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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 8/22/2011 5:50 AM (GMT 0)
My biological clock has been crazy for the last year.  NOW, My sister-in-law just had a baby.  A coworker just had a baby.  My sister is pregnant.  My best friend is pregnant.

My fiance thinks pregnancy is "not plausible" because of meds, etc.  BUT, he won't go to a pdoc appt. to find out what options are.  Frustrating.  I was alive and kicking for 20 years of bipolar without meds.  And I had atrocious habits and no therapy.  I've learned alot how to take care of myself.  Yes, being off meds is totally scary.  But also I had ZERO bipolar symptoms while I was pregnant with my (now 4 yr old) son.  But no 2 pregnancies are the same and I might not experience that.

My pdoc says that some meds are OK to be on while pregnant.  My fiance (veterinarian.  read = advanced medical degree and understanding of internal medicine, pharmacology with a copy of the PDR) disagrees. 

He won't consider adoption because he thinks the process take to long. 

I am sad and my heart is hurting when I see my family and friends with their little ones.  I need closure.

Posted 8/22/2011 7:15 AM (GMT 0)
Maybe you don't need closure. Maybe you need a baby.

Only you can decide what is right for you and you are the expert on pregnancy, childbirth and early motherhood for you.

Just because you have bipolar doesn't mean you don't know what is right for you. If your fiance doesn't want a child, he needs to own that decision for himself rather than trying to make it out to be something about your illness. Sure, he might genuinely be concerned, but he may be crossing a boundary (no amount of medical training and health makes him an expert on you). Your needs and desires are no less important, or more irrational, than his just because the owner of them (you) isn't a doctor, or 100% healthy.

I know you guys have a brilliant relationship - but if it's a baby you want, that kind of desire should not be dismissed offhand. You are an adult woman and provided you are not hypo/manic, your desire should be taken as seriously as any other woman who wants another baby.

I don't know if I have been of any help, but you will know deep down in your heart whether it is a good or bad thing.

The other thing is if one partner wants another child and the other one doesn't, it is very difficult to have half a child as a compromise... you're partner's feeling is important too. Both of you need to get your needs met. The trick is whether you can do that together without cutting off too much of yourselves... all relationships involve some compromise.
Posted 8/24/2011 3:47 AM (GMT 0)
We've got some significant tension going in our relatinship right now. Do you think that our brief exchanges about potential child(ren) are making him withdraw and be all crabby? Maybe it is unrelated. I'm working on staying well through this stress.
Posted 8/24/2011 9:19 AM (GMT 0)
All healthy relationships go through times of tension... it shows that there are two individual negotiating what they want in the relationship and their lives - not two people cutting off parts of themselves to be in a relationship that doesn't represent who they are at their core. You seem to be dealing with one of those tense times remarkably - focusing on the self care stuff for you. Men mightn't get PMT but they certainly have their own times of crabbiness too. Maybe try to focus on enjoying each moment and look at the joy and beauty you have in your life Tortoise... that might help keep you buoyant while the storm clouds are hanging around. He's prolly still formulating his feelings himself and will talk to you when he finds the words to articulate them. Thinking of you x
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