Posted 9/20/2011 6:22 PM (GMT 0)
Hey Gem, Hey I.G.,
No I'm not on the asthma forum but it is really weird...That today I just happened to check in with this site and there you were!
I am still off meds. I was injured on my job and have been at home for two months. I have an appeal date for a denied workmens comp claim set in Oct.
I had a bad boss who has since been fired but she hurt my case by lying to workmens comp. It has been rough going.
The reason I checked in today is because I am possibly a bit unstable but I don't know if it's me or my situation.
My 18 year old has a problem with cocaine. He wrecked my husbands truck to the tune of 2500.00 and hit a parked car. He has a job and is paying us back. He goes to the local college and lives with us but he stays out all night. My husband got into bath salts which are a legal meth that you can buy at smoke
shops in some states. He has stopped now because I found out. He is doing
well at his job and our marriage is pretty good.
For the past two months I have tried four different spiritual paths, I have decided to be a world traveller, then an artist, then a writer, then a Reiki healer, then a tarot reader, then a librarian, an office worker, a housewife...each facsination lasts two to three days. I tried qi-gong and the group turned out to be a cult so I quit, I tried al-anon and though retained and am using much of the wisdom found my new sponsor to be a total black and white thinker...so I quit. I am now working with angels and meditation. I am a wind person...so I do shift a lot but I am frustrated with all the new ventures turning sour so quickly.
Yesterday I wanted to leave this planet, I hated people, I was rude at the Drs. Office to the receptionist and had to call back today and apologise...I feel hopeless and cry a bit. However...this may be spirit telling me that I need to stop seeking outside myself and be o.k. With just being who I am. Perhaps it is the nothingness that is the calm in the storm.
I did go to pdoc. Three weeks ago and he gave me a script for lamictal but I have not taken it because I am not sure if I need to. I am confused. Lamictal made me chubby and spaced out. Perhaps I was more stable though but I am still holding out. Occassionally I take a klonipin...but rarely.
Yesterday I decided to withdraw from people because I hated them and I sought to be a hermit and discussed selling the house and moving further out with my husband but there is no further out in Las Vegas...just desert and it is pricey to do that. So I am wondering if I should keep on with no meds and just realize that this is a difficult passage and I need to be grateful for what I have and be happy just being and doing simple things instead of creating a career....or if I am being a stubborn, unstable bp person who won't take meds!
I know Drs. Are doing there best but there is so much about diagnosis that is unscientific and the drug companies manipulate the Drs. and well...yes I probably am bipolar...but today I do not feel suicidal. Sometimes it is just life and life can be difficult. There is no pill for that !