I don't feel comfortable in my own skin right now!!!

It's even hard to just sit still and type this. I keep wiggling my fingers half way through my sentences tonight. I feel like I need to be moving and still at the time! It's driving me insane! My whole body is jittery, my heart is pounding, I just want to scream! (Which doesn't help). I get like this sometimes. I usually let it run it's course, but that can sometimes take hours! And I go through different phases...

It's like...
Really depressed
Really angry
Crying because I'm yelling at myself
Angry for crying. Because it's obviously not helping
Hyper, Jittery, need to be moving CONSTANTLY!!!
Paranoia
Crying (because I can't figure out what's wrong)
etc. till it's over.

I've tried meds, Journals, Breathing exercises, therapy.
Punching bag "Helps" especially when I'm really angry, but it seems to just be an avoidance thing. When I start punching things (Walls, lockers, punching bags) It makes me just not feel anymore. After I'm done, I just tend to feel dead on the inside, followed typically by me going to bed. I have blacked out during periods of extreme anger and have had moments where there are chunks of memory gone.

There's many more details, but right now this seems like enough.

I DO feel like I occasionally exhibit "different personalities" I have been told I have MPD, Bi-Polar (and "Rapid Cycle Bipolar"), Borderline Personality, etc. I wasn't sure if this was a Bi-polar topic, or Anxiety topic. All I know is that I feel like I'm constantly at war internally. Like I constantly have to validate my emotions, not just to other people, but to myself. Like I have to convince myself that I'm feeling the proper emotion based on a situation... I'll end there, I feel like I'm a broken record... I'm passed the jitters, now it's on to the next "phase"

By any chance are you taking Abilify?

 

  Some things that have helped me, maybe some with help you.

  Excersise. Lots and lots of excersise. For me its hiking, bicycling, weights, and martial arts. The bicycling i go extra extra hard, until my heart feels like its ready to explode. This works well on many fronts. One i get a great workout, also i get alot of that manic energy out of me. Then after a workout i get that wonderful post workout meal and the endorphions that help calm and relax me.

   Dogs. They get us, and help us in so many ways. Plus most dogs are allways up for walk, or a trip to burger king. LOL LOL LOL Plus many of them bring a real calm to people like us. If you get one look for  a mellow breed, mine is known as mobil carpets. LOL LOL LOL

   Martial arts has been a great outlet for my stress. Being able to hit things hard, and corectly, in a controlled enviroment is a great outlet for your anger. Lord knows i feel better after a good workout. 

   Mediation. I relax with my mp3 music player and mentally unwind. When i do it right, i actually feel detatched from my body. Weird feeling but ultimaly i believe that it helps center my mind.

   And finally i have learned to let go of many things that have angered me in the past. Think of it as a muscle, you excersise it it will get bigger. So with anger management. The more you work on letting things go the easier it will become.

   Good luck Bill

You have gotten great advice here. I just wanted to pass on big hugs. I hope you feel right soon. This will pass I promise.