Hiya everyone,
I'm so sorry if this is wrong to do, but I'm so confused! I think I have bi-polar, i've been different to everyone else for so many years but I've never had the strength to talk to anyone, typing is easy but talking face-to-face I can't do, I get a lump in my throat which actually hurts and the words never come out. I've wanted so badly to blurt everything out for so long.. so heres me..
I have terrible mood swings, I can cry over the slightest little thing, like bread.. or today a brownie. Like literally to the point I want to self-harm which I can't do any more because it upsets my boyfriend too much and he doesn't understand I don't do it to seek help or to kill myself its a relief..
But then other times I'm so happy I could bounce up and down just because of a text, but mostly especially now I just feel lower than low, I have such a poor memory to the point I struggle sometimes to think straight let alone think of what day of the week I went shopping for example. I'm so paranoid, especially when it comes to my boyfriend, I can't help it but I've got through his phone and its so wrong and I hate myself so much, but I get myself into such a state of worrying its unbearable. I look over my shoulder.
I also suffer from panic attacks which are happening more and more frequently, and then they'll calm down for a bit and I'll feel better only for them to get worse.
I'm constantly getting wound up so easily and I snap just because someone may have not listened to me..
Argh.. I could go on for ages, but this is a little snippet, I just wanted peoples advice, is this all like the doctor who (by the way has only let me say half of this) thinks its like to do with hormones, or is it something more?
And again, I'm so sorry for writing this if i wasn't supposed too...
:(