Am I rapid cycling/ having a mixed episode?

I've read the criteria for what qualifies as rapid cycling and a mixed episode. But I'm still confused (which could also be a sign because my concentration sucks right now).

I felt great the first 2 weeks when my doctor added Wellbutrin (I was extremely depressed). Now I'm feeling an impending sense of doom, racing thoughts, crying at silly things on TV, complete lack of confidence that I can return to work. I also started cleaning obsessively today. I keep looking around thinking of what I can do to organize. I'm not a neat freak at all, so this is out of character for me.

I think it all started last Saturday. I felt SO tired and felt the need to withdraw even though I had an event to attend. I made it through the event, but I'm getting scared that I'll get depressed again.

I was actually in the best mood on Friday. I was making plans to go to this concert with friends. I also contacted a friend I have spoken to in ages and gave my phone number to meet up.

I've had to take my sleeping pills the past few days. Previously I haven't needed them.

In a way I feel like I did before I was diagnosed and put on mood stabilizers. I was often up and down in one day. Going through periods of extreme productivity and then crashing and being depressed.

I'm confused:/

My psychiatrist isn't that hands on. She said I should decrease the Wellbutrin dosage if I started rapid cycling. But I was so depressed so I'm scared to do that. Maybe I'll up the Seroquel since she was letting me experiment on my own;p

I'm seeing my psychologist next week. She is great but she doesn't integrate the medical model at all. She doesn't even like me using the words manic or bipolar. It's weird since the DSM was our bible when I was a clinical psych major and she works in a hospital ward.

The Sandusky sexual abuse case got more coverage today with more survivors coming forward. All of this has been very triggering for me. On the one hand it makes me sad to watch. But it also makes me feel really validated when the legal and medical experts comment on how wrong everyone around Sandusky was. So many parallels with my story and for most people who've been abused I'm sure.

The email from my mother is burning a hole in my inbox. I just don't know what to say to her. I know that I'm not in the right frame of mood to talk to her about all of this. But she keeps bugging me, especially with the holidays coming up. I don't want to explode and not get my feelings across in an appropriate way.

spinal soldier said...
it is common to add a benzo or ambien like meds the first couple weeks of Wellbutrin therapy because it is a stimulant. you are on a low dose but maybe it is not a good med for you if you feel nervous or edgy. it can help concentration but the dose is probably to low. i think Effexor or Pristiq may help concentration and be more of a tranquil med. a new FDA approved med for ADHD gaunfacine a drug similar to clonidine may help several of your symptoms. low dose dextroamphetamine may be ok because it does not cause nervousness like adderall.

Pristiq made me manic, so I can't go back there. Do you think it will be better if I increase my wellbutrin dosage? I've been on 300mg before. But that was when doctors didn't know what to do with me and I had so much going on that I can't remember what the effect was.

I'll admit to playing around with dex, adderall, and ritalin when I was in university studying for exams;p I distinctly remember feeling like I wanted to pull out all my hair on adderall and ritalin. But dex just gave me a boost. So it's interesting you say that.

I don't think asking for dex will go down well with my psychiatrist though. It will be like 'I think I'm rapid cycling. Please give me some dex aka speed!'

I do have my benzos though. Thank goodness for them. I don't know why so many doctors are terrified of benzos. Sometimes you just have to do what works.