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Posted 4/26/2011 12:56 AM (GMT 0)
Hi everyone. Been trying to stay off the Internet the last week because I was taking in too much information! But I have missed you all.

I am in my 9th week of the med taper. Ten days I have been off all mood stabilizers and ssri. I've had a week with the dizzies, no appetite, and amazingly enough...sleeping super well. I'm 3days off klonipin. Still in the trenches with that but I'm seeing the shoreline. I have a headache. Yesterday I was in a horrible mood all day but that was rare. For the most part I am level and normal as I was when on the meds. I don't see a big difference. I think perhaps I was mis-diagnosed and have been dealing with all this for 15 years.

I do believe I have had situational depressions. Am I bipolar...I don't know. Am I an alcoholic in recovery with a lot of 'character' challenges? You betcha'! 12 step programs are helping immensely. I think the drinking looked like bipolar and of course, being an alcoholic, it was never the drinking that was the problem!!! Every time I went to the psyche ward-3 times I had been drinking and got suicidal but I never told the doctors because I wanted a mental illness...not to be an alcoholic! I'm so weird!

So I'm feeling my real unmedicated skin. I am feeling a lot of feelings. I am trying to heal my brain and be gentle with it so it can recover and function on it's own without meds. I am smoking cigarettes now which is awful, I know. But I have started a healthy eating regieme, take vitamins, meditate, pray a lot, work my job, be there for my family and do the best I can. I really don't feel too different. Except I'm not so spaced out. I even went to the grocery store today and didn't have to take anxiety meds! I quit meat and coffee and sugar to help things out too.

So yeah...I've had a few rough days but on the whole am doing very well.
Love you all
Posted 4/26/2011 1:08 AM (GMT 0)
WOW!!! I applaude you for taking this course of action! I found out the hard way that I DO need to be on medications, but maybe that is because I was diagnosed correctly? Who knows... My Bipolar II manifests itself in either deep depression or on the other end extreme irritability and cannot handle noises well such as if my kids are trying to talk to me, husband is talking to me and the TV is on I have to plug my ears and tell husband that I cannot listen to you all at once and he gets the hint to get all quieted down. The noise level to me is 300x what actually is going on, but to me it can be too overwhelming and stimulating.

I will pray for you for continued recovery in all of your issues that you deal with, and that you will see the light at the end of the tunnel and be med free and better than ever! He will not leave or forsake us -- those are HIS words and even though we may not feel him near 100% of the time when we are having trouble he is there just waiting for us to call on HIM. I have been reading Psalms and it is very encouraging.

Good luck and keep us posted.
Posted 4/30/2011 1:39 PM (GMT 0)
Brand new here, I'll post an intro soon. But I just had to jump in here. BerryBlonde81, finally someone put into words the sound/noise issue. I really thought it was just me. Grocery stores, the mall, sometimes even church becomes so overwhelming. I haven't been to any of those places in months. But the one noise issue that gives me the most guilt, is, at times, my kiddos. I love them dearly, but with 5, the noise becomes overwhelming. We haven't had family dinners in months because of me.

Thank you for giving words and acknowledgement to this issue. I'm not alone!

Momto5

New diagnosed Bipolar II after 7 years of frustration
Posted 4/30/2011 4:19 PM (GMT 0)
I'm really struggling folks. I have a lot of anxiety, fatigue, cold hands and feet yet perspiring too. I feel so old. I started smoking again and I feel so guilty about it. I mean I am trying so hard to be healthy and natural and then I smoke. My husband relapsed on alcohol and I got pretty stressed about it and that's when I picked up the cigs. But I'm trying to tell myself to just accept that though I'm smoking now, I will quit soon. I had quit for a year and I will again. Hubby is sober and doing well now. I get dizzy at work if I have to crouch down to the bottom shelf. When I stand up I feel like I'm gonna pass out.

I have to work tonight and I don't know how I'm going to do it. I haven't works nights in 2 weeks. My mother in law is in town and coming over. I hope and pray and I mean I have been PRAYING for healing and balance that I can cut it without meds but I am starting to wonder when I will feel good again. I have a Drs. Appt. May 5th....2 months since I came off meds.

