Hey guys, I know I've posted here in the past but unfortunately I'm back here again wondering about
just what's wrong with me. Multiple doctors have diagnosed me as having anxiety/depression. It just seems to me that it's something more then that. It's not that I WANT it to be, it's just what I believe to be the truth. One thing that 3 of the therapists I've seen since seeking therapy have all said is that I have anxiety/depression, but that I was definetly showing manic signs of depression when this all first happened to me 2 years ago. I didn't sleep for a week back then, not even a minute nap or anything. I was just up all day and night and my mind was absolutely racing out of control. It still runs and runs and runs on me but I have gotten used to it a little bit, I'm able to get done the everyday stuff that I need to while it continues to just absolutely run on me. It's definetly taking a toll on my quality of life though, I seriously don't enjoy just about
anything anymore.
Anyways, I still sleep terribly. I'm off of medications now for about a month now and thank god the withdrawals are gone, but I still don't feel right/or ok. I feel off, have a very hard time just sitting still and sticking to 1 gameplan. I'm always changing my mind CONSTANTLY about what I'm going to do next. These ideas or thoughts could change as quickly as within like 5-10 minutes. They're minor stuff but for example its stuff like "I'm going to back to college for computers" "I'm going to stick it out at this job and wiat til I get a promotion" "I'm going to put up my resume on monster and leave and try and get a better spot somewhere else" "I should just go back to work with my family's business because that's where I belong" "I should go back to school for business and finish up my bachelors, and work on getting into an investment firm". All these thoughts run through my head and it's IMPOSSIBLE to make up my mind. I honsetly feel as if I have zero control over this issue, this used to be easy for me to choose a path and just go with it. I've lost the ability to either make the decision, or to stand by it, or to believe in it. I'm not quite sure why I change my mind hourly on these situations, and on others as well. But it's EXTREMELY frustrating because it effects my performance and mood at work greatly.
I guess the whole point of this post is....what are the early signs of someone being bipolar? I am moody as all hell lately, I go up and down drastically and when I'm by myself and I'm really upset lately I've been having crying spells. This is pretty new for me, can't honestly remember the last time I cried before this period of time. But it's just out of complete frustration/helplessness because I feel like I'm just stuck in this darn rut with no way out. I have these CONSTANT headaches/lightheaded feelings that make me feel like I'm not even here. I look in the mirror and don't even recognize my reflection staring at me, I am isolating myself from friends and family and lights and sounds are bothering me. My eyes are very sensitive to light and any semi loud sound makes me jump, and most sounds like they're muffled. Almost like my ears are clogged.
These signs that I could possibly be bipolar? That and the fact that it's EXTREMELY hard for me lately to sit aruond and just do nothing. I need to stay busy or else I just go nuts.