2 of your stuff. A huge opportunity for them to learn what is important in life!
Posted 10/10/2010 12:30 AM (GMT 0)
Oh, Sun, dark times indeed. As everyone has said, this can turn out to be a blessing in the long run. While not advocating minimalism, its kind of nice not to have so much stuff. My sister has hoarded Grandma's stuff, our family photos, doesn't use it, and she doesn't even have anything OUT, its crowding her cupboards and closets. Hard to let go of, but the time comes.

Sometimes it can feel like it just can't be over with soon enough but wait, not that soon because I'm not ready.

No, don't regret your education. To hell with the student loan, that's the last thing I'd worry about, paying that back. Getting out of the mortgage will be something of a relief. and downsizing is good. I did twice, last time sold EVERYTHING. Now am in a Senior Citizen "luxury, ha ha" mobile park home. Its beautiful, trees, water features, ducks. Am a little touchy about living in a trailer, but the elders here refer to them as "coaches", ha ha So much easier to maintain, no real estate taxes.

I thought you were going to have your real estate friend help you sell?

You have done a wonderful job using your education and helping people so far. That part, starting over with new clients, is a temporary set back. You'll get it back again. You needed a little break from the pressure of it anyway. Consider the many you've helped.



Be nice ! You wouldn't be so hard on us if the shoe were on the other foot.

Sandy

Post Edited (Trying to Understand) : 10/9/2010 6:34:47 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/10/2010 1:21 AM (GMT 0)
Tortoise, TTU, and It's Genetic - I am so, so appreciative of your words of comfort, guidance and encouragement.  Thanks for what you said about education and the student loan.  I have worked hard and used my education TTU.  Thank you for reminding me.  It feels like I have placed heavy weight around our neck with the loan, but I will try to worry less about it.  I know worrying doesn't do any good, but I can't get my mind to stop.

I did take some clonazepam this evening for my anxiety and ruminating.  It has calmed me down.  I may have to take it more than I would like to get through this time.  So many meds.

The downsizing piece is absolutely right... it needs to be done and as I took another load to Good Will today it felt good to be getting stuff out. Long way to go. I had been thinking about storage spaces, Its Genetic, so it is good to have your advice regarding that.  We were going to sell the house, but with the depressed real estate prices the price the realtor is thinking (which is realistic) won't be enough to clear our mortgage.  2 years ago our house literally would have been worth $100,000 more.  House down the street sold for $150000 less than its original list price - a price it would have gotten before the recession.  THis house was our nest egg.  There is no chance of refinancing.  A big part of the issue is me losing my job earlier in the year and even if the loan was refinanced, I can't see that the mortgage would be affordable given our current income.  Plus I don't think we have the credit any more for us to get a loan. 

I am very fortunate to have a caring husband who is patient with me and this illness and is shouldering a great deal of the load right now.  He is a hospital chaplain and has a steady, secure job.  Will never bring in a whole lot of income, but what he is called to do and good at.  

Thanks for the encouragement about things getting better.  I am going to read  your responses over again for a while as I really find them of comfort and encouragement.  You all are so caring.

Posted 10/10/2010 4:26 AM (GMT 0)
Excellent fresh input from Its Genetic. I don't know about those things. Worth it to check into, and maybe your husband could help with it.

Real estate agents aren't entirely to be trusted, has been true in my case every time. On both ends, buying and selling. And even my "friend". Just to double check you could call someone else in and tell them to bring comps. I like to see it in black and white, when these houses sold, and ALL the recent action. You don't have to explain that you are approaching foreclosure. Keep that private.

The most exciting thing was "Speaking very frankly, your illness and loss of a job because of that illness is almost grounds for a lawsuit against the current mortgage lender if the people are not willing to ease the pressure, even permitting you to make payments on the interest for an interrim until you recover from the loss of a powerful job providing your family with useable and needed income. Yours is definitely not a black or white situation.". You could call your current lender, or write and quote that, " My illness and loss of job could be grounds for a lawsuit ......." See what they say.

I think Its Genetic is right. Its not over yet. Fight now ! If it works it was worth it, if not oh well, you tried everything.

Good luck

Sandy
Posted 10/11/2010 12:59 AM (GMT 0)
I don't think we can fight this.  I did not officially lose my job because of my illness, nor, for future references, would I want that to be listed as the official reason I lost my job.  We do not have enough equity in the house anymore to be fighting over this - very little.  Our realtor is getting nothing out of this.  She is a good friend with a fine real estate company and I know the price she is telling us is right for a number of reasons. We have a lawyer we are working with and he does thinks we need to foreclose.  Even without all of that, it is not going to be healthy for me to put my energy into fighting this - I don't have the energy to put into it nor does my husband.  To stay even if we could just pay the interest for a while (which most of the mortgage payment is), would just draw out making longer term decisions and drawing things out and being in limbo is very unhealthy for me right now, and therefore will be for my family, because if my health affects the whole.  Clarity and a way forward is important.  We just need to get out and move on.

Saying all that I appreciate the depth of your thoughts and advice.  It certainly helped me go over options again.  You all are so kind.

I have taken clonazapam twice today.  Rough morning until around 3, then got outside for my son's tennis match and began to feel better.  I could actually appreciate the sun shining through the water of a sprinkler later on - the kind of thing I have not been able to take in and be moved by recently.  It was a little period of lightness and was like a refreshing breeze from the ocean.  I am grateful for it.  This is the thing - I really want to be grateful about even the little things as much as possible, but I have just had this dull, dead feeling in my heart.  Spiritually, I have felt dead although I pray and read daily or more than daily.  Hello - no one is there!  So to have a moment where I could appreciate the sunlight and FEEL - not just think I should be - grateful was such a gift.  Then I thought positive things for a little while.   First time in months.  

Posted 10/11/2010 1:21 AM (GMT 0)
OK, understand your position. Glad you thought it over.

It seems that using the Klonopin is very useful. At least you are going out, enjoying some sun, and noticed the water in the sprinklers, the ocean breeze. Working at maintaining your spiritual relationship with God.

Know that feeling, hello, anyone home?

Sandy
Posted 10/11/2010 3:10 AM (GMT 0)
I have the "Hello, anyone home?!" feeling a lot. Ever since my last hypomania/mania ... 1 year ago. :(
Posted 10/12/2010 11:43 PM (GMT 0)
I sort of know what you're feeling Sun, at least about the student loans. I went into a tailspin in college, changed majors, flunked out, totally blew several years' worth of loan money. Now I'm $75k in debt without a prayer of ever paying it back.
Posted 10/12/2010 11:55 PM (GMT 0)
I don't think there is ever NO HOPE in paying off debt. Really. I can give financial advice, but let's take it to a new thread.

I dug myself out of $8,000+ debt. And that on an income of $300/mo, 1/2 of that going to my car payment!

It IS possible. My numbers are small, but my confidence in you is BIG.
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