Posted 4/27/2011 6:14 AM (GMT 0)
Hi Serenitee
I am also bipolar 2, but have just recently realized that the label 1 or 2 doesn't really matter. The treatment is pretty much the same.
I think it was easier for me to try to accept this illness by holding on to the label Bipolar 2, because it wasn't the "bad" one. The truth is (for me) in order to accept it, I have to acknowledge that mental illness is just that, an illness.
My bipolar is depressive. My entire life, my baseline has been depression, and in a cycle, it was suicidal depression. I lived life through a cloud of doom. Once I was diagnosed about 1 1/2 yrs ago, I started Lamatrigine (generic Lamactil) , Lexapro (antidepressant), and Trazadone (for sleep), and the whole world opened up for me. I never realized how sick I was, because it was my normal. The doom and darkness was pretty much gone.
I am now slowly making my way out of my first bp depression since my diagnosis. It has been hell. I had almost forgot what that darkness and emptiness felt like.
My point.... It's an illness. Try not to get stuck on the label, you'll have an easier time managing. It's something that you will have to monitor, like a diabetic monitoring their blood sugar.
Also.. It's not your fault. It's not something you could have prevented. You haven't done anything wrong. It doesn't make you a bad person. For me, that continues to be the hardest part. I've spent a lot of time judging myself and my character. I have to continue to remind myself that this illness doesn't define me. If anything, it has shown me how strong I am. It has given me much empathy for others and their struggles. I am a survivor.
I think it's great that you came to this site right away. Know that whatever you write, someone here has had that feeling or experience, that you do have allies in this. I just joined a few weeks ago, and I can't tell you how much it has meant to me to feel supported by people who get it.
Take care,
Shellbelle:)