How much damage can business trips do to a BP man in denial?

Hi! I am new to this site and have a question I can't really find answered anywhere. My husband was diagnosed BP about 4 years ago at age 44. It took him around 2 years just to be able to say the words that he is BP, although he has only said it to a handful of people. He is on Lamictal, Seroquel, and Trileptal. He is mostly hypomanic but was very depressed once and that's when he finally got help. He has never read any information on his illness and gets upset with me when I do. He says that he takes his meds and that is all he needs to do. I have tried to talk to him about diet, exercise, sleep regulation, and avoidance of alcohol coming into play. When he is in the right state of mind, he says he knows I am right and that what I say is only me looking out for him, not trying to control him. But he then continues to drink when on vacation every year with his family and a week away with his friends and on business trips where he says "it is my job to drink and have stories with the clients".

My question is, has anyone else seen where business trips set off a state of mind where the BP spouse comes home feeling bored with their homelife, disconnected, irritable, and self-centered? Secondly, I think it has a lot to do with him not taking the Seroquel or only taking 1 of the 2 when he drinks. So, if he is away for 5 days, at least 4 of them are without Seroquel. He won't take it when he drinks because he says it doesn't mix with alcohol (though the obvious answer to me is that he should give up the alcohol not the Seroquel). Has anyone else been affected negatively by the suspension of Seroquel for a short time?

I know that he gets frustrated with me for not drinking with him (even if I did like alcohol, I would not drink with him because it would ramp up his drinking) and he thinks I just disapprove of it because of my tea-totaling upbringing. Everyone in his family drinks regularly, as do all of his friends and coworkers. I know it would not be easy for him to stop, but I am getting very tired after 18 years of marriage of repeating cycles which I associate with his drinking. Is it me? Am I offbase and just too straightlaced?

Thank you for your help.

Do you mean that that is how you feel after being on a trip or that your spouse is like that?

It hurts when he doesn't actually communicate when he calls while he is away, he doesn't hug me or the kids when he comes home or only in a half-hearted way, and then immerses himself in online chess for hours instead of talking to us. He is snappish and condescending to me and then expects me to make romantic overtures toward him (I am supposed to read his mind to know when he would like me to make advances and not make them when he might feel they are annoying). If I try to be affectionate in any way at the "wrong" time, he rolls his eyes and cuts me off. Then, he gets really angry if we aren't romantic when he does want it and he says it is up to me to initiate it and by not doing so I am being manipulative. When he does talk to us, it is to lament how everyone else in the world has technology that we don't have and how we should "invest" in all new computers, cell phones, etc. and how we should be going on trips where everyone else goes and doing what everyone else does, even if we can't afford it. He then makes snide remarks inferring it is somehow my fault. I have seen this behavior with nearly every business trip, short or long, which makes me think it is the lack of Seroquel. He just seems restless and unhappy with his life, whereas before he leaves he tells me how lucky he is and how happy he is with me. Unfortunately, his business trips are becoming extremely frequent, and I am afraid of where we will be if he refuses to accept that he has to get control of things.

He sees his psychiatrist every 3-4 months for a short visit to talk about meds and his therapist 1-2 times per year. He never talks to me about what is discussed. When I have asked him specifically if certain things were discussed (such as when he knows several trips are coming up very close together or will be in varying time zones, I have suggested that he might want to talk to the psychiatrist about dosage or possibly altering the time that he takes his meds to minimize the effects), he says he can handle it himself and there is no need to talk to him about it. I know that he has never discussed the times when he has threatened suicide to get me to back off discussing things like his online poker playing in the past or any of his violent outbursts. I just wish his therapist would make it a requirement for him to read up on his illness and to have sessions with both of us. If he would open up to the information on it, he would stop acting as if I am making it all up and making me the bad guy trying to ruin his fun.