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Posted 7/5/2011 11:56 PM (GMT 0)
My fiance left for a 6 day fishing trip.  I thought I'd be OK, but I'm NOT.  He was waiting for the guys to pick him and I started crying!  Not sobbing, just rolling tears.  Right before he left I said, "I'm not crying because you're leaving, I'm crying because I'm afraid to be alone.  I know what can happen.  If I text you that I am going to [city], come home."  He's like ....huh?  "That's the nearest psych unit."  Oh.

Crying is past.  Typing everything out has calmed me, but I'm really about to lose it.  Dizzy, blurred vision, shortness of breath, headache.  ........

I'm back.  Couldn't stand up, got my lovely amazing service dog to help me into the bathroom and take some clonazepam.

I feel like ****.  And this is only the first HOUR.  skull

Posted 7/6/2011 12:30 AM (GMT 0)
OK, OK, ok, ok, ok, k

Working on a 1/2 gallon of fluids. Air conditioning on. Much, much, much better.

I forgot some meds... on Seroquel withdrawal too. fun, fun. And have a sucky sore throat.

At least I can sit up, stand up, walk... I'm gonna go pick up my son. He's been at my neighbor's since she knew I was having a bad night. Love her!!
Posted 7/6/2011 2:06 AM (GMT 0)
Chatted with my neighbor for quite a while. My dog alerted me to time and I took meds. My son is in bed and I am officially OK for tonight. I work in the morning. Good to get me up on time. XOXO
Posted 7/9/2011 3:49 AM (GMT 0)
I'm OK. Spent the time in my hometown. :)
Posted 7/9/2011 10:11 AM (GMT 0)
Well done tortoise for reaching out and working through it... how are you now? how is your son? which people in your support system are you linking in with at the moment? You've got the best dog. Give her a hug from me.
Jade x
Posted 7/9/2011 1:14 PM (GMT 0)
My son is with his dad for the weekend. I was on thin ice for a while. Off meds for 48+ hrs, not eating, sleeping <5 hrs at night, shopping A LOT, and almost got a tattoo. But I'm OK now. Home. Going to a 4H dog project thing with my neighbors this morning and then HOME to clean up before my fiance gets home! :)

My dog was awesome, with me the whole time. Got me started back on taking meds. Good girl. :)

I did a lot of errands so I feel good about the last couple days. This morning feels good. Cool, cloudy weather. Feel calm. Going to do something a bit stimulating and then chill out.
Posted 7/10/2011 1:01 AM (GMT 0)
good on you torroise. you keep me motivated, jamie.
Posted 7/10/2011 2:04 AM (GMT 0)
I wondered if your fiance was coming home early, so I looked at the date stamps and realised you were hanging out there on you own all that time!!! I didn't realise that thread was you updating us. I saw it progressing - and assumed you were having a good exchange with someone. I just wanted to let you know I do care and it was a plain oversight on my part. Possibly you can put "crisis" or something more alerting in the subject line next time so I can know it is more serious? "scared" to me seems like processing everyday kind of fears during daily life, if that makes sense. Anyway, the way you managed the experience has probably given you a lot of confidence to get through those tough times next time they occur, as they always do in everyone's life. Hugs. x
Posted 7/10/2011 4:11 AM (GMT 0)
Today was my nieghbor's 4H dog project fun match. She took 1st place with 194/200 points! Proud of all the work she has put into training over the last 6 months. County fair and the final dog show is Wednesday. We're sorting out her clothes, grooming the dog. My dog is bleached from sun, so she is getting dyed purple, then gold sparkle on Monday.

Tonight I have been cleaning slowly and my project is mixing up homemade chalks for chalkfest. I'm excited about it.

My fiance will be home tomorrow afternoon. I have indoor cleaning to do. Try to finish garden transplanting. It will be a busy morning, but good. Tying up loose ends.

I am thankful to have avoided depression this time.

The next stress is getting ready for vacation to Canada. Then Chalkfest. It will be good stress. Last year, my fiance proposed while on our Canada vacation and it set me off into a big rapid cycling pattern. That's when my medication cocktail got so complicated.
Posted 7/10/2011 6:50 PM (GMT 0)
****

I flipped into mild depression. Slept until now... when my fiance got home from his trip. NOTHING done around the house which makes me feel even worse.
Posted 7/11/2011 8:15 PM (GMT 0)
I slept most of yesterday.  I finally ate some FOOD.  (Besides yogurt and string cheese).  My fiance was pissed off with me about the messy house.  I cleaned a little bit and went back to bed.

I am better today.  Spent most of it dying my dog's hair.  I'm exhausted again and going to sleep some more.  Trying to decide if I should eat something or clean something first.

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