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Hey NollyM or anyone else that has mood cycles throughout the DAY!

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 3/14/2005 2:08 AM (GMT 0)
I'm sure if I would have read a few more postings I would have found more of you out there, but I got so excited after I read NollyM's that I just had to create a post!

 

Daily cycles-oh thank God!  I really thought I was losing my mind (no pun intended!)-I have bipolar II and am on all the meds, lithium, sereoquel, lexapro and still, still I get these terrible swings!  Most of the time mine tend to be violent or acts of frustration because I don't feel like anyone truly understands what I'm going through and I feel very, very alone.  I lose my temper quickly and I just feel like hitting someone or screaming!!!

 

I tell my doctor and he says that a lot of my mood swings have to do with my environment.  I'm currently unemployed yet trying to keep a household together.  My boyfriend is unreliable and not very patient when it comes to helping me manage my bipolar.  When I feel out of sync with the world I tend to get a little OCD and clean or rearrange things constantly, I feel like if I can create some order somewhere in my life then maybe other areas of my life will fall into place.

 

I forgot to take my medication this morning and it was too late in the afternoon when I realized, to take it then, I'm just waiting about another hour and then maybe my mind will stop racing and the colors won't be so blindingly bright.  I want my boyfriend to come home but at the same time I feel like I'd be better off if I were by myself.

 

Anyway, I'm going off on tangents-any advice on how to deal with mood cycles throughout the day?  Besides cleaning and lying in bed with my covers pulled over my head I don't know a lot of ways to cope!

 

Thanks,

Kelly

Posted 3/29/2005 11:27 PM (GMT 0)

Hi, Kelly - I'm new to the forum, but have dealt with this disorder for about 25 years.  I finally got stable last year. 

Anyway, I felt exactly the way you do when I was on Lexapro.  In fact, I felt that way on ALL SSRIs.  My pdoc kept telling me SSRIs were bad for bipolars, increase or bring on mania but me being the know it all, insisted. 

Finally, I took her suggestion to try Lamictal.  I didn't really think it would work on depression that well.  Whoa!  It took a while to get to the therapeutic dose, but it worked way better than any antidepressant ever did.  No manic type side effects like you describe. 

I understand exactly how you feel - you really should consult your pdoc about it - you probably need an adjustment.  Stay in contact with your doc until you are stable, and watch closely for warning signs.

Posted 3/30/2005 1:29 AM (GMT 0)
Hi There,

 

Thanks so much for the reply.  I have a new pdoc now and I almost had him convinced to let me try life off of anti-depressants and just with the lithium and Seroquel, after this round with Lexapro I really think I'm going to push the issue.

 

A lot of my problems stem from a stressful home environment, I am an unemployed human resources professional trying to hold down a house with my equally stressed out boyfriend who is a high school teacher.  Initially when we moved in together I had a job, but lost it, much I feel due to being bipolar.  Now I am constantly searching for a new job because there is a problem with unemployment, and month after month, we're not sure where we're going to get money.  I can never relax and it just makes things worse.

 

25 years?  How did you manage, that's inspiring to say the least!  If you have any advice on coping strategies (I'm alone ALOT) or diet or exercise recommendations, I'm all ears!

Posted 3/30/2005 2:27 AM (GMT 0)
Hi, Kildew!  I have fought and denied this disorder most of my life, after losing everything including the ability to work without being in the hospital constantly becuase I couln't handle the stress but my wonderful and dedicated husband, I decided it was about time to get fixed.  I thought I could handle the mania, but it turned to psychosis too often and finally my husband after 10 years of it said either I had to listen to my doc and get stable or he couldn't stay.  Well, I love him more than life and couldn't lose him, so I did.  It was hell crashing from my permanent mania and fell into a paralyzing depression that left me unable to even take a shower most days, let alone getting out of bed.  Can't take SSRIs, so only choice was Welbutrin 400 mg a day which did S*** sad But this time I had to get through it.  I was put on Zyprexa and Depakote and gained 60 pounds (I'm 5'9" and weighed 103 pounds due to severe mania).  Still, I was mortified at the weight gain (very vain! LOL)

My hair fell out with depakote - almost all of my bangs and it too made me gain weight.  Switched to Trileptal and Seroquel, neither really affects weight.  They actually worked after adjusting the dose constantly.  It took about 5 months to feel normal, stable.  I had never experienced stable before - WOW!  How nice!  No more irritability, anger, impatience, crazy road rage driving, voices in my head, horrible violent dreams or hideous thoughts. 

My husband of 10 years finally got to know the real me, which he'd only had fleeting glimpses of.  We actually fell in love just like when we were first together.  It's almost like a fairy tale now.  I just can't believe I resisted for soooo long because I thought my mania made me superwoman!  (It actually did at work!)  My mania also caused my sudden unbelievable spending - 50,000 in credit cards over a 3 month period.  My poor husband didn't know, as I handled the finances, and had perfect credit for the last decade.  Now we are bankrupt, but I wouldn't trade my life now for anything.

First, you HAVE to be in constant communication with your pdoc.  Don't wait for your depression/mania to take hold, call at the first sign!!!

Secondly, when you get more stable and out of your depression, you will need to excercise every day and definitely watch what you eat.  I started running last year and lost 35 pounds and have never looked better!

I highly recommend Lamictal 200 mg per day for the best results in the depression part.   It also has a mood stabilizing effect. 

Geez, I have experienced so much and been through so much hell, I couldn't possibly tell you all of it on one post! LOL!

You are more than welcome to email me anytime! :-)    Hang in there!

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