So it looks like BP explains the last 5-7 crazy years of our life.
We've known each other nearly 20 years, married 17. It's never been easy, but I love her still and she's been faithful (as have I).
Early on we lost her dad (who she was never close to), but that started her down a road of depression, severe mood swings, eventually alcohol abuse, impulsive decisions, extreme self centered behavior and verbal cruelty toward me. Life beats her up and keeps her down, but I've been able to "rise above" the same crap as it's hit us both. She has dozens of prescript
ions for all sorts of ailments.
Most of the worst "childish" behavior has subsided now or is less severe, but we walk the mine field that is her moods daily (we have several kids - I don't want to risk someone figuring out who we are so I won't get specific with that).
- Low points of the last 3 years:
Daily drinking on her part, fighting, telling me I'm the problem and to "get out" etc.
Throwing up drunk in front of kids on multiple occasions. Fights about alcohol etc.
DUI a couple of years ago, but finally stopped drinking after a (hopefully) last straw and even more brutally humiliating incident several months ago.
Very social, has to be the life of the party, loves to talk, dress, and act "loud", and embarrasses the crap out of me in social situations frequently. I practically hate hanging out with her in social situations (including church) for fear of what she might say or do.
Can barely control spending. Gets online on her low days and "spends a little" that has now added up to $40K on the credit cards. (of course she has no income)
Feels restless, irritable, panicky or tired 90% of the time.
We have some good conversations, but the moment my input or opinions start to creep in it gets iffy. It needs to be about her, her ideas, her thoughts etc. with few exceptions. She says I "suck at communicating", but I remain open to talk, listen and share on any topic at any time (literally ANY time), but she is highly irritated by my opinion even when presented in the most gentle of ways I can imagine.
She's driven away nearly all close friends and family. Has many "new" relationships constantly that she slowly seems to scare away or abandon.
We have an ongoing joke between us that no matter what I say, she hears the worst possible negative twist of the words. For example - if I say, "Wow, you got a TON done today girl! Way to go!" She hears, "You suck most days, I'm shocked you got out of bed at all today you lazy loser." (negative words I would never think let alone actually say, but she hears them in her head nonetheless.)
For nearly 2 years we've paid virtually full time help with the kids, clean, cook, do laundry etc. Her obligations list is VERY short (invisible really because I can fill in for her any time and keep things rolling). She does homeschool our kids, but on the good days (which are rare) this means a couple hours of work at most. Our older kids are all pretty independent in their work now and I fill in.
Intimacy is a 2 on a scale of 1-10
Sex is a 1 (monthly at best, repetitive)
Three weeks ago she was finally diagnosed as OCD and bi-polar and started lithium.
Her energy is returning...which is good and bad...
I daily struggle to stay "other oriented" while getting virtually nothing back from her 95% of the time. She is distant, expects what she wants when she wants it (while saying please and being polite, but it's assumed that I'm the server and she's the recipient 95% of the time when she needs something.)
I don't doubt she loves me, and I love her, but we are in a 95/5 relationship when it comes to giving and taking. I know I can't do it forever.
Does it get better? Divorce isn't an option to me, but should it be? How bad could it get?
I know that no one can offer specific answers here, but knowing others out there might relate helps a bit somehow.