I have been seeing a girl off and on in her younger 20's for the past 6 months. I don't want to say 'dating' because as she told me the other day, 'we're more than friends but I don't want to date'.
I've read a ton about
bipolar and BPD and she seems to have symptoms of both, but I don't want to classify her as anything. She's a person with some sort of mental illness and I leave it at that.
What I want to know is if it's a common trait for a person with BPD to constantly be going back and forth? We'll have a great time on Thursday, and then Friday she's completely different wanting to be alone. Then she's cold and distant for a few more days, but then missing me again by the next weekend. When she drinks, she drinks heavily and becomes full of rage. She's attacked me multiple times and I have to subdue her until she calms down.
I don't want to go into all the 'signs' and stuff as they basically all match the descript
ions of BPD and bipolar. But what I DO want to know is how I can actually move our relationship forward. Any attempts by me in the past have gone nowhere. It always results in her saying 'I just don't see us together' or something like that, even though we had a great day and she's telling me how much she loves me and wants to be with me. So obviously confusing.
Now I'm not a weak man - I can be strong, I no longer get emotional around her or jealous or anything like that like I used to be months ago which would only push her further away (she was 'madly in love with me' the 2nd time we hung out so I got caught up in that too much and tried to make something out of it).
All I'm looking for is direction - I really don't know how to lead our relationship to the next level. Is she afraid? Is she using me? Does she really not want me? Am I not her type? Am I too insecure? Why hangout with me, sleep with me, tell me you love me, and then literally 8 hours later in the morning tell me you want to be alone? I now just say "ok, I'll talk to you later" and leave, hoping to hear from her again soon. Been like this for 6 months. I care for her a lot and I keep thinking that if she would just commit to me, she would be happy. But I guess not.
Any basic suggestions of just how to be a guy that she can possibly commit to or see herself with would be great. I just want direction. Tired of keeping things in this same plane for so long. I feel like I'm doing something wrong. It feels like she's just playing me until something better comes along.
Forgot to mention - she is in denial about
anything. she says things like 'my whole family and my friends think I'm crazy. But I know I'm not and I'll prove them wrong!' and she got off medication in december. Hospitalized over summer, won't give me details about
past abuse or anything - I don't ask either nor ever say anything about
her being 'crazy' or needing therapy. I don't believe I'm in that position.
Post Edited (Oscarkool) : 3/5/2012 12:28:31 PM (GMT-7)