Upswing/Mixed/RapidCycling

Somewhat moderated today. I did get tired around midnight. AND (!!!) I fell asleep in the morning. Sleep keeps me somewhat regulated. Losing sleep is a big deal for me.

I woke up 10 minutes after my scheduled therapy appointment! Oops! If I no-show, she won't see me again. I called and made it in time for 1/2 a session. We talked a little about giving up my dog. But mostly about shopping/ spending too much money/ and why. Turns out to be I'm not looking at the product, but daydreaming about what I will do with it and how it will make me feel. To be continued in 2 weeks.

I am working this afternoon - saving me from going shopping again. Actually, I was going to visit the shelter with my fiance's dog and see if he gets along with the dog I want to adopt. I don't know why. I already know how each do will respond. I need to shut up and wait to see if my application is approved. I don't think I wall know before Thanksgiving. Which really should be fine - I could't take her before the holiday since we will be traveling.

I'm at work - I hurried to be here for a 1:00 appointment. They are 15 min. late now. I have a tight schedule this afternoon. Not cool. I'm hoping for no shows! ::)

I had a really hard time logging in! I hope no one else is having the same problem.

I get a voicemail from the animal shelter. Said that the board of directors had met about my application, and to call back so we could talk about things. ??? Do you think that is approved or denied? I am hoping approved and the things to talk about is our golden retriever meeting the potential new dog, and my fiance meeting her too. Plus scheduling when to pick her up?

My hands started shaking when I heard the message. I called back left a message. ::) Now waiting. I hate waiting.

I just don't want to do something I will regret.

 

 Sorry tortoise. SOunds like you are in a rough patch.

 One trick i have used succesffully over the years is that when i buy something on impulse, i tape the reciept to the item. Then in a few days i can return it and get my money back. It helps break the cycle of depression. "I spend, I get depressed that i spent, I then feel bad, i then spend again"

   Bill

I sorta survived the holiday. Cycling a little. Upswing gone. Fighting depression and self harm thoughts. Still safe - haven't done anything stupid. Now to get through the weekend. :/

My fiance and I went shopping today. Rare for him to get him out to a shopping mall anytime... especially on a Saturday near Christmas! We picked out a family ornament, we get 1 ornament each year. This year was a family of reindeer. I managed to escape to Victoria's Secret while he was in Scheel's. I usually can't go because my son is with me! I spent too much money there. I don't go there often, maybe once or twice a year, and I usually spend between $150-200 when I do go. We went to TJMaxx too. HE started shopping! lol funny. I have a favorite sweater I bought last year at a thrift store - I found the same sweater there in 5 colors! I picked out 3. He picked out clothes for himself and my son, so he paid for those. :) Stopped at BAM! to get a Christmas gift for a neighbor.

We are tired and happy to be home. My fiance made a really nice supper. I cleaned out my closet and started laundry. I'm taking my "break", online and listening to music on headphones.

No appetite for supper. Not normal. Not physically sick. I was exhausted earlier, but I feel wired now. No feeling good about that.

I was thinking that I would wait a couple of days before I call my Dr. Since holiday stress is the problem, hopefully that stress being gone would solve it? (Unlikely, I know)

I'm hoping I can sleep tonight. A late night up would swing me into depression. I'm really unstable. I nearly cried over rolling out tortilllas for supper! My fiance took a turn and his lack of success had us laughing, thankfully.

We all played Legos after supper. Nice to spend time as a family.

I went shopping today and bought my wedding dress at a ridiculously low price. Fun. Thinking about meeting with a friend to alter it, playing dress-up, making a veil together. Then the fun of surprising our families with a surprise wedding. Happy thoughts, unfinished tasks, big ideas, all things that elevate mood. I didn't intend to buy the dress today, but with such an awesome price I could not resist.

Here's the dress: http://www.flickr.com/photos/49823636@N08/6415610821/

Hi Tortoise,

What an amazing dress :) Hope you are feeling more stable today. We are all in that time of year where this battle gets a lot tougher, that is for sure.

Do all you can to get sleep and I LOVE Bill's idea about the receipts...Bill I am stealing that idea!

Hugs,
Mogs

Yay for the relaxation technique you used!!! Awesome stuff! Amazing how much it works eh? Are you tired today because your mood is low or from meds? You said you slept well so wondering where the tiredness is coming from?

I hear ya. Those two things definitely make you tired.

Definitely get some sleep whenever you can!

Good for you for doing all you can to get the rest you really need. Hope today is better.

Yeah, I get lower doses when I'm stable.  Seroquel is usually the first one to go up.

I fell asleep OK last night but was WIDE AWAKE early.  5 a.m. ish.

This morning I am hyperfocused and very efficient.  I finished my bride's bouquet and and getting started stitching pearls onto my headpiece.  Finished work early - in 1 hour.  Usually takes me 3 hours.

I'm worried what will happen when I don't have something to do.

I'm getting very anxious about my bellydance performance on Saturday. Ready to quit, but I can't. I am dizzy and sick to my stomach today. I had to take a nap at work, so now I'm stressed out about getting done one time. My fiance had to run an errand and pick up a snack for me.

I don't know if I'm more stressed out than I think I am or if I am getting sick. I took Klonopin this morning, but I can't tell a difference.

I am far better than I used to be. Years ago multiple times daily, not maybe 2 or 3 times in a year.

I slept more at work. Feeling better. I believe I am feeling sick from stress. I have one appointment left this afternoon. Easy dog, nice owner. The high maintenance ladies from this morning were happy, huge relief.

I can't wait to get home, write out a list of everything stressing me out, listen to my fav music, meditate, sleep, play piano, take some more meds. I feel helpless stuck at work!