Got a Puppy!

An old friend has a moyen poodle puppy for sale.  I got all the info, asked all the questions.  Talked to my fiance and showed him a picture.  I got a collar/leash set (saved the receipt!!).  Had a money order made out.  Now to wait and think and make a good decision.  I know the puppy is an excellent value for the price.   I know how to raise a puppy.  I talked to my fiance about if I'm healthy enough for the puppy challenge.  :)  I am making  better choice than my last dog (service dog).  She was way to intense for me. I love intesity in a dog, but I couldn't exercise her enough when I was unwell and she started acting out.  Not her fault.  This puppy will have intensity, but also an "off switch", lower need for exercise, and can be exercised inside.  When I got the last dog, I was torn between a standard (big) poodle and a lab.  I thought my fiance would not like a poodle, so I got the lab.  Turned out to be a bad choice, and found out my fiance would have been fine with a poodle.  Funny how that works out.  Last time I was well and overestimated what I could do when I started having problems.

I feel balanced and clear-thinking.  I can't think of a reason why I shouldn't buy this puppy.  (Maybe you can?)

Wow tortoise do I feel guilty,
I got a lab mix and on a lot of days I just have,well, bad and am unable to walk her. I wish so bad I had gotten a smaller dog.. Thank god I have my bf to walk her when I can't. I think having a dog is essential to being human..good luck with the dog, I think it is a great decision, just hope "it" is mellow..

Not sure what is going to happen. He says no dog is worth the money of this, and he's trying to tell me how much I should value something. Umm no. I've gotten screwed over dozens of times by trying to do the right thing or get a cheap dog. I wasted A LOT more money that way. I'd rather pay more up front and get a good dog. (A good dog is really hard to find.)

The reason I haven't already gotten it is trying to respect him, his dog, his house. 2 years ago I would not have given it a second thought. I'm trying to be better and it's biting me in the butt.

I asked him to tell me what he thought and he ended up fixating on 2 points and then trying to shove his point of view down my throat. No thank you. After I calmed down, I told him in return for asking for his opinion [on something we disagree on], I expect to be heard. I was upset with racing and repetitive thoughts, wrote it down and printed it out for him. He will probably read it, but probably not try to understand why I value a good dog.

He thinks my value system is wrong. He grew up in a financially comfortable family. I grew up with my parents not knowing if they would be able to go grocery shopping. My siblings and I got 2 pairs of jeans per YEAR. We got Keds instead of real shoes. I’ve lived without “essentials” like hot water, a refrigerator, a phone, a car, heat, or toilet paper. I KNOW the value of a dollar. You learn that when you don't have one! He doesn't understand my value on having a (good) dog. He thinks it's not worth the money and that I can get a dog at the shelter. (I have been checking petfinder and craigslist daily for weeks, maybe months.) I've had over 20 rescued pets and all but one were disaster. I've bought 3 breeder dogs, 2 were amazing and one puppy matured into poor (dangerous) temperament and was euthanized. the puppy was "back yard bred". So from good breeders, I'm at 2 of 2. And for rescues I'm at 0 for 20+ Yeah, I put a lot of value - and money - on a good dog. Not priceless. I set a maximum, and this puppy IS at the maximum. I wouldn't pay $200 more, and that was almost an issue, as their prices are usually higher.

I am frustrated. I don't feel heard. I feel like "no good dead goes unpunished", like I would be better off just getting the puppy and not telling him details. Not that it would be good longterm for our relationship. There's only so much of that a person would tolerate, right?

Go for it tortoise!!!.  My wife and I bought a puppy only last week we have named him Bracken.  I am unwell at the moment but his unconditional love and presence in a great comfort to me.

He is a cockadoodle bought from a breeder ( i too have had rescue dogs, very loveable but came with a host of problems).  I think $200 is a bargain - we paid £475 british sterling - but worth every penny as we say in the UK.

Take care.  Keep Sharing.

Peter.

I knew something was wrong; you're usually posting every day to someone.

$1,000. is expensive unless you plan to breed the dog and
have puppies for sale through the Vet's office. Gee, I guess your fiance' is a little worried, Tortoise.

I suppose it's a really important decision you're going to have to make.

Take care.

I.G.

Post Edited (It's Genetic) : 1/13/2012 3:13:12 PM (GMT-7)

Wow. This has come 'round to the conflict I almost left him over. And HE wanted to try again. Besides going to couples counseling, and some small changes there... not working. I am angry and so frsutrated.

Oops - getting my car fixed Tuesday. I was really tired when I posted.

Think seriously about returning the wedding rings and getting the puppy.

Ok, ummm... wow again. We managed to have a conversation. :) That makes me super happy. I sent an email saying I was at the end of my patience about lack of communication. Reminded that I almost left him once because of it. (For those who missed, I had a moving truck in the driveway and was filling it). Reminded him that he was the one who wanted a second chance.

So we ended up talking over football. I offered a sex favor as reward for 5 minutes of conversation, lol. Tried to keep some humor in it. He told me more about why he doesn't think people should pay for a dog. We talked about my ability to take care of a puppy. His primary concern was money. My primary concern was taking care of it. I expressed that we will likely be married in 5 months and after that I won't have freedom to make a high-$ decision on my own. He decided he will not come with and do a health exam before I buy it. He said he doesn't want to pay for vet bills, which is a little but funny but I don't care. I still get half-off employee pricing. I know that he is going to be angry. He expressed concern about how much money I will spend on stuff for the puppy (valid concern, I buy too many dog toys). He teased that I should pay him $1000 for tolerating the puppy, lolol. I negotiated him down to a sex favor every day for 6 months, lol.

I cannot tell you the relief I felt from the conversation. I think he felt like he was heard and understood. He heard me, but my reasoning doesn't make sense to him.

I called to meet the puppy tomorrow. There's no obligation to buy, but I'm bringing the money with. Now I'm feeling a rush of excitment. I am chanelling it into finishing up some housework. Trying to calm myself. Trying to think logically about the challenges of raising a puppy and how I will take care of them.

It really helped me to hear from several people both here and IRL that they understand why I want the pup even though the $ is high. Thank you.

Now I can stop fighting against other people and think if I really want to do this. I can back out if I want to. :)

Hey Tortoise, I've been reading each instalment your thread, but did not want to try to influence the way things worked their way through. There were so many factors that only you could wade your way through.

Firstly, congratulations on your puppy, and for making a decision for yourself and not allowing the relationship to eliminate something you really wanted for yourself, out of your life.
I sense your decision was slightly elevated, but that is not necessarily a bad thing in itself. Depression can also have us eliminate things we want for ourself out of our life. A bit of hypomania can counterbalance that - as we still aim toward the centre of maximum balance and stability.

If marriage vows will obliterate your financial independence, I would recommend not getting married. Realistically, the relationship seems to have been in deep trouble for a while now, so why go deeper into commitment before those issues are fully resolved? Might not be what you want to hear, but it's hard to see those things when we are the ones in the relationship and there are soooooooo many emotions involved for us. From my personal experience, marrying into a conflictual relationship actually helps that relationship to end. Marriage brings clarity and a sense "do I want to put up with this forever more???" Messy divorces are so much more traumatic than separations. But that is just my own personal experience, not necessarily what yours will be.

Most decisions involve both partners, that isn't unusual. Many threads about getting an animal will involve the relationships with peeps closest to us. What is unusual is the degree of differing needs that you and your partner seem have on an ongoing basis. It might be worthwhile to establish what are the similar values and similar wants and desires, similar goals that you two can work on together rather than exhaust yourselves fighting over stuff you will never agree on??? I'm not trying to bust your bubble. I think you are an amazing, creative, thoughtful, lively woman. Even if your partner of choice doesn't appreciate your expansiveness, I hope you make sure you have others in your life that you can be appreciated for zest for life, to compensate. You seem to be a very genuine person who deserves to be embraced for the unique person you are. Enjoy that puppy! :)

I'm a straight shooter. I hope I haven't been too blunt xxx

Tortoise

I have 2 shetland sheepdogs one weighs 15 lbs and one weighs 28 lbs.

Alot of grooming and alot of vacuuming. LOL

Enjoy your pup. They are wonderful.

Soft Hugs
Betsey

No shedding for this dog. But our golden retriever sheds wnough for 2 dogs!

Pretty low-key, huh? Inherited a good nervous system, no doubt.

What does he look like, Tortoise? Brown, white? Mixture? How large
will he be when grown? How old is he now?

Just another pet lover.

I.G.

Another benefit of this pup is recommecting with an old friend. We met through dog training and our lives are eerily parallel to each other. I'm getting support and motivation to do the daily training.

Jet is fitting in nicely and my fiance is not as crabby about it as I expected. He still clearly doesn't like anything about the situation though.

I am still OK as far as mood. I don't think I am more excited or fixated than any other person that just got a puppy. It is taking a lot of my energy, and I'm working A LOT more which also me tired.

I am feeling proud of myself now. Been really good on walking Jet (puppy) outside often. A couple little mistakes in the house, but mostly my fault for not getting my boots on fast enough and/or not picking him up when I put my boots on.

Has turned out to be a cool little dog. The low maintenance I need plus the spunk and intensity that I like.

Definitely worth every penny ;)