I also started a vegetarian diet 2 months ago...maybe I'm anemic now? I so want to be closer to God, Divinity, Source...but last night at a restaurant I ordered the halibut and today I feel better. When I was in India a few years back I was told that vegetarianism would keep me more spiritually fit...but perhaps I tried to change too much at once? Perhaps, I'm not supposed to be a vegetarian.

I so want to be a success story of someone who got sober, came off meds, and is leading a happy balanced life through direct contact with spirit. But I am struggling and humbled to say that I don't know how much longer I can do it.

How long does it take to right the chemicals in the brain to a natural state after being on meds for 2 1/2 years?
Posted 4/30/2011 7:26 PM (GMT 0)
Red, I am so proud of you! You know I always preach diet and lifestyle. Benzo's are the hardest to get off. It really took a month or two after getting of off the Xanax for the symptoms you described to subside. But honey, it is so worth it if you are determined to do that. Strict vegetarian, not for me. I do eat red meat once a week, chicken or turkey three times a week and lots of tuna and salmon. Getting off caffeine, processed foods, alcohol, junk/restaurant food, sugar, etc made me feel so light and good and nearly balanced. A lot of people are diagnosed with mood disorders that abuse alcohol or are malnourished or just plain allergic to caffeine. I think each day that passes you will feel better and the side effects of benzo withdrawal will become fewer and fewer. Valerian Root helped me at night when sleeping was impossible. Extra vitamin C helped build my energy and natural vitamin E stopped my heart palpitations. All with my Drs. blessing. I still have rough days but not as many and not nearly as bad as when I was on the meds.

Keep up the good work and if you do not succeed, you can always go back on meds, at least you tried. I have made it med free for one year May 15th.

You are going to be fine Red. Find your path to wellness.

Gem
Posted 4/30/2011 7:31 PM (GMT 0)
You can look up the 1/2-life of your medications to see if they have cleared your system. Once they are gone, you are returned to your natural state.

How can you know what is causing your symptoms when you change so much all at once? Go see a Dr. I'm not telling you to go on meds. I'm saying see a GP and get it sorted out.

I know you are intensely spiritual, but you have heard of families that try to pray their children well and ignore medical treatment and the child dies?

I believe that my god has answered my prayer for health by providing means to get psychiatric care. I believe that refusing this treatment is rejection of my god, and a deep insult to him.

Pray, meditate, find strength to stop smoking. Get a dietician to help you be healthy on a vegetarian/vegan diet.

It's all about your personal health. Not your preconcieved idea of what provides your personal health. If you want to be vegan and you can do it safely... than what does it matter? You body needs calories and nutrients, the way you provide them does not matter.

Please don't take my slightly-critical posts the wrong way. I am concerned about your health and wish you the BEST!

XOXO
Posted 4/30/2011 8:11 PM (GMT 0)
Gem,
Thank you for your kind words. That is what I most needed...I will find my path to wellness. I also agree with you about so many people being mis-diagnosed with bipolar disorder when it's really alcohol and drug abuse, neglect of health, and mal-adjustment to life's changes and natural ebbs and flows. I will try the valerian root too and vitamin E as well. I am also going to add meat. You are truly a beautiful soul and congratulations to you too for making it a year with no meds!
Posted 4/30/2011 9:10 PM (GMT 0)

 In the end we all have to walk our own path. You can no more follow mine than i can walk yours. We can give directions and advice, but in the end we walk alone.

  You have decided to try this without meds. Good for you. But trying it without meds doesnt mean you have to reject all meds. If you are having bad anxiety, then maybe get some help for that.

  My doctor was very forward thinking in that we discussed me learning to live with my lesser demons, those that i could control, and geting some prescription help for those i needed help with. So i take one small pill once a day on average. I am medicated, but just barely. I am still fully aware of my bipolarer, but now i have a choice as to whether or not i act on my bad thoughts. The key word there is CHOICE. I actually have one. That to me is a win all the way.

  But i have learned to live my life more simple. I have less, and therefore worry about less. I eat well, but still enjoy the occasional BK burger (normally with a large furry friend). LOL LOL LOL I have given up tv and internet at home, and have had to simplify my life by divorcing my wife cause of the bad issues she brought into my life. In the last eight months i have discovered how happy "happy Bill" can actually be.

Walk your own path, chart your own course. At least by being active in trying to control this beast you are taking control from it. Even if you have bad days, in the end you are in control. That makes a huge difference in my opinion, instead of waiting on help to arrive, you are actively looking for the path you should follow.

  Good job.

  Bill

Posted 4/30/2011 9:41 PM (GMT 0)
Tortoise,
Thank you for your post. I appreciate your concern a lot. I am glad you have found health and balance...that is fantastic. It's true that by changing everything at once, I am having a tough time finding out what is causing the symptoms. Of course, I just thought I'd be perfectly fine but I need to practice patience with myself and my healing. Thanks for wishing me the best. I wish the same for you!

Bill,
Thank you too! This site is an important part of my recovery and I know I can count on you to be there. It sounds like your Dr. Is a rare find. I am glad he/she has an open-minded approach and you are doing well on little meds. If meds had worked for me, I'd still be on them. But you are right, we are all the same, yet all different and we each have to walk our own path. I also admire your cycling. I'm going to get back to the gym...soon!
Thanks again for your support. Be well!
Posted 5/1/2011 1:27 AM (GMT 0)
I went off meds about this time last year. I did well for a while, but I couldn't maintain my self-care. I did still see my psychiatrist. It didn't end catastrphically, but I started on meds slowly. I really wanted to be off meds and healty - living proof, defying the odds or something.

I'm not as healthy or balanced as I had been. My pdoc wants to add in more pills and it's like ENOUGH!! I have not picked them up from the pharmacy - it has been a week. I'm going to try coping and fighting the moderate non-continuous depression for another week. You give me a lot of ideas to take care of myself better.

I'm going to try a couple little things for a week. I am going to play with my dog every day. I'm going to take care of my skin and hair. Meditate. Try to find some sunshine. Go for a walk with my neighbor.

I'm fine with the meds I am one. I'm not comfortable with starting another, so I do identify with you somewhat.

Be easy on yourself. Get the smoking back under control. Easy exercise. Wholesome foods, meditate. You're already doing a lot of good things for yourself. Settle back, slow down. Don't let anxiety or frustration of not meetin your ideal quickly push you into hypomania.

I don't think single foods will improve symptoms, but using them as part of a healthful diet is. Does that make sense? Maybe it wasn't the halibut. Maybe it was the portion size, the amount of fat that made you feel healthier? In indian was it really the lack of meat? Non-USA cuisine is much healthier in general. Do you remember meals you had? Maybe try those?

The placeb effect is strong. But is doesn't last forever.
Posted 5/1/2011 12:34 PM (GMT 0)
Red,

Tort and Bill making very good points. You are probably trying to change too much at once and you do have to find your own path. We can all tell someone what works for us, but that does not mean it will work for you. I do what I am doing with my PDoc's blessing. He said I was one of five people in his practice that did not respond well to meds, he told me sometimes it happens. I never want anyone to think I am knocking meds for mood disorders, I am not. In fact I am quiet envious of someone that sought help and did find a med that agreed with them physically and helped them mentally. I have a lot of days that I so wish I could do that. But on the flip side, if you are someone that tolerated meds and they helped you, you have no idea what it is like to struggle with this and know that you have to try different paths until you can maintain some degree of balance. The best changes I made were slow and steady, I did not like it at the time, I wanted to feel better now! It just does not work that way.

Respectfully,
Gem
Posted 5/1/2011 9:37 PM (GMT 0)
Gem,

I think I remember a long list of meds and how horribly they affected you. Can you repost somewhere?
Posted 5/2/2011 4:40 AM (GMT 0)
Red, I started reading Bipolar Diet and is facinationg, fish oil, ameno acids vit B etc will help certain conditions. Also my dr wants to have me tested for sleep apnea & adult ADHD & I don't. Intersting about the grocery store noise post..I need noise to silence my thoughts, TV radio or whatver but is just backgound not watching or listening all the time but if too loud or bright in a room I get agitated. I had a setback when i tryed to take half the doses of meds cause of costs but spent 2 weeks in hyper manic then severe depression. I want to be off meds so I can have another child. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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