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Drinkin' Some Beer

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 6/29/2011 6:14 AM (GMT 0)
Don't freakin' hate me. I drank some beer after 2 1/2 years sober in A.A. Been off meds for four months. Have I been manic...No. Have I been depressed...No. Is life hard...yeah... my husband and teen son drinking and smoking pot...yeah....for months now. Job stressful...yeah...horrible manager...every employee quitting and hates her....toxic environment. Son in mental hospital for three days...husband off in altered reality...yet still keeping art job.

Am I bipolar off meds...self-medicating...I think not. I's life a *****...I think yeah. **** it. But I don't want to mess stuff up for my teen son who is trying to make his way through life but he gets ****ed up. He lived with his meth addicted father for 12 years...just came to me last year...ran away. I want to be a responsible...got her crap together mom...but the last two weeks I drank. I loathe A.A. Because it is full of self- righteous bible pushing Christians who disguise their spiritual guru as a Higher Power. Whatever...I just know I can't drink without people getting upset with me...and to be honest with you...I don't know why they are even upset. I guesss me and alcohol don't mix. I get weird and aggressive. That sucks. The buzz was pretty good. I didn't feel the pain and worry and b.s. of life for at least three hours. it felt smooth and carefree...comes with a freakin' price though

Will I go back to A.A.? No way...no more mind control. Will I stop drinking beer...yep.

Sorry to disappoint you all...just a human freakin'n being...being real.
Posted 6/29/2011 11:26 AM (GMT 0)
Red,

So you drank a few beers, big deal. I know sometimes that beer buzz feels very good, I enjoy it myself but I know that if I started doing that every night I would be right back to square one, which is not what I want. I get "out there" too when I drink, for that little bit of time you just feel free from all the pressure of life. Raising kids is never easy, it is not like they come with instruction manuals, you do the best you can, that is it. Toxic job environment, boy can I relate to that! I work with a few women who are in church every time the doors open, always talking about being a Christian and these are the very same people that do not in anyway act in a Christian manner. I think spirituality is a very personal thing and not something to cram down other peoples throats. Actions speak louder than words.

OK girl, you are going to be alright, I am going to be alright. We are, after all, only human, we goof up. But each new day gives us a clean slate, another chance to do what we know in our heart of hearts is right for us and the people we love.

Take care sweetie,

Gem
Posted 6/29/2011 1:55 PM (GMT 0)
Thanks Gem. Yep, I'm going to be alright. Just not going to drink anymore because I can't handle it. Hubby says he can't either and we're going down a bad road if we continue. It's only been a few days of it for me but already things are somewhat chaotic and strange but we will pull it back together.

Oh well, it was sort of fun while it lasted. Drinking always turns out bad for me though.

Thanks for your support, Gem. Thanks for not condemning me. I'm going to be o.k.
Posted 6/29/2011 2:52 PM (GMT 0)
Hi Red (and Gem)

Being bipolar means certain things in life affect us much more than others. For example: Sleep - we need more of it than others Nutrition (including no caffeine and lots of water)-we need this more than others NO STRESS- We need this more than others and I feel that drinking is also something we need to avoid more than others.

I drink when I'm hypomanic or manic. Or sometimes even when I am stable. I of course drink with friends or my partner and I do it to relax and have fun. So even though I know why I drink, I still understand that it affects my mood and health greatly. So sometimes I am strong enough to say no or to go longer periods without drinking at all.

We are not perfect, so Red it is ok that you fell down and it's even better that you talked about it to us. If AA is something you do not feel will help you with this battle, then I hope you can find another way to get peace in your life.

I am keeping you in my thoughts and I hope you are going to take care of yourself. Honestly I can't even imagine going through what you are going through with your family. I hope you have someone professional that you see and can talk to. I think that is very important especially since you are now off meds.

Gem is right; each day is a new day.

Hugs,
Mogs
Posted 6/29/2011 3:31 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Mogli...thanks. Yeah, I have an appt. with a counsellor coming up. Also my husband and son are going to counseling. So...like you and Gem said...today is a new day.

Sleep is important and drinking alcohol means I don't sleep deeply. I feel tired and sick today. I will try to take a nap but I have to clean up this house. It will all get better though. I hope I will feel better soon. ugh

Thanks for your support...
Posted 6/29/2011 6:00 PM (GMT 0)
Red you will feel better, just like I do when I indulge and know it is not right for me. The times I fight the urge and do not drink, the next morning I feel good and I am proud of myself! So glad all people in your life are getting counseling it never hurts, even if it does piss you off once in a while.

Have a good 4th honey, always here for you my med resistance pal, as I am as well.

Gem
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