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Bipolar II and shopping restrictions

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Posted 7/9/2012 12:02 AM (GMT 0)
I have Bipolar II for appox 7 years now. I also have anxiety and PTDS. I have been having episodes of mixed Bipolar II symptoms. My huband and I never agreed on the grocery shopping. He went shopping on Friday. And I went today for doughnuts on Sunday and got some more items that I forgot or just wanted to get and he went balistic. I never thought I went overboard or overextended my self. I have many phyical problems so when I can go to our small town store I feel good. I like seeing people I haven't seen in awhile and to get out of the house. Today I bought some peaches and plums that really set him off. I am having a hard time telling if this is him being strict or my bipolar being a factor.

I take geodon, topamax, effexor XR , Buspar,Alprazolam, . This has been aproblem for years. We have been married for 28 1/2 years. Lately my moods have restless to depressed. I find I am more depressed when I have alot of pain. I am wondering if other people have similar problem with shopping.

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Bipolar II, Anxiety, PTSD, Oseoarthritis, Fibromyalgia, Generative Disc Disease with MRI confirmed L1-L4 bulging disc L5 S1 very large herniated disc with displaced nerve root.

Posted 7/9/2012 12:58 AM (GMT 0)
I definitely use shopping as a coping strategy for isolation and depression. And I am prone to overspending too. Balancing is definitely a challenge.

I think there is problems on both sides. If you bought a food that is healthy, that you will eat, that doesn't excerbate symptoms, and an amount that you can eat it before it spoils, what is the problem? I am guessing he is reacting to the times when you made bad choices - that it's not about peaches and plums.

Communication and trust will help. My fiance and I had some significant issues in this area. Turned out he was worried about money, but he didn't want to worry me and tell me about it. So it was very personal and upsetting when I bought something he thought of as frivolous. Trust issue too - I will voluntarily give him my credit/debit cards when my mood goes up. I will keep checkbook and cash though. I don't part with cash easily and I hate writing checks, so it keeps me independent and self-controlled. The other part of the solution is I have changed my therapy shopping from thrift stores and whatever to grocery shopping. It motivates me to cook, the food is better. I'm getting out and enjoying myself without the stress of his reaction or wanting to hide what I bought. And he feels I'm contributing to the family budget.

In fact, since those changes, I spent $300 at Victoria's Secret and about 6 dresses and he has been OK with that. I also had lost 35 pounds and really did need some clothes that didn't fall off.

Building trust and communication has been huge in salvaging this area of our relationship. We almost broke up over it... but once we started talking a little bit it was easy for me to find a way to get my shopping therapy without stressing him out.

I'll even tell him that I'm not going shopping to buy something, that I'm going for therapy. That I don't intend to buy anything (but I might). This seems to help too.

I think you'll find a lot of empathy on this issue here, and others will have more ideas and support for you!
Posted 7/9/2012 11:03 AM (GMT 0)
 

 Hi, i also have had bad (very bad) spending issues. At its worst it wasnt unusual for me to spend between 500-1500 on some toy. But that was then this is now. My enjoyment each month is some magazines. I spend about 50.00 a month on books and magazines. Now my magazines i read and re read , i have magazines ten years old that i still reread.

   SO for me, having a small outlet for spending is ok. Its completely undercontrol. SO i dont stress the small stuff.

  But its tough living with someone and dealign with this stuff. I live alone, my mistakes are mine alone. WIth another person it gets so much harder.

  But if you bought healthy food, thats not an issue. If you wasted 100.00 on lottery tickets thats an issue.

  Good luck and keep posting.

  Bill

 

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