How did i get here...Bipolar & Marriage

So after my pregancy I was diagnosed with bipolar, and long story short my husband had to leave our state to stay in another state for work and it was probably one of the worst two years of our new marriage (dated 3 years married 2 separated 1year to date). Dealing with a manic wife and a distance marriage proved to be hell. In one of my depressive episodes i decided to pack my bags and leave him. I regret it badly i have my moods and finances in control after a year and he isnt interested in making this work. :'( how do i move on?

i wish he'd read about this disorder and realised that some things i went through were not deliberate. I am really sorry and really feel we can make it work this time around but he's moved on and maybe happy i donno. we not yet divorced...

Get a copy of "Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder". Write a SHORT note. Something like "I'm sorry I hurt you." "I never meant to" "I have no expectations" "I hope you will read this" "I made some notes in the book" When I gave the book to my fiance, I underlined some things, crossed stuff out that doesn't apply, wrote some notes in the margins. Mail or give it to him.

Then focus on being healthy and stable. You won't make it alone without that and he won't want to be with you without it. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Get your life in order for divorce. If he chooses to stay with you, it will be a delight. If he chooses to stay gone, you will be ready.

Managing bipolar disorder requires a lot of self-care. You can't only rely on medication, you need to WORK at being healthy every day. Achieving periods of remission is possible. I won't overwhelm you with information now, but if you ask for self-care help you will get it.

Relationships are hard. Harder with bipolar disorder! But they can be good. In my life, borderline personality disorder is more damaging to my relationship that bipolar disorder is. I work on taking care of myself every day. Over the last 2 years my quality of life has improved dramatically. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. We recently didn't get married (was going to be 10 days ago) and nearly split up over the clash between my bpd and his struggles with communication - those don't go together well. It's not perfect. But I'm starting to realize that in this recent drama, he never once mentioned my bipolar disorder symptoms. Relationships fail without bipolar disorder. Recognizing your behavior had a part to play in the situation is healthy. Beating yourself up with guilt and shame is not helpful, and will probably trigger bp symptoms.

You can always say "I'm sorry" later. I was with my ex-husband for 6 years. He has a mild form of bipolar disorder. I was undiagnosed, untreated, no self-care and in a really bad place. It was catastrophic. But years later after I got treatment, I realized how unwell I was and how miserable I made him. I definitely have apologized and I think he has accepted it. We have a son, so we are in contact often for visitation and it is not stressful anymore.

There's hope for the future dear.

(((hugs)))

 

  Hi there RAB, nice to meet you. Now on to your questions.

  First accepting that i am BP and that it wasnt my fault i became BP has been a great relief for me. I tell people i didnt do an illegial drug, i didnt engage in some risky behavior, i didnt eat to many twinkies and get BP. This was in me from day one, and that it is in no way my fault that i am the way i am.

  That said, now that i know about it, i cant just run around hurting people, i must work hard to control what is wrong with me. For me thats some of the following.

  Exsercise: It just helps work out that BP energy.

  Being honest with myself. Completely and brutally honest.

  Getting rid of things that make my life worse, in this case bad relationships.

  Understanding that BP is primarly a emotional desease, and that we must work hard to not swing to far from center. That emotion ups, no matter how good they feel, are allways accompied by downs equaly or even worse.

  Acceptance. Accepting that things are what they are, and that by accepting them and not fighting them, we can achieve peace. This peace leads to greater inner peace.

  Glad to hear about the boxing, i do Krav Maga which incorprates many different martial arts. Great stress reliever and confidence booster.

   Keep the faith, find a belief system that works for you. Accept life for what it is, not what you wish it would be, and the wisdom to know when to fight and when to let go. (That last one is a tough one)

  Bill