Im an ADD husband who is married to a BIPOLAR wife...HELP!

Hi everyone,

I have been on this message board reading posts for over a week now, searching for some example to compare to my situation. I was recently diagnosed by a GP with ADD, and all the frustratingly reckless thought patterns associated with it. I am 28 and I have been married to my wife for a year in December. It has been the single most up and down, rollercoaster of emotions I have ever experienced in my life. From the get go, problems have emerged in our relationship because of my "forgetfulness" or "selfishness." I would seemingly leave the lights on purpose, fail to lock the doors, forget things that myself or wife need for work and even lock us out of the house on occasion. My wife would obviously be upset about these continued screw ups and would display her emotions in an extreme way. Until recently I believed these reactions were simply what happens over time when you have to continue to deal with the qualities of an ADD person. However, the emotions have become more extreme. She at times has reacted extremely for something as simple as leaving the hall light on. She threatens to divorce me, uses put-downs and if I dont react even erupts into a rage that ends up with her physically assaulting me. Now, Im a huge guy and she is a smaller gal, so the violence doesn't effect me that much, but its just scary. Part of my ADD is that I'm extremely sensitive and basically melt into a ball on the floor when she unleashes how she doesn't love me or care about me. I put everything I am into everything I do. So it kind of ends up like a ticking time bomb. I have just started taking medication and I feel it is really helping me pull through my tendencies. But, my wife refuses to even admit there is anything wrong with her. She says I am the beginning and end of all her problems (even for things out of my control). I know she needs help. She constantly tells me about her anxiety attacks, she goes through waves of depression (due to a sad family story). This apparently has been the case since she was 15. And it seems even when she is in her "happy state" when she has abnormal energy, if I mention a doctor, the mood swings back low. I love her so much, but we are a hell of a mix. How do I find a happy-medium? The swings have become worse lately due to a family member's health being in decline. HELP!

-ADD HUBBY

Bill - did you get my email?

 

 No tortise, i didnt get your email. Mine is [email protected]   I will check the site here and make sure that it is linked

Bill

I am a bipolar wife married to an ADD husband. We have been married for 10 years and have 2 kids. It has been extremely challenging and exhausting at times to say the least. Fortunately, we have a great therapist and psychiatrist who have worked with us for years couseling us and adjusting meds. Somehow we made it this far. We laugh sometimes saying it is nothing but a MIRACLE that we are still together. I used to have fits of rage and physical and emotional abuse towards him. He is narcisistic, unrealistic, impulsive, bad memory and impossible to please. Nothing is ever enough for him to be content. I am a co-dependant pleaser who comes from a rough childhood so we get trapped in this cycle. We still deal with symptoms but they are tempered with meds. It is hard to accept the true nature of the other spouse. We both decided to "own our issues"  several years ago which was our saving grace. It is hard to face who we truly are still and deal with the moods sometimes. We are now capable of having in depth, civil conversations without fighting and freaking out. Our love for our children has motivated us to work harder even when we feel like giving up. Things have gotten much better than in the beggining of our relationship 12 years ago. If both people are too stubborn to give up and truly love eachother there is hope. It is easy to find fault  in our spouse. If there is honesty it can save your relationship. Try to act loving even when your moodswings try to take over.  Have hope, get help, focus on what you like about your partner. I have empathy for all of you going through this. Just remember you are not alone.