Help Wife needs to be more positve negative energy is killing me!!!

Hi, I married my wife a month and a half ago.  She didn't have violent outburst towards me and promised she would try to start living healthier, ie: stop smoking exercise not drink as much (she's violent drunk).  I understood before the marriage, that she had her issues with incest, fostercare,self-esteem, Previous domestic violene abuse, drug abuse, and had a bad reputation for doing things to get money for her drug use.  Since we've gotten married I've stopped going to my GA meetings, which help me and my gambling problem(and self esteem and positive outlook) emensly.  Stopped working out, and started smoking and drinking alot more.  She hasn't worked out or quit smoking, and I don't like to hear of her complain of preventable health problems at 26, and diabetes is in her family heavily.  I try to get her to go to a sself help program like NA, AA or counseling because she acknowledges she has a self-esteem problem.  She will spend more time and energy going through my phone or calling back an old female friend that calls( that I'm not interested in) then with me.  We were married after only 2 months of knowing each other, I know it was a short time but I felt like if she was sincere in her desire to better herself, that nothing or little else could go wrong.  She has made an improvement over when we first met but I feel like part of the past she still wants to hang on to.  The problem with that is these are negative influences like a friend and co-defendent in prison or talking about her 1st husband who she claims beat her but, I've heard her tell him she loves him in front of me, and she blaims it on being drunk.  She says its about her kids that were given up for adoption that they can't see.  I don't understand why the state can't telll him or ask me to tell him.  She also talks to her dad daily and claims he repeatedly molested her.  She says she forgives him.  I don't think she should even talk to him especially not as much, and especially not telling him (or anybody else our dirty laundry).  I woke up she cooked eggs and snapped because I started eating them and said fine eat them both.  the next day she tells me not to eat them, I cook my own, she snaps, and cusses at me when water gets on the stove and my mom doesnt cuss at me or get mad and it was her stove, plus water is harmless.  She ask for affection but says something negative or has an attitude most of the time.  Is there any way to get her to go to some type of counseling and what type?  She knows she has an anger problem.  she can blame it on the alcohol or whatever, she runs down the road and starts fighting a girl running away because, a guy the girl was with said something.  somebody please help, any advice will be appreciated.

You are going to get support here whichever way you go. But I agree, two months isn't long enough to get to know somebofy. It sounds like she has anger issues and doesn't trust you. And it sounds like you don't really trust her either. Trust is such an important factor in a relationship. Her moods are going to be hard to live with until she gets counseling or meds to control them. I agree, it is a difficult situation. And you may need to handle it with kid's gloves. It sounds like she gets set off easy. Oh and don't compare her to your mom. Huge mistake....

Best wishes for this situation. I wouldn't expect breakfast from her either. lol... Sounds like the eggs were intended for her. What made you start smoking? Because she was? Or did you use to smoke? Bad habit to pick up once you have quit. Don't take it lightly, it is important to quit.

I do agree too that you have to take care of your health issues before you can help her with hers. But it would be best if she took care of her own. If she doesn't care about herself, she really can't care about anything else either.

Hugs, Karen