Posted 3/28/2011 5:54 PM (GMT 0)
My BP1 husband had 2 years sober and started drinking again. Like any alcoholic, he at first denied it but I smelled it on his breath and since I am also a recovering alky, I know what beer breath smells like. He drank 27 beers Saturday night. Of course with alcoholism there is always a subtle progression with amounts. At first, he said he could control it and kept it down to one or two but very soon he was right where he left off 2years ago.
I am practicing compassion and going to a lot of A.A. And Al-Anon meetings. 12 step programs have their faults but they sure are available and supportive when you need them.
My teen son is doing ecstasy every weekend and staying out all night. He missed school again today. I have been enabling him by giving him my own spending money until now I realize he is just spending it on weed. And then I have no money. Also I have allowed him to drive the car with no insurance. I am stopping all that today.
Hubby and son and teen friends all partying together. Things are getting really strange. Both hubby and son didn't go to work/school today. I refuse to baby them. Although I gave my son breakfast in bed. I am an enabler...huh? But I am stopping that now because I'm tired of it.
I wanted to go off meds and heal my brain from detrimental pharmaceuticals and try alt. Healing methods. I used to astral travel and have lucid dreams which I rarely do now and think perhaps it is due to meds. This is sad because much of my spiritual wisdom is taught to me through these special dreams. I have heard that once you take mental illness meds your brain stays screwed up for 7 years. I wish I had never gone on meds and just dealt with my problems better. I want my brain to function as it did before meds...who am I anymore? Maybe I was meant to be the way I was before meds...God doesn't create junk. I heard meds shrink the brain.
But now, with all the instability going on at home I am once again afraid to go off meds. My true self says I should try alt. therapies bc I am basically med-resistant meaning meds just don't work on me for very long...3 months maybe if I'm lucky. But maybe I would be nuts sence my brain has been fed with them so long.
I am feeling lonely and afraid.
just don't work. So I'm messing my brain up for nothing.