New Poster

I like many other posters have found the words and counsel on this site to be very beneficial. I come from the old school where if you have a problem, you go to work and physically exhaust it out of yourself. Unfortunately, that doesn't help when the person struggling is the one you love more than anyone else. My wife has expressed symptoms very similar to what I have seen individuals with BP have. She enters dark phases of depression as well as is extremely obsessive compulsive at times. Fortunately her depression spells force her into a withdrawal state and not into an abusive or dangerous state as we have six children and they could be at risk. Nonetheless I am at a loss as to what I can say and do in these peaks and valleys to keep the peace. We don't argue but I also don't like to speak with her during these periods as she is extremely demeaning and not really herself. Neither she nor I desire to have her treated for this as we have watched what the medicine path has done to her younger sister that is suffering from similar symptoms. However, I worry that it is getting worse and fear for what it might be like in ten years. I post today merely to vent some feelings that I have been reluctant to share elsewhere due to the lack of understanding by others. I could really care less if this disease in her life is a result of a verbally abusive alcoholic father. I am not looking for a place to blame. I am merely looking for a resolution to a problem and the safe return of my dear wife for 31 days out of the month, not the 15 that we have been getting. Thanks for being an ear.

Neanderthal said...
My wife has expressed symptoms very similar to what I have seen individuals with BP have. She enters dark phases of depression as well as is extremely obsessive compulsive at times. Fortunately her depression spells force her into a withdrawal state and not into an abusive or dangerous state as we have six children and they could be at risk. Nonetheless I am at a loss as to what I can say and do in these peaks and valleys to keep the peace. We don't argue but I also don't like to speak with her during these periods as she is extremely demeaning and not really herself. Neither she nor I desire to have her treated for this as we have watched what the medicine path has done to her younger sister that is suffering from similar symptoms. However, I worry that it is getting worse and fear for what it might be like in ten years.

I have similar problems with my wife. If she is not medicated, there really isn't much you can say or do. It's a disease. You can no more treat this with words, than you can perform surgery with safety scissors and band aids (in other words, you can, but it will end badly ) . Just because professional treatment apparently didn't work with someone else, doesn't mean it won't work with her. Medications are not an exact science and I understand that it can take a long time to get the prescription and dose right. Not to mention wanting to get help.

I do know that it gets worse with age and can be quite sudden. My wife was diagnosed about 3 years ago and I knew before that, that there was a problem, but it was manageable. This past year, it became unmanageable and I came within an inch, of kicking her out and filing for separation and divorce. She is getting treatment and it is improving her behavior back to the point where I think we can work it out. I also realize that this will be something we both have to live with for the rest of our lives, because she first has to find a mix of meds that will work for her and then have to adjust them as needed for the rest of her life. There will also always be the counseling and the threat of (hopefully) sporadic episodes.

If neither of you wish her to be professionally treated, I am not sure there will be much anybody here can say to help, unless venting is all you desire.

Post Edited (ebonyknight) : 5/20/2011 6:32:24 AM (GMT-6)