BP??? What else could it be???

I married in the fall of 2005 afterward there has been many tragedies in our lives. On February 26 my husband didn’t show up for work his boss called our home to make sure everything was ok because that was very unlike him. I sent a text to him to ask to call me. He said he was alright and wanted me to give him room to breathe. I told him that was ok but they were looking for him at work. He said they had made him mad and he didn’t care if they were looking for him. He said he was going to take the day off he needed to be by himself. He said he wouldn’t answer anymore texts or phone calls and wanted everyone to leave him alone. On February 27 I ask him if he was coming home so our dogs could be groomed and he said he wouldn’t be home for a while and he could be alone. That was my first clue that he wasn’t coming home. That is how it all started.

I looked on his cell phone records and saw an international cell number… that is the only way I had a clue as to where he had gone. There was no note from him but he did tell his daughter where he was going but she didn’t believe him, she a single mother and is out of a job. She needs money badly and couldn’t believe he would spend all that money to go there when she needs money so badly. He said nothing about another woman. I discovered Russian women by reading his email. On March 1 the first anniversary of my father’s passing away and that was the day I found that he might have left the country. Because of the person my husband is this is so unbelievable. He loves the United States of America and he hates cold weather. When I have told our friends they laugh at first because they think I’m joking. Everyone knows how much he hates a cold wet climate and has so many issues with his joints lots of aches and pains it’s just hard to imagine he’s getting around easily.

He has no money other than what he is spending now. He got an insurance settlement in November that that is the money he’s using now. I realize that he is more than likely bipolar. He has never been diagnosed but I’ve seen indicators since the beginning. Since he’s been gone I have discovered he’s stolen medications and lied so much. I’m not mad at him right now, after he gets home it might be a different story. I look at his mental state as I would anything else that could lead to death. I want him to come home and get help. My husband is a good caring, giving man who loves his family. His adult daughters are all saying they will not talk to him again since he’s done this so many times and they love me. I don’t know if he asked off of work but he could lose his job too. He will lose everything if he doesn’t get help. The man in Russia is not that man and I just can’t believe the things that I know he’s done there. I have read some of the letters that have been written to him and he’s written to women and they don’t sound like the man I know. I will not leave this marriage without a fight. He hasn’t even asked me for a divorce. The week before he left he would still tell me he didn’t know what he was going to do. I’m not sure what that meant but he was in conflict within himself. I know what he was like before he left and I’m sure he becomes more irritable and hard be happy as days pass. He is very charming when he wants to. I’m sure he’s has moved in with one of these women, at least after his hotel ran out after he extended his trip 2 weeks.

I sent the woman who he is with an email. He sent me an email the next day and sounded deflated. He didn’t sound mad because he would rant like he did in earlier emails… There were plenty of truths in the email to cause him to rage… but she might not have let him read it. His reply was only one sentence. I know when this is all said and done I will be better, I pray he will be too. This time he could be lost forever if he doesn’t.

I can’t imagine meeting a man on line on Jan 15 then on Feb 8 he bought a ticket to fly half way around the world to stay for 2 weeks. On March 13 extended his stay until the end of the month. His tourist visa is for 30 days and he’s staying 29. I’m sure he was talking fast and furious so that she hardly understands what he says. I have trouble understanding him when he does that. The one main woman that he’s with two of my friends that have called her… The first friend called her just a few days into his stay and she didn’t know he was married… But she said they were “just friends”. The second was a few days ago and the woman asked my friend what she should do after the woman asked my friend would give her a moment… and like she went to another room. I’m sure he’s taking over and she is worn out. NOT that I sympathize with her but she seems like a reasonable woman… I’m sure she got in way over her head before she realized what was really going on. I’m sure she’s ready to get rid of him, I pray every day that they are both miserable and there will be many obstacles to be in his way at every turn that this is the hardest thing he’s ever done.

He arrives back in the states in one week. I’m getting stronger and stronger every day. He’s sick, I also found evince that he had started taking stimulates… and I know he was drinking 5 hour energy shots like they were going out of style. I’ve talked to our doctor and he’s aware of the situation… he will have labs done on April 9 and the doctor will also do drug and STD screening… he has an appointment to see him April 16. When I found out about the stimulants he said that he needed to get off of them as soon I could get him to… that was when I thought he’d be back on the 15th. I’m pretty sure that the drugs are the main source that triggered this manic episode. The fact that March 1 was the anniversary of Dad’s passing they were very close and March 18 was the 2nd birthday of a grandchild that was placed for adoption is no coincidence and didn’t help.

I will not leave this marriage without a fight and I told her that in the email if she really wants him it will be years before they could be married… his Russian FB says they are “engaged”. It seems he is living in a totally fantasy and that is always way better than reality. I still love him, dang it and no one hates that more than I do. BUT I am taking care of my daughter and I first. I’ve had our deadbolts rekeyed but he can break in the house pretty easily if he wanted to…. that is when I get the police involved. He will NOT move back in until he receives help. The instant he says he’ll go I know what to do and have support lined up. If he doesn’t receive help I will call his boss and let him know about the drugs and who he got them from I have some emails.

I’m so thankful that I a large number of friends to support me. He is a good man but he’s very ill and needs help, our friends love him and we are all on the same page that he must get help before he rejoins our lives. If he chooses not to get the help then he will not be allowed back…. I am fully aware and prepared that he will not come home and get help… but he might. Only God knows what will happen. I pray that a healthy husband will be in my future but if he chooses not to get help we will not be growing old together as we have always planned and seek God’s guidance and wisdom. The trust has been shattered and will not be rebuilt overnight. This will be hard work for us regardless of what happens…

Thank you Genetic! I hope when he does get back that he thinks I am worth another thought... much less admirable... I love him and want him to get better... please keep us in your prayers!

Limbo.

Do some BP NEVER get stabilized? That is my battle now... what if he NEVER wants help and we lose him mentally, physically and more importantly spiritually forever.

Bill, thank you. What was the turning point of your acceptance? We have been together for 7 years and this is the first time he’s done anything like this… but it’s also the first time we’ve had money. He never really had an over abundance of energy… I’ve never seen him really do anything that I thought that I wish I had his energy.
Sadly I’m not sure I understand your analogy. That whenever something feels weird you call the doctor? He has a lot of medical problems and tons of meds… if you don’t mind me asking how old are you? My husband is 53 and has the body of man much older. I just can’t imagine how he’s not longing for help. As a matter of fact he bought 3 bottles of natural “male enhancement” drugs. It’s freezing there and I know his joints are giving him fits.
Thank you for any input. I’m so confused trying to understand how this really could be happening and how I can still love him like I do.

Bill, I do love him very much, more than I even realized. I have started to counseling, I know I will need help! He has made mistakes but you know I have too. I'm not accepting any of the blame but I have to accept my part. I'm pretty sure he called this morning at 4:20am... from Google talk... he's done that another time since he left. He will be back in our state 10:49 Thursday. I just don't know what to expect... and I'm scared.

He will be in DFW tonight at 10PM... he has a 4 hour layover at JFK in NY... I could hear from him anytime... I pray his heart is softened. I know I have a future with or without him.... I know God will be there even if he is not. Yes it did help, I hope he can see how much I love him... how much I want him to get better and be happy. The path he's on leads to nothing but destruction... and heartache. This has a huge ripple effect... he has friends, family... children and grandchildren that love him too and want him to be part of the rest of their lives.   I did some calculating yesterday and he's got to be almost out of money. I’m praying. Post Edited (Limbo) : 3/29/2012 9:26:25 AM (GMT-6)