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Coping with Overwhelmed and Avoidance

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Bipolar Disorder
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Posted 1/24/2012 9:31 PM (GMT 0)
I am really bad about avoiding stress.  Today I'm fighting it.  I wrote down everything I wanted to do in avoidance and found a reasonable time to do it.

Now that I'm not running away, I don't know what to do.

I have not been going to the gym and have a lot of guilt and shame because of it.

We started stripping and refinishing kitchen cabinets.  It is a HUGE project that is going slowly and is stressing me out.  My parents owned a furniture refinishing shop and I worked for them through my teen years.  So I know what I'm doing.  I'm completely overwhelmed.  And I'm frustrated and ANGRY at the slow pace, because I know how long it should take when you have the professional equipment. 

I got done with work early and have not picked up my son from the sitter because of indecision, not knowing what to do.

I AM ******* COLD!  I' turning up the heat beause I'm so angry I don't care any more.  It's 58 degrees in here.  I am wearing my winter coat and under a blanket.  And I'm still shivering and my hands are purple.  I don't do well with being cold.  It prompts depression, in as little as 30 minutes.  I have bad memories associated with being cold.  My parent's furnace went out every year and the water froze too.  This was during a period of BAD depression too.  After years and years of my dad trying to fix he furnace, finally he called a repairman.  Turned out the thing was RECALLED, my dad was too cheap, broke, and stubborn to find out.  I have a lot of anger about that.  Cold = unloved, in my mind.

I already took klonopin as soon as I realized I was in avoidance.  Now I'm going to turn up the heat and try to get warm.

Then I don't know what to do.  There is the cabinets project, and going to the gym that are stressing me out bad enough that I want to drive 100 miles to go see a friend and go shopping instead.  I'm not going on the trip until Friday.  I've already WASTED 3 hours of my day being upset about this.

Posted 1/25/2012 3:10 AM (GMT 0)
I ended up taking 0.5 mg Klonopin every 2 hours - 3 doses. I wrote a lits of everything on my mind. I crossed off something that should wait until later. I broke down some things into pieces.

Like first I found all my gym stuff. Then I put on my gym clothes before supper. After that it was easy to go. :) I had some paperwork to do. Divided it up and got a lot done.

I took the rest of the list and spread it out over 2 days. I have all my local errands tomorrow. Go see my friend and do city errands Thursday. Then Friday I will have uninterrupted to work on the cabinets.

Deciding what was unimportant was big. To forgive myself. To make a note that I can finish my knitting project when the cabinet are done. To PUT THEM AWAY so I'm not always reminded and feeling bad. I cleaned a lot of things to clear awy the visual clutter - and the dialogue in my head that goes with.

Then breaking things up into MANAGEABLE chunks. Manageable for my current mental state. That helped a lot! I did whatever chunks I could do immediately.

Then I started a to-do list for the next 2 days. Fitting in work, errands, and the fun "escape" things I wanted to do. Now I have a sensible list of things to do, I'm prepared, and I think both days will be fun.

I hope this helps someone else who is overwhelmed.
Posted 1/25/2012 5:42 AM (GMT 0)
Sounds like you did a great job figuring it all out. Do you have to put your knitting away or can you allow yourself 15 mins as a little reward for handling your day with grace?
Posted 1/25/2012 7:18 AM (GMT 0)
great work tortoise. am inspired, jamie.
with much healing compassion 2 you.
~jamie
Posted 1/25/2012 10:16 PM (GMT 0)
 

  Hey tortoise, glad you figured things out. The best answers are the ones we figure out for ourself.

  I stopped caring about alot of stressfull things awhile ago. I dont mean that in a bad way. i mean that i finally learned to let things go and focus down to the most important things that i need to worry about.

    Glad to hear you are feeling better.

  Bill

Posted 1/25/2012 10:50 PM (GMT 0)
Funny how sometimes we find our own answers. :) That's why I recommend journaling so much.

Today was the first list of errands. I am worn out. I'll have to finish my story later.
Posted 1/27/2012 2:39 PM (GMT 0)
I apologise for not catching that post sooner. I hope nobody was upset by it.
Posted 1/27/2012 5:20 PM (GMT 0)
No worries. What would posses someone to do that? How could that possible feel good? I am so thankful for this forum. It helps in so many ways.
